Let me cry to sleep.
Like every other heart-broken girl.
Forget what we told our mirror today.
"I am a strong, and independent woman."
And other catch phrases like;
"I do not need a man to make me happy."
or
"Friends will always be friends."
No. Lets forget that crap.
And think up new phrases like;
"Who's hating you today, girl?"
and
"You're going out in that? No wonder they hate you."
and often adding a helpless sounding
"No one would date you unless you gave it up first date, and the lights could stay off."

Perhaps it's the media I should blame.
For putting those false ideas in kids brains.
That girls should be this.
And boys should act this.
And teens should never do as told.

Yeah, the older guys like me best.
Because I'm an old soul.
In a fresh, innocent body.
With a less then innocent mind.
So desperate for the love I've been denied.

I could blame my momma.
For taking up the bottle.
For never teaching me how to smile.
Or how to talk to people, without crying.
If mama had taught me how to be bold, instead of how to cower, I'd be stronger.

I could also blame the schools.
For having sick people for teachers.
Who used to yell at me until I'd cry.
And make everyone stare.
Or the kids, who used to steal my books.
Deface my art, and write in the bathrooms.
All those nasty words our moms were supposed to teach us never to utter.

I don't know who to blame.
Besides my self.
Maybe it's me.
And maybe I can't change it.
I'd have to re-learn how to be alive.
And that's sixteen years of undone work.
All for apparently nothing more then a few wise words.
And the occasional I'm sorry.

I am sorry you know.
For everything I've fucked up on.
For dumping you for no reason. For lying to you. For using you.
For calling you abusive. For telling you to get over his death. To be happy again.
For telling you I didn't love you. When really, I just wanted you to love me so bad that it hurt.
For telling everyone you used me. When really, I made myself believe you did.
Even if its true. I'm sorry. I think.
All of it, maybe was true, and honest.
But maybe I shouldn't have said it.
Because if I hadn't, I'd still be happy. So would you.
And I wouldn't be crying myself to sleep, like every night since this all started.

Now I know you think I'm a whiner.
That I'm full of shit, and lies, and all things disgusting.
But I want you to know what's going on with me.
I haven't ever told you guys a lie.
Never ever ever. And I never would.
Now with all this bad stuff going on I maybe made it sound like I blamed you.
It's not your fault.
It's mine.

Sorry.