Humiliation For The Heart

Chapter Nineteen: Letter Two: Withheld

Zahra’s POV

I pulled into school early, about half an hour before anyone else arrives. There were only three other cars in the parking lot, one I was very familiar with. Blair was in the building, it seems wherever I go he’s goes too. He’s always around, especially when I need to not be around.

Sighing at my chances of having a stress free morning I walked into the main building and headed straight along to the crush hall. I know the chances are very slim that he would have replied but he could have done it last night.

Just like before I pulled the dictionary out from the shelf and opened it on the table before me. Searching through the pages I eventually saw the highlighted text.

Withheld: To Hold Back

Again his text was fitting. He’s describing us and what’s going on. We are both holding back. He’s holding back who he is and I’m holding back my answers to his questions. Clearly we haven’t established trust yet.

Dear Zahra,

Thank you for replying, you have no idea how much that meant to me. Even though you kinda dodged some of my questions I’m still not put off. I understand that you don’t trust me yet, that’s completely understandable. I’m just hoping that at the end of this you will have at least been able to see that some people will put everything on the line for a chance.

Anyway, I guess it’s time to answer your questions. Oh and the reason you only get to ask three is because I know you’re smart and if I give you too many clues you’ll work it out. I would prefer that didn’t happen so soon, at least let me write all the letters. By then you will have definitely had enough clues. But back to business:

When the last time you had a detention and what was was it for?

That is two questions. But I’ll answer them anyway just don’t make a habit of that. I received a detention the day you put this letter in the thesaurus. I received it for pissing about but for a very good cause. That’s all the details you’re going to get on that.

What would make you think Blair was your competition?

You two seem to have this love hate relationship. He kisses you, you kiss him back. He annoys you but you still fall straight back into his arms. You clearly like him, even if you don’t realise it everyone else does. You two have been friends forever and it is expected for something like this to happen.

I also heard that you two are now sleeping together and if that is true then my hopes are nonexistent. Hell it’s Blair Matthews, how am I to compete with him? His reputation is legendary and I doubt you would look twice at me.

Is there a purpose to all this?

Yes. I want a chance. I wouldn’t get it any other way. This is the only way to get one with you, believe me I’ve tried and nothing has worked. If this doesn’t work then I’m giving up.

Now here are my five questions for you:

What’s your favourite colour?

What is your favourite class?

Where would your ideal date be held?

Are you attending the Country Club’s Christmas Party?

If yes, who is your date?

If no, why not?

That’ll do for now. I hope to hear from you soon.

Your secret admirer.

After putting the dictionary back I headed up to the library to write a response. For some weird reason I’m starting to look forward to these letters. I never thought I would even think that.

The library wasn’t empty; Blair was crouched over a pile of textbooks studying hard. It’s weird to see that they are Biology textbooks. As if he needs to study when he’s just going to get the answers and cheat. I was suddenly annoyed and ended up storming past him. Of course this caught his attention.

“Whoa calm down there sweetheart.” He turned in his chair and watched me walk to a vacant table against the wall. “So what has you so riled?”

“This is a library. Stop talking.” He smirked and wandered over.

“The librarian isn’t even here Zahra. Plus no one’s in school at this ghastly hour. So what are you up to?” Blair asked taking a seat next to me. He reached forward to see what I had with me but there was no way I was going to let him see the letter. “Ooh what’s that?”

“Nothing.” His smiled perked up and he saw this as some crap challenge.

“Now don’t lie.” His hands slip across the desk reaching for it. I quickly pulled it off the table and onto my lap. This didn’t deter him though, he ran his hand over my leg as he tried to grasp for it. I had had enough of him practically groping me so slapped his arms away.

“It’s got nothing to do with you so why don’t you just leave me alone.” I warned. His smile grew and I thought he was going to try and go for it again but instead he brushed a few strands of my hair out of my face.

