Damnation: The End of Our Tale

Welcome, my friends, to the final chapter in this tale of our friends William, Drucilla and Oliver. This has all been quite an ordeal for the three of them. The places they've been, the people they've met, the things they've seen. There is not much I can tell you at the moment. Or rather, not much I want to tell you. Anything else I wish to say, I shall say after the story is done.

William and Oliver stood in the train station looking at me. I, for those of you who didn't catch on at the end of the last story, am Johnny. I looked back at them, smiling. I was wearing my usual long, black, leather trench coat. I had a black bowler on, black leather shoes, and black denim pants. I love this outfit. As for the other two, they had their usual attire.

The sky was grey, as was everything in this place. The station was made of pale grey cobblestone. To the left of William and Oliver, there was a small restaurant. To their right was a ticket booth. Between these two buildings, was a massive platform, with several benches placed randomly. the massive black train arrived here, and I spoke.

"Well," I said," shall we be leaving?"

"Not until we get some fucking answers," William said, angrily.

"It's going to get very noisy here, let's enter the city and talk there," I told him.

William and Oliver turned to each other, leaned forward, and whispered.

"Do we really want to follow this asshole?" Oliver asked William.

"I do," William replied.

"Why?" Oliver asked.

"He killed my parents, I've told you," said William, annoyed.

"But I saw you pull out a gun, and," Oliver said," you know."

"I saw different," William whispered.

"I guess I might as well believe you," Oliver whispered back." Not a hell of a lot makes sense right now."

They leaned back again, and turned to Me. People were beginning to exit the train.

"We'll go," William said.

I turned around, and began to walk towards the city. William and Oliver quickly caught up, and began asking questions.

"Alright, buddy," Oliver said," you've got some explaining to do."

"I'll tell you what I can," I replied.

"Why the fuck are we in hell?" Oliver asked.

"You were a contract," I replied, " It was my job to bring you here."

"A contract?" William asked.

"I'm a bounty hunter," I replied.

"Does that make you feel better about the travesties you've committed?" William asked, angrily.

"I have no delusions about what I do," I replied," I killed without remorse in life, and the big man there got me to do the same after death."

"Why did you kill people without remorse?" Oliver asked, a sound of increasing intrigue on his voice.

"It's the way I am," I told him.

"Why did you kill my parents?" William asked. The anger on his voice turning to desperation.

"That, I do not know," I replied, my voice sounding different.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Oliver asked.

"That's a confusing situation," I said," I'm not sure what was going on."

The three of us reached the city. The city was massive. The city was haunting. The city was black. This place was different from the stations, and the forest, and all the places in between. The buildings were all very close together, and the street was only about six or seven feet wide. The buildings were similar to those in England, but they were extremely black. There were no vehicles in the streets, but there were tons of peddlers and merchants displaying there wares. They didn't look shady, they didn't look like the people in the slums of normal cities. People here looked completely normal. Every now and then they'd see someone who looked like a murderer, a thief, one of the real bad guys, but most of them seemed like normal, good people. We walked down this long road, and talked.

"How did these people get here?" William asked me.

"How do you think? They did bad things."

"All of them?" Asked Oliver, joining in the conversation.

"Most of them. A few sold their souls," I told him.

"But they all look..." William hesitated.

"Like good normal people?"

"Exactly," William said.

"You know what they say," I said," never judge a book by it's cover."

"How do we tell which ones are the good ones?" Oliver asked.

"Simple," I replied," You see the world through the eyes of... fuck."

"Through the eyes of fuck?" Oliver said, laughing.

"I forget his name," I said," Either way, their in my pocket."

William and Oliver stopped simultaneously. I walked for a few feet before I noticed they had stopped. I halted, and turned around.

"What's the problem?" I asked them. A small Asian women was trying to sell me authentic Asian weaponry she made in her basement. I ignored her, and walked toward William and Oliver.

"Did you just say..." William raised his arm, pointing at me.

"You have some man's eyes in your pocket?"

"No," I said getting annoyed," That's the name of the artifact. It's a pair of glasses. the actual eyes are in a jar in someone's basement."

The two friends were somewhat shocked, but forgot about it before long. We continued walking.

"One last question," William said.

"Shoot," I replied. As I said this, a short man buying something from a merchant started screaming about how he didn't have a gun, and the krauts were lying to him.

"That was odd," said William," Anyhow, back to my question. Why do you look exactly the same as Lucifer?"

"Ah," I replied," I don't know. He usually appears as someone who wronged whoever looks at him, or somehow caused ruin in the onlooker's life. Lately, he's been looking like me to a lot of people."

"How about this," Oliver said, "Where the fuck is Drucilla?"

"She's in a safe place, I think," I said," Not sure."

"When will we see her again?" William asked. He looked at me, with worry in his eyes.

"Oh Christ, don't give met that look." I told him," She'll be fine. She's in Hell, it's not like if she dies, she's going anywhere else. You'll see her soon enough."

We walked in silence for a few moments. I guess by that time they had gotten all the answers they needed. We arrived in the center of the dank, dark, gloomy city, in front of an apartment building. I stood with my back to the building, facing the two friends.

