Freedom

I slit my wrists and watch the blood flow across the floor,

And as it flows my life and sorrow stream out with it.

I see my birth, my childhood;

Wanting to be loved by a father who didn't understand;

Longing to fit into a world where I could never belong;

Being loved by someone who couldn't love me back;

Watching the one I love poison himself with beautiful lies and manipulation;

Wanting to die so my brown eyed guardian could be truly free;

Constant rejection from men who could never and would never truly see me;

Realizing my winged guardian didn't love me as he once did;

Watching his pain and hurt and anger as I ripped his wings and burned them with

My acid tongue.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I see the broken shards and frayed stitches of my heart bleed out of me in rivers of crimson.

But I also see the happiness trickle away,

And no matter how weakly I grasp at it, the memories elude me.

The times the brown eyed one truly loved me;

The times he held me in his arms and dried my falling tears;

The times he told me he loved me more than anything in this dark, forbidden world;

All my joy, all my smiles, all the times my heart leapt in elation

Slipping past my weakening, bloodied fingers.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I will never get them back again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

So as I sit alone and bleeding away on the bathroom floor,

As I see my few happy moments that made it all worth while fade away

Along with the pain I longed to rid from my body,

Tears spill down my face, mixing with my blood,

And I wonder,

Dearest Father. . .

What have I done?