“That’s much better, don’t you think? I can now see you clearly.” The devious smile was gone and replaced with a soft caring one. Blair’s just too confusing. One minute he’s being a jerk and the next I’m actually starting to think there is someone really sweet behind that mask he puts on.

“Thanks.” I mumbled turning away from him and taking books out my bag to make it look like I came here to work.

“Welcome. I see you you’re doing biology. Mind if I join you? Thanks.” He never gave me time to answer and had started to bring some of his books over. I sighed loudly and tried to calm myself down. He didn’t know he was preventing me from doing something important therefore I can’t get mad at him.

Blair sat back down next to me and picked up from where he left off. I didn’t know what to do. There was no way I could write a reply to that letter with him sitting there but I had done all my biology last night. This whole thing was pointless.

“What’s wrong?” Blair asked a few seconds later.

“Nothing.” I told him, flipping pages like I was looking for something.

“It just seemed like something was bothering you.”

“Something is. You.” After I said it I felt guilty. He was just asking if I was okay and I jumped the gun and attacked him. He nodded his head.

“Sorry.” With that he packed up his books and left the library before I had a chance to stop him.

I should be glad he’s gone since now I can do what I came here to do but deep down, deep deep down, I feel really guilty for that. Blair has his moments of being nice and sweet but majority of the time I can’t tell the difference between his good moments and bad so just verbally attack him. This has to be taking its toll on our friendship, if you can even call it that.

Deciding it was too late to go after Blair and apologise I pulled the letter out and read it over once more before starting my reply. At least there is one guy in my life right now who I can’t piss off.

Blair’ POV

I steered clear of Zahra after the mornings run in. I don’t know how I do it but I just have a talent of pissing her off. After lunch I had a free period and decided I would go play tennis since there wasn’t a P.E. class using the courts.

Walking passed the crush hall I saw Zahra placing the thesaurus back on the shelf. My heart soared, she was answering me again. So not to cause a scene I continued along the way I was going, giving her time to leave, then doubled back on myself.

The crush hall was empty when I entered which suited me perfectly. Following the usual routine I took the letter from the thesaurus then headed out to the tennis courts to read her response. There was a high chance I could see someone I knew and they’d ask what I had and I really don’t want to explain that to them just yet.

Hey again. Just to clarify, I’m not sleeping with Blair. I’ve only slept with two guys before and he is not one of them. Also I’m not a slut, as you can tell since I’ve only slept with two guys, therefore don’t expect that by doing this you’ll get laid afterwards if I like you. I’ll start now.

What’s your favourite colour?

Green

What is your favourite class?

Biology or English

Where would your ideal date be held?

Wouldn’t matter as long as I was with the right guy.

Are you attending the Country Club’s Christmas Party?

Yes

If yes, who is your date?

I don’t have one yet. No one has caught my eye.

So now that I’ve answered your questions, it’s your turn to answer mine.

Would you think yourself as innocent- being good, well behaved, sexually, whatever-?

Do you play any musical instruments?

What’s with the words you highlight in the dictionary?

There, that’s me for now. I’ll wait to hear from you soon. Thanks for not leaking any of this stuff so far.

Zahra.

She was coming around. Slowly.

I can understand that trust doesn’t come easy with her but its kind of hard to prove I am trustworthy since these are only letters. I’ll have to work on that.

In the next letter I’ll suggest a new idea for her. Recently I realised that writing is an old fashioned way of communication therefore I need a modern way to communicate with her. Email can be traced and Zahra knows that Piers would help her trace the email account so I needed a better way.

We all have cell phones and all I needed was another sim card to get this to work. She can’t trace the number as I’ll never use it for anything other than keeping in contact with her. Phone calls are not allowed since she will definitely recognise my voice but texting her should work fine.

That’ll all come soon. I need her to agree to it first. I can understand if she’s worried about giving out her cell number but technically I already have it. But this will also be an exercise of trust, to see if she’s willing to give it to me.

Who knows, it might just work.

A.N.

Sorry for delay, I have a cold and feel awful. Hopefully I’ll update soon. Thanks.

Michelle