"This is where you will be living from now on," I told them," From this point on, I am no longer a villain in your life. I apologize for whatever wrongs I have committed in your life, and I hope we can be friends someday."

"I doubt that, Johnny," William said. He pushed past me and walked into the building. Oliver looked at me, somewhat annoyed, and somewhat desperate.

"Is there any way we can get out of here?" He asked me.

"Very few have made it before, but it's been done," I said," You just have to open the gate. You can see it if you go to the edge of the city. I'd stay and chat, but I have a job to do."

"Thanks for..." Oliver trailed off, at a loss for words. I began to walk away. Before I was gone, I called back to him.

"Let him know, that whole Araheem Abdul incident. That was me." I disappeared in a puff of smoke, and Oliver looked very confused.

The apartment building was cramped. It had about twenty rooms, in four floors. Oliver and William's room was on the fourth floor, with a large window looking down on the street. The apartment had two bedrooms, side by side at the back of the room. Other than that, there was a living room, with a television, a Chesterfield, and a hotplate. William and Oliver sat down on the sofa simultaneously, and thought a while. They thought about what they were going to do. They thought about whether or not they could escape this place. They thought about where Drucilla was. They thought about what was happening to her. They thought about all kinds of things. After they ran out of things to think about, they thought it would be a good idea to talk.

"What the hell do we do now?" Oliver asked, looking desperate.

"We do the only thing left to do at the end of the day," William replied, simply.

"And what might that be?"

"We relax, watch the evening news, and fix everything in the morning."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

Oliver stood up, with a grunt, and walked up to the television. He turned the knob, and the TV clicked on. He turned the other knob until it reached the chanel seven news, then lazily walked back to the couch, and sat down. the news was especially boring. There was an old man who was shot, a little boy with cancer, a young man who was shot, a little girl with cancer, a young black man who was shot, a teenage girl with melanoma, a religious extremist who tried to anally electrocute a Buddhist monk in an Airport in London, an old black man who was shot, and a teenage boy with cancer. You know how it goes.

The news ended, and the two friends went to bed. The bedrooms were tiny, and cramped, similar to the rest of the building. There was barley enough room to fit the twin sized bed in to each room, but somehow the owner of the building managed to fit an end table into the room. Oliver and William lay in there beds for while, thinking. The one thing they had on their mind disturbed them. This fact never sat well with anyone. At least not with anyone I had met before. The thought had been in the back of their minds since they had been told where they were. Since the moment Lucifer had said it. They were in Hell. This isn't the disturbing thought. They could have seen that coming, the weren't the most polite people in the world, so where else would they end up? The fact that bothered them was that Hell, in all it's dismal glory, was almost exactly the same as home. As earth. As London. As their apartment. Hell was no different than anything they had seen, or known before. They wanted to escape, they wanted to get back. But it wasn't because they were damned. It was due to the fact that they wanted to be home. Hell wasn't painful. Hell was merely unpleasant. No more unpleasant than life was, but unpleasant none the less. There need to be home wasn't even because of this unpleasantness. It was homesickness. The same feeling you get when you're a five year old, sleeping over at a friends house. They couldn't have cared less where they were. Hell made them feel the same way as a trip to Detroit.

These feelings seemed to be increased exponentially by the fact that William's one true love was missing. He needed her back. But that was to be dealt with in the morning. The news had been watched, and now sleep was needed. So they slept. They slept and dreamt. They slept and dreamt of melanoma, shootings, and anal electrocution.

The sun rose, the birds were chirping, and the damned souls of the damned people went around their dismal business as they always did. The morning was not too different down in Hell, either. The only difference was the lack of chirping birds. There were no birds for some reason. A raven flew past on occasion, but that seemed less natural, and more like an attempt to create a mood. Oliver rose from his bed with a stiff neck, and a strange pain in his leg. Upon investigation, Oliver found a nail sticking up from the bed frame that felt it would be fun to jab into Oliver's leg through half of the night. William swung his legs over to the side of the bed, and rose . His back hurt slightly, and his neck felt quite stiff, but it was no different than any other early morning. Oliver and William walked out of the bedrooms simultaneously, and turned to each other.

"So, what are the fucking plans for today?" Oliver groaned.

Immediately after Oliver asked this profound question, there was a knock at the door.

"First off," William replied, stretching his arms above his head," we answer the door."

"Fair enough."

William and Oliver made their way to the door. They opened it, only to find a short, fat woman wearing a bright pink mumu standing before them.

"May I help you?" William asked, politely.

"I need rent soon," wheezed the woman. She sounded as though she had been smoking since she was four years of age. Her face had so many wrinkles, you could hardly tell what gender she was, let alone what species.

"We'll get that to you ASAP, ma'am," Oliver said," you are a ma'am, correct?"

"Yes," she replied, "yes I am. After she said this, she began to cough loudly. the racket she created echoed all down the halls of the apartment.

"Would you mind if I asked you a question?" Oliver said to her.

"Not at all," she wheezed out her reply," just so long as I get the rent by next Sunday."

"How did you end up here in Hell?" Oliver asked.

"I got desperate one day," she told him, coughing out half of her words," so I sold my soul for a pack of smokes."

"I sort of saw that one coming," Oliver said," Not meaning to be rude, but, how old were you when you died"

"Twenty three," She coughed, and blood began dribbling out of her mouth.

"Oh my!" William said, unable to hide his disgust any more," that is quite unfortunate."

The woman began to talk, but William closed the door as fast as he could, to avoid awkward conversation.

"My god, that woman is disgusting," William said, almost staring a hole through the door in amazement.

"Reminds me of aunt Ethel around Christmas time," Oliver said, a shudder in his voice.

"Well, now that we've answered the door," William said, turning to Oliver," we can get down to business."

"Let's walk and talk," Oliver suggested," I'm hungry as a homeless hooker."

"Sounds like a goo-" William stopped in mid sentence, while reaching for the door knob. He turned his head to face Oliver, a look of confusion on his face. "A homeless hooker?"

"Haven't you ever heard that expression?" Oliver asked.

"When the hell would I have heard that?" William replied, bewildered.

"My dad said it all the time."

"Well I am unbelievably happy I've never met your father," William said as he opened the door. They began making there way to the stairwell.

"You have too met my father," Oliver told William," he was the drunk Irishman that through empty whiskey bottles at us when we were fifteen."

"Oh yes!" proclaimed William, as they proceeded to start down the stairs," He seemed like a nice enough fellow."

"Yeah, sure," Oliver mumbled," So, what are we going to do about our current situation?"

"We're going to do what anyone in our situation would do," William replied.

"And that is?"

"We rescue the girl, and get the hell out of here," William said.

The two friends reached the bottom floor, and exited out to the street. The streets were almost barren, outside of a few of the gruesome, and almost macabre looking peddlers and merchants, who seem to be revolted by the idea of sleep, and bathing. Oliver and William started walking North, opposite the direction of the train station.

"I love this idea of yours," Oliver said," you know, getting the hell out of here, and what not, but how in the name of Christ do you expect to get out of here?"

"I haven't a clue," William replied with a grin on his face," but the way I look at it, we might as well try. I'm sure someone in this city knows a way out of here. That Johnny bastard wanders around on earth fucking with my day on a near monthly basis, maybe he knows something."

"And how do you expect to find him?" Oliver asked, as he grabbed a fresh looking apple from a vendor as they passed.

"You'll regret that!" the old woman at the apple stand yelled.

"Suck it, lady!" Oliver bellowed in retaliation, and took a bite of the apple.

"Have you ever seen the movie Beetlejeuce?" William asked Oliver, who proceeded to stop, and vomit all over an old women who was passing by. The woman stopped, and looked at oliver, with her wrinkles filled with partially digested food. William and Oliver stopped to talk to the woman.

"Bad apple?" She asked Oliver.

"Yeah," he said with a putrid stench emanating from his mouth," sorry mum."

"Not a problem," she said," probably the least of my punishment down here."

"You've dealt with worse then?" William asked her.

"I've had three coconuts up my ass for the past seventy-nine years," she said with a smile.

Oliver, who was at this point in time wiping the vomit from around his mouth, stopped to stare in awe. William did the same.

"How," William asked, mouth wide open," pray tell, did you manage that?"

"I senselessly murdered thirty-seven coconut farmers in one night," she told them, "Lucifer has a thing for irony, I guess."

"Bloody hell," Oliver screamed," that's a fucking talent!"

"Why thank you!" the woman said, in a perky voice," now, would you be able to tell me who just vomited on me?"

William and Oliver looked at each other, confused. It was clearly Oliver who had just done the vomiting. It was quite obvious, seeing as he was currently wiping it off of his face with his hands as they were speaking.

"Why?" Oliver asked, in a suspicious voice.

"I think I'd like to pay them back," she said, pulling a bowling ball out of her purse" by jamming this coconut up their ass."

Oliver didn't know what to say, so he blamed a random German fellow who was walking by. The German man was wearing a uniform, clad with Swastika's on the arms, and a tiny, almost square mustache under his nose. He had a note on his back, saying,"Kick me, I led the Nazi Party."

"It was him," he said, pointing at the German fellow.

The old woman proceeded to tackle the man, pull his pants down, and attempt to ram a bowling ball into his rectum. I never thought I'd hear my self saying those words again. With this, Oliver and William proceeded to walk away, and saw a man standing in the middle of the street. He was wearing a long, black leather trench coat. He had a black slacks, a black shirt, and a black bowler, that covered his entire face in shadow. He raised his head, revealing pale, pasty white skin with piercing, bright blue eyes. They instantly flashed, and began glowing red.

"Lucifer," William and Oliver whispered simultaneously.

"Hello frie-" Lucifer stopped in mid sentence, as a bright white, glowing sword burst through his chest.

"Shit," Lucifer said, staring down at the sword," Well, see you tomorrow." Lucifer proceeded to burst into flames, and disappear, revealing the owner of the sword to be Jesus.

"Morning boys," Jesus said, sheathing his sword" I've come to talk to you."

"What about Lucy boy there?" Oliver asked, slightly confused with the situation.

"Good question," William said.

"He was about to whisk you away to where Drucilla was," Jesus said.

William's face became red with rage instantly, and he ran at Jesus, tackling him. William pinned Jesus to the ground, and began yelling.

"YOU STOPPED ME FROM BEING WITH HER?" He screamed," WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!" William began punching Jesus in the face. Jesus slapped William's fists out of the way, placed his hands on William's chest, and blew him twenty feet into the air, with an explosion of sound. Jesus stood up, while Oliver stared into the air at his flying friend. Oliver stepped about a foot to the right, as William fell to the ground where Oliver was just standing.

"No need to worry William," Jesus told him," I'm going to tell you how to save her."

"Why didn't you say that before?" Oliver asked in an annoyed voice.

"Yeah!" William yelled, with his face in the dirt, and ass in the air.

"I would have, if you hadn't have tackled me," Jesus responded.

"That's a very good point," William said, raising his hand in the air, face still in the dirt,and ass still in the air,"Now, could you help me up? I do believe I've broken my spine."

Jesus put out his hand, and grasped William's. With a good pull, William rose to his feet. Oliver proceeded to brush the dust off of his friend's right shoulder.

"So," William said," How the fuck are we going to get Drucilla back? And, where the fuck is she?"

"She's in the abyss of Marduk," Jesus said, with a look of dismay on his face," which is very hard to find. My father gave me something to give to you to help you find her, but there is a bit of background information you may need before embarking on this journey."

Oliver and William looked at each other, and nodded.

"How long will shit take?" Oliver asked.

"I have been given permission to stop time in all of the worlds," Jesus told them," but even then, it won't take long." Jesus proceeded to raise his hands in the air, and everything turned black as pitch, except a small circle of light around them.

"Drucilla is locked in the abyss of Marduk," Jesus told them," Which is one of several abyss's given to heathen gods."

"Heathen gods?" William said, inquisitively.

"Yes," Jesus said," after Lucifer tried to revolt against my father, he was given one third of the angels, all the ones he rounded up for the rebellion, and he was given this space. He called it Sheol, or abode of the dead, but all the idiots who heard him say this, misheard him and called it Hell."

"Why'd he call it Abode of the Dead," Oliver asked," what if everyone up and went to heaven? I mean, not all the dead are necessarily coming here "

"Look at the world you live in," Jesus said," does it look like everyone's gonna be on their best behavior any time soon?"

"Good point," Oliver replied, agreeably.

"And on top of that," Jesus started again," more people sin, or are purchased, or sell their souls than actually behave well and go upstairs anyway. As I was saying, with his new kingdom down here, he decided to dedicate it to all that was evil, and turned into the land of sinners."

"Like Vegas," William said.

"Yeah, but with less whores," Jesus told them," you'd be surprised at the amount of sincerely good hearted whores out there."

"Really?" Oliver asked,intrigued.

"Yeah, I had a bit of a thing for one back in the day," Jesus said," but that's all beside the point. On top of sinners, Lucifer accepted dead gods into his home. You'll learn about, and hear stories about all these dead religions from the past. All of these religions died because of one of two things. They lost all of their believers, or their Deities were killed by another God. My father is the current reigning champion."

"So, these dead gods are here?" William inquired.

"Yes," Jesus answered," and each one is given a section of the Abyss, referred to as their own abyss. The Abyss is a piece of infinite land Lucifer uses to expand the size of Hell when necessary. This piece of Abyss belongs to Marduk, a Babylonian ocean god, who was defeated in a fight with my dad a long time ago. That's where Drucilla is."

"So, how do we get to her?" William asked, getting excited.

"Wait a minute," Oliver interrupted," if all the dead god-"

"Shut up, Oliver!" William yelled, turning to Oliver," There's more important things to deal with right now!"

"I can tell you all about that another time," Jesus said to Oliver," for now, you don't have much time. As soon as things resume, you have twelve hours to save Drucilla, or you'll be locked in Marduk's Abyss as well. If you enter voluntarily, you and anyone you wish can be freed. I can get you to the edge of the abyss, but no further."

"Why twelve hours," William asked, eagerly.

"It takes twelve hours for an immortal to resurrect," Jesus said," That's why I couldn't make it here till now. That's just a rule that Lucifer and I came up with when we started fighting. Marduk's Abyss is the third one down, it looks like a pond in a desert on the inside. Or so I've heard, I've never been there."

"Why the hell haven't you been there?" Oliver asked,with a sneer on his face" Your Jesus for Christ's sake!"

"You've been waiting to unleash that little quip all day," Jesus growled, annoyed," haven't you?"

"Yeah," said Oliver, with a look of annoyance mixed with embarrassment on his face.

"Well, if you actually want to know," Jesus said," the only one who can kill a god, permanently, is another god. And father forbid I end up with my own abyss down there."

"Gotcha," Oliver said.

William was getting almost giddy. It had only been about a day and a half they had been here, but he wanted to get his true love back in his arms, and now he wanted to avoid permanently ending up in some dead gods basement, which was apparently his previously intended fate. The best way to do that is to get the hell out of Hell.

"Okay, so we just grab her, and run?" Oliver asked.

"I guess," he said," if you see anything along the way that feels right, grab it. I have to be on my way."

Jesus grabbed some rope from his pocket, and handed it to them." If you find any little things along the way, that just feel right, grab them. They might be there for a reason."

The darkness disappeared, and William and Oliver were at the base of a mountain, standing before a cliff. They both took a look at the mountain behind them, and saw that it stretched far higher than the grey, dismal clouds above. They turned around, walked to the edge of a massive cliff, and stared down it. About thirty feet down, they saw a ledge that slanted downward to the left, and looked like it would eventually lead to the bottom of the cliffside.

"By the looks of it," William said," Going down there is probably our best bet."

"No shit," replied Oliver," I never would have guessed."

"I definitely don't appreciate the attitude right now, Ollie," William said.

"Oh, well you can just get the fuck over it," Oliver replied," And if you call me Ollie ever again I-"

"I know," William sighed," you'll jam a red hot fire poker up my ass. But we have more important shit to deal with right now, so how about we get started on this?"

William examined the top of the cliff's edge, and looked for something to tie the rope to. After a relatively short amount of time, he found a rock that jutted upward, tied a very firm not around it with the rope, and tossed the rope down the cliff. At this point in time, William realized that the rope that was a good ten feet in his arm, fell down the full length of the twenty foot cliff, and then some. Oliver stood to the side, lazily observing this, and was quite amazed as the magical Jesus rope did it's thing. Not only did it reach ten feet past it's original length, but now it was coming back up to the top of the cliff, in a sort of zig-zag pattern, slowly forming a ladder .This is, as some of my colleagues would say, some handy shit.

"That is," said Oliver, rather shocked," some handy shit."

"No kidding," William replied, wide eyed.

William was eager to find his love, and some way to escape this place, so he quickly hopped on the magical Jesus ladder and began his decent, and Oliver quickly followed. After about ten minutes of climbing, slipping, and almost falling to their deaths, they reached the bottom of the cliff.

"Shit," said Oliver," I was paranoid I was gonna friggin die there."

"Is that even possible?" William asked, with a rather inquisitive look on his face.

"Of course it is," Oliver said, "Have you ever fallen twenty feet and survived? It's a hell of a lot more possible than anything else."

"Well," William said," we are already dead, aren't we?"

"That's a good point," Oliver said," but I think that's a dilemma for Mr.Christ whenever we meet up with him again."

"Good point," William replied.

"Alright," Oliver said, eagerly," Let's flip this bitch."

"Just so long as you never use that phrase again," William said, slightly perturbed.

"Deal," Oliver agreed.

The two friends began a good, steady jog down the ledge .After running for a few minutes, they found a rather sharp curve, slid to a stop at it, almost fell off, and then edged around it. They then began to run the opposite direction as they were before, seeing as this is the way the ledge was going. After about three total minutes of running, they came to a large black cave, with the sound of a large dog barking coming from the depths within. The barking slowly began to become louder, and closer, as though this beast were running towards them. William and Oliver hadn't stopped jogging at this point, but they had barely made it a quarter of the way past the mouth of the cave. It was very wide, as well as very dark. They had come to realize that this cave was a great many things. It was very wide, very dark, very ominous, and very adept at containing a massive, black, three headed dog, with frightening red glowing eyes, and a hunger for human flesh. If the two friends could have soiled themselves, at this point they would have.

"Do you think," Oliver screamed ahead to William, trying to communicate over the howling and barking of this great beast," we should run a little faster?"

"Maybe," William screamed back, as he began to run faster than he thought he could have.

They both ran full tilt away from this dog, and saw a tall, thin, cloaked man with pale skin standing with a giant metal ring, attached to a chain.

"CERBERUS!" The man bellowed in a deep, menacing voice that made the souls of anyone that heard ache with sorrow," DOWN BOY! DOWN!"

With this, the gigantic evil dog beast began to slow down, as the man threw the giant metal ring into the air. The ring split into three different rings, each of which clasped around one of the necks of the dog, which then slid to a halt.

"Thank you," Said William and Oliver in amazement,and gratefulness, as they ran past the man.

"Good luck," he replied," with whatever you are running towards."

They slid around another turn on the cliff face, and continued to run towards what they figured was the second abyss. They hoped that there wasn't another gigantic beast in the next layer, and if there was, they hoped there would be another pale man to keep it under control. After a good amount of running, they came to another cave, about the same size as the one before, but this one was definitely not dark. The cave appeared to be a sea of flame, and molten rock, with nothing in it. William and Oliver decided it would be a good plan to bypass any further investigation of this area, and just get on to the third, and hopefully for them, the final abyss.

They made the third, and final turn on the side of the cliff, eager to get into and out of this last cave. Another couple minutes of running; they came to the third cave, and slowed to a stop. It was an endless ocean, the mouth of the cave a shore, and off in the distance they saw an island, with light shining onto it. The waves between the shore and the far off island rose twenty feet into the air, and crashed down with deafening force.

"Okay," Oliver said," I sure as hell hope we don't have to swim this."

William stood, and thought for a few seconds. He looked down at his feet, and saw a large, black rock. He picked it up, and hurled it into the air at the roof of the cave. It fell into the sand, and nothing happened. Oliver looked at William expectedly.

"Was that supposed to accomplish something?" Oliver asked.

"It felt right," William said," I was taking Jesus' advice."

They heard a sudden rumble, and a massive boulder fell a good two inches in front of them. A large crack appeared in the stone, and grew down the center of the boulder. The boulder cracked in half, and fell into to, hollow halves. They had made some boats.

"Holy shit," Oliver said.

"I know!" William replied.

There was room enough for both of them in each side of this hollowed out boulder, so they pushed the left half of it to the water's edge. They pushed it into the water, and at the last moment they hopped in. The rode across this strange ocean was a rather unpleasant experience, seeing as they were flying twenty feet in the air and crashing down in what is best described as a great amount of pain. This went on for about twenty minutes, until there was one final thrust into the air. They flew about twenty feet into the air, and their makeshift stone boat flew through the air until it landed on the shore of the island. William and Oliver crawled out of the boat, and rolled onto the beach. William stood up, and Oliver vomited.

"That is disgusting," William said.

Oliver said nothing. He paused, and vomited again. He stared down at the vomit mixing with the sand, in the dim light, and vomited a third time.

"You done yet?" William asked.

"Yeah," Oliver said, standing up" I think so."

William and Oliver looked around the area. It was a very small island, only a few trees and a tunnel in the grass near the center. William got that sudden look of determination on his face, and started towards the tunnel. Oliver had no idea what else he could do, so he simply followed William. They walked down the tunnel, which sloped rather conveniently, until they reached a large room, pitch black.

"What now, genius?" Oliver asked," Do you have anything to light this place up?"

A sudden spark of light, and a flame appeared. William was holding a lighter, and a torch which now illuminated the room. William stared at Oliver, grinning, their backs to the walls of the room.

"That's what," William said.

"Oh," Oliver said," That's convenient."

"It felt right," William replied," What can I say?"

"That Jesus guy," Oliver said," gives some good advice."

"No Kidd-" William stopped in mid sentence. He looked past Oliver, at a strange looking man standing with a staff to support him. Oliver turned to look at him.

"Hello," Oliver said," Who in the name of fuck are you?"

"I," said the man," am Marduk."

"Oh," said Oliver," I guess you're who we're here to talk to."

"Yes," Marduk said. He was wearing sky blue robe, with a hood laying on his shoulders. He had a short white beard, and long white hair. He was holding a long, wooden staff, about six feet tall, two feet taller than him, that was topped with a bright, glowing blue orb.

"I'm assuming," Marduk said," that you're here for the girl?" He motioned to a large, locked wooden door.

"Yes," William said, sounding suspicious "that's exactly why we're here."

"I was told by Lucifer," Marduk said," That's I'd have to put up a fight."

"What?" Oliver yelled, echoing through the cave," we have to fight a god?"

"When I fight a mortal," Marduk said," I limit myself, quite a bit. You have little need to worry. But really, if you die, where are you going to go? Detroit?"

William and Oliver stood in awe. Marduk chuckled. An ancient, deceased ocean god had a sense of humor. Holy shit.

"Holy shit," Oliver said," You have a sense of humor."

"I know," Marduk said," you should see me with Hades one door up. We're a fucking laugh riot!"

"Wow," William said," Can I have my wife back?"

"No," Marduk said, pointing his staff forward. A bright, white light shined from the staff, and a massive ball of ice flew towards the two friends. This was quite a new, and interesting experience for William and Oliver. They found the best thing to do when experiencing new and interesting things is to scream like a small school girl being kissed by Georgie Porgie, and run out of the way.

"Mommy!" Screamed Oliver.

"No Georgie, don't do it!" William yelled.

They both ducked out of the way, flying in opposite directions, and landing on the floor of the cave with two loud thumps. They quickly stood again, and looked at each other.

"Mommy?"William asked.

"Georgie?" Oliver replied.

"Yeah," William replied," I don't even understand that one."

"Fair enough," Oliver said.

Marduk looked at them for a few moments, expectantly. He seemed to be waiting for something.

"Are you going to do something ,or just stare at us?" Oliver asked.

"It's your turn," Marduk said," I told you I would limit myself."

"Why is it that you're hindering your abilities?" William asked.

"I really don't want to keep the girl," Marduk said,"I took my turn, now shoot me, or something. I just don't want to be late for my date."

"You have a date?" Oliver asked," With who?"

"Artemis," Marduk said," two abyss's down."

"Ah,"Oliver replied.

"Yep," Marduk laughed," she's a fox!"

"I see," William said, as he pulled his six shooter from his breast pocket. He pointed it at Marduk's head, and squeezed the trigger. The bullet, rather quickly, flew towards his head and penetrated his skull. He bled a little bit, and started to fade away.

"The doors unlocked," Marduk said," she's laying in the bed."

William and Oliver stared in awe at each other, and contemplated how incredibly easy this task was. They looked back at Marduk, and he had completely disappeared.

"Is he fucking dead?" Oliver asked.

"He'll be up in twelve hours, apparently,"William said.

"Right."

William and Oliver turned to the look at the side of the room, which had become pitch black once again. William kneeled down, and began patting the ground; searching for his torch. After a few moments, he managed to find it. He picked it up, ignited it, and illuminated the room once again. With nothing else to say to each other, William and Oliver walked up tot he door, and looked at it. It was an incredibly ornate door, with a pattern depicting a large eel like creature locked in battle with a Teutonic knight. Down the center of the door, there was a knocker, a keyhole, and a padlock. William's heart pounded with astounding speed. It was time. He had finally made it. It had only been a day, but it felt like a lifetime without his love. His hand shook as he reached for the knocker, hoping the door would slide open.

"I hope this works," William said, grabbing the knocker.

It had happened to her twice now, and she didn't understand why. Ever since William had encountered that Johnny fellow, she had had two of them. Visions. She didn't understand them, but they both seemed to revolve around her bastard father. The first one was of William, Oliver, and herself standing with Johnny, and her father. All that happened, was her father burst into flames, and died. She had enjoyed that one. The second one, was just her fathers face. She remembered now, he was smiling. After this had happened, she had come to realize something. During this vision, Drucilla had become her old self. Not the childish, dreaming woman she became at the wedding. She was herself once more, without the clouding thoughts she could not control. But that had not lasted. She lost the realization, lost her old self, and collapsed.

Drucilla didn't understand these visions, or why she was remembering them now. She was kidnapped by the man who called himself Lucifer, and he had dumped him in this dark room, on a stone bed. Since then she had been sleeping, and was now in this strange state, as though she were trapped between being asleep and awake. This isn't what was bothering her though. The problem was, she was remembering what she remembered when she had her second vision. It involved the day she met William and Oliver. It had to do with the man in the alley. The man in the alley was Johnny. Why was he talking to Johnny? What did Johnny do? Why was he even there? It was happening again. She was remembering when it happened, but she felt like she was there. She felt like she was sitting on that step, waiting, talking to William and Oliver, but at the same time listening to her father speak to. Her father in his black suit, short beard, and well kept hair. Johnny, in his long coat, eyes covered by the shadow cast by his bowler.

She could see them.

She could hear them.

She was there.

"You must be him," Estienne said to me," Mr. Thailborough?"

"Yes yes, quite so," I said to him.

"Has your employer discussed the ramifications to you?"

"Of course he has, we are professionals in this business you know."

"Yes. I see. So, how much will it cost me?"

"An eternity of service, starting when they escape."

"How many have escaped before?"

"Not enough to worry your little head, I'd say."

Estienne smiled.

"Very good then," he said," and, when will she be meeting the little buggers?"

"Soon," I told him," very soon."

"So, why is it Lucifer won't just take the souls as payment?"

"Someone selling their soul has to be willing. If a soul is to be taken without permission of the one to whom the soul belongs, someone else's soul needs to be given as collateral. So there is some sort of profit if the souls escape."

"But I thought you said the souls wouldn't escape?"

"Chances are good they won't. But any soul that is kidnapped, can escape without permission, because they were taken without permission. But don't worry. I just need you to sign this."

I handed him the contract, and he reluctantly signed it. The deed was done, and I could begin my fun. He should have read the fine print, but it didn't seem like he would care anyway. Until the wedding day, William was mine.

She was drifting away.

She had returned.

And now, she was awake. William and Oliver, on either side of her. With the man that Lucifer called Jesus standing next to William.

"Hello dear," Drucilla said to William, grasping his hand, and then looking to Oliver," Hello friend."

"You seem," William said," Different. Like the old Drucilla."

"Not quite," Drucilla said," It's coming back. The thoughts."

"It's time we got out of here," Jesus said," boys did well, buy you were lucky Marduk was in a good mood. Either way, we need to get out of Hell. I'm taking a big risk here."

"What the fuck do you mean?" Oliver asked, angrily.

"I used a LOT of energy, but I did it," Jesus said," I can open the gates. But if I open the gates, all Hell could break loose up top, and Lucifer might not close it again."

"Why," Drucilla asked, almost slipping back to her dreamy self," are you choosing to help us, and not someone else?"

"Why does the Shepard leave behind the many of the flock, for the one stray?" Jesus asked.

William and Drucilla smiled at each other, Oliver looked confused, and Jesus lifted his hands into the air. The dark room lit up with bright white light, and they disappeared from the abyss. They appeared in front of the large, stone, burnt archway. They were in the huge, dismal, grey forest, where this whole mess had started. The only difference here, was the black metal gates on the arch.

"That's how we get out, I take it?" Oliver asked.

"Yep," Jesus said, reaching into his coat pocket," And here's the key."

Jesus pulled a small black key out of his pocket, and handed it to Oliver. There was a loud bang, and three men appeared behind them. Lucifer, Johnny and Estienne, Drucilla's father. Jesus and the three friends turned to face the men, there backs now facing the gate.

"YOU BASTARD!" Screamed Drucilla, to her father.

Estienne looked incredibly confused, and disoriented.

"What in blazes am I doing here?" He said.

"You're either about to stop them," Lucifer said, a look of rage on his face" Or you work for me."

"Why the hell don't you stop them?" Estienne asked, looking at Lucifer and I.

"Lucifer got killed an hour ago," I told him," he can't do anything for another eleven."

"So," Estienne said, furious," you're the lord of darkness, and the underworld, and you're helpless in your own domain?"

"SHUT YOU TRAP, DE SADE!" Lucifer screamed, his voice shaking the earth itself, and made everyone lose there balance," UNLESS YOU STOP THOSE DAMNED KIDS FROM WALKING THROUGH THAT GATE, YOUR ASS IS MINE! SO I'D WATCH WHAT YOU SAY!"

Estienne looked angrily at Lucifer, turned to face Jesus, and three friends.

"Drucilla," Estienne said," Listen to your father, and give me that key."

Drucilla snatched the key from Oliver, and walked up to her father. She dangled the key in front of his face.

"Here you go daddy," she said.

Estienne went to grab the key, but she pulled it away at the last second.

"Not bloody likely," she said, and proceeded to boot her father in the nuts. As he fell to the ground, she sneered at him ,and said," That's pretty fucking hard to do in heels, you know."

Drucilla wandered back to her group, handed the key to Oliver, and stared at the gates expectantly. Oliver looked at Jesus, who merely motioned to the door.

"Shit," Lucifer said.

Estienne rose, in an incredible amount of pain, and ran towards his daughter. He jumped at her, and at the last second Drucilla turned around, pulled William's gun from his breast pocket, pointed it at her fathers head, and fired. He landed on the ground at her feet, and bled. He was dead.

"Shit god damn," Oliver said, wide eyed," he's dead?"

"WHAT?" Lucifer screamed at the top of his lungs," you brought a mortal to Hell?"

"You wanted me to kill him?" I asked, annoyed with my employer.

"Yes," Lucifer said, still enraged," that way, he couldn't die!"

"Well," Johnny said," I figured you'd want him to live. I mean, that was part of the deal, wasn't it?"

"Does it look like I care?" Lucifer asked," now I'm losing three of a possible four souls! I need to profit as much as I can here!"

"Well," I told him," Maybe you should stop treating these people like currency, and start acting like you give a fuck!"

"But I DON'T give a fuck!"

"You know what,Lucy boy?" I yelled at him," I quit!"

"You can't quit!"

"Too fucking bad! The gates about to open, there's nothing stopping me from walking out!"

Lucifer stared in awe, with sudden realization. He had a mixture of malevolent pleasure, and what almost looked like worry on his face.

"Go then," Lucifer said," I have a job to do. Thank you, Jesus, you don't even know how much this will do for me."

"Oh, I do," Jesus said," But we'll be ready. Unlock the gate Oliver."

I walked over to join the three friends. William looked at me, with a sudden demeanor of respect. I had a feeling that I had earned a place in my former enemies heart, and grew proud of this. Oliver walked to the gate, pushed the key into the gate, which then burst open with a loud bang. Instead of the other side of the forest being there, there was nothing but darkness, and loud moans.

"That's just to throw people off," Jesus said wandering through the gate," Follow me."

This was it, this was the final moment. Two days in Hell, and they were getting out. Drucilla acted revenge on her father, and was her old self once again. Oliver had fallen in love, and was hoping to see her again soon. William, however, simply go this lover back .Not only that, he got the woman he loved the way she was when he married her. Now, all he needed was answers, which he knew he could get on the other side of the gate. He looked into the black void, put his arm over Oiver's shoulder, and his arm around Drucilla's waist. Oliver glanced back at me for a moment.

"Is there a chance," he asked," that I might see..."

"Don't worry," I said," I talked to her while you were gone. She's working something out."

"Awesome," Oliver smiled back at me. The three friends walked through the gate, going back home. This was the end of their tales in this place. This was the end of their old lives. This was the end of a great many things, my friends, but let me assure you, it was the beginning of a great many more. And let me assure you as well, this is definitely not the last you'll be hearing from me, on the topic of these friends, or anything else.

I will admit to you, that these stories do not follow any sort of pattern, or theme , or even a conventional story arch at times. Although, maybe that could be one of the underlying themes. Maybe the point I'm trying to make, is no matter who you are, whether you're the son of God, an Englishman, or Death herself, you have a story to tell. And do not worry, there's another story to be told here, that will tie up all the loose ends left behind. If you will be so kind, wait a few days, and please read the next installment, and the many more to come, because at no point any time soon will I run out of stories to tell. It may be that of Oliver, William and Drucilla, or it may be that of my own, but everyone has a story to tell, and you will hopefully be hearing it. This is merely the end of the beginning, and there will be more to come. And now, I must bid you adieu. I hope you have enjoyed yourself, and I hope you will enjoy yourself when you hear from me again.

Sincerely, and gratefully yours,

Johnny Thailborough.

The Recorder.

The

End