A Slip in Time, a Fantasy fanfic

Short story written in my writing class. Written using only letters and news articles, a la Jaclyn Moriarty.

A SLIP IN TIME

Extracts From Reports on History and Premonition and Time-Travel in General

The future and the past are very firm. Neither is willing to change in many ways, so manipulating the past and future can be extremely difficult and time consuming. Incidentally, once one has learnt and mastered the ways of time-travel, he or she will have no concern for this matter.

It also seems that the strangest events can lead to the most disastrous outcome. For example, the entire Second World War could have been prevented with the purchase of a painting.

Dear Finder,

Looks like you’re the one lucky enough to find my letter. Feel proud, feel glad, feel lucky.

Come to this place (your locker) tomorrow and you’ll find another letter, just for you!

Dear Pal,

Good for you! You came back! You’ve proven through your loyalty that you’re good enough for this spell!

This is a spell to GLOW IN THE DARK.

You will need;

-One wrapper of a chessburger

-One permanent marker

-A Polish name

Instructions;

Simply write the Polish name on the wrapper over and over!

This spell will work from midnight in seven days. It will last for six hours. Use them well.

Good luck!

Dear… whoever

Okay, I don’t know what the hell this is about, or what a chessburger is (did you mean CHEESEburger?), but it’s kinda creepy.

Stop leaving me letters.

Thanks.

By the way, cheeseburger or chessburger aside… that was easy.

Dear Buddy,

Congratulations! You have the sense to correct spelling! I’m so proud of you!

Here’s the next spell!

This is a spell to MAKE A WITCH BURN.

You will need;

-A yellow rope

-Some olives (we recommend a jar)

-A building

Instructions;

Simply tie the yellow rope around the jar of olives and throw them off a building!

This spell will work in two weeks.

By the way… now you’ve started, you can’t stop! Not until all the spells are done!

Dear Stalker,

That stunt got me suspended.

GO AWAY.

Thanks.

Dear Bestie,

The first spell should work TONIGHT! Good luck with it!

But for now, here’s a new one!

This is a spell to MAKE SOMEONE PAY FOR YOUR LUNCH

You will need;

-Yourself

-A teacher

Instructions;

Walk up to the teacher and say the following;

“Are you a demon? Don’t you worship Satan? So, tell me… how IS dear Luci?”

This spell will work in four days.

Dear Witch,

Are you gonna burn?

Because that glowing crap worked.

I’m hoping that you’ll spontaneous combust in a few days. How many was it?

Anyway, since I’m in detention right now (Teachers don’t like being called Satanic, apparently), I’ll tell you what happened, stalker-witch.

We were out in Franklin Square. We being me and my friend (stalkers get no names). We were out late, where I won’t say. You could be a cop or something.

It all seemed convenient, really. The darkness, the mugger… it all happened as the clock struck twelve. And, well… how the hell do people glow like that? Are you an alien? Or a witch? Or what?

Tell me sometime.

Dear Friend,

Well done! I knew it would work for you!

I’m no witch. Just a messenger. That spell will work in NINE days.

Here’s the next one!

Only four more to go!

This is a spell to MAKE SOMEONE BUY A PENCIL CASE

You will need;

-A lemon

-A knife

-A bath of lukewarm water

Instructions;

Simply peel the lemon with the knife and throw the peel into the bath water! Leave it there for thirty minutes.

This spell will work tomorrow.

Your spell made my mum buy me a pencil case.

I’m dumbfounded.

I forget I have a mother.

Your magic really works. Whatever’s going on is so random, but man, it’s so cool!

When will a witch burn?

When can I thank you, face to face?

Hello there!

Tomorrow the spell to MAKE SOMEONE BUY YOUR LUNCH will work.

Today, it’s a spell to MAKE A TAXI CRASH

You will need;

-A manila folder

-Goat’s milk

-An HD DVD player

Instructions;

Put the HD DVD player in the manila folder and then place them both in the milk. Then throw it off a bridge onto the highway where it will be run over by a log-truck.

This spell will work in EIGHT days.

Only three spells left!

WHOA.

THAT WAS WEIRD.

I had to steal a HD DVD player.

That log-truck was right on time. Here’s some of the remains for you.

How do you keep breaking into my locker and all? How do you always know?

Whatever.

Witch.

You are the best thing ever.

When will the witch burn? Can you take that back?

Oh, guess what? You were right. Andy felt sorry for me and bought me a burger.

A chessburger.

Hahaha.

When can I thank you, esper?

Two more spells left! Aren’t you having fun? Don’t you feel great? Relieved? Powerful? I KNOW I WOULD! After all, your spells are altering the world! They’re making the world a better place for you, me – everyone! You are a superhero, saving the world by following these instructions!

The spell to MAKE A WITCH BURN will work in several days and the spell to MAKE A TAXI CRASH will work in about six.

This is a spell to MAKE A PAGE TEAR.

You will need;

-A computer mouse

-Five staples

-A stick

-A pear (it must be green with brown speckles)

Instructions;

Wrap the cord of the computer mouse around the stick. Stick the five staples into various places on the pear (it must be green with brown speckles). Throw them both into the sea and run home.

This spell will work in SEVEN days.

Okay, what a random spell. Sorry, Mister or Missus Esper-Stalker, but it really was. And, really, how will a page tearing benefit humanity? You bullshitting me? Eh. Keep ‘em coming, Esper You.

When can I thank you?

Second last spell!

This one is to MAKE A BRIDE JUMP IN A POOL.

You will need;

-A red pencil

-A blank piece of paper

-Water

Instructions;

Write on the piece of paper a list of your dreams and goals. Don’t stop until you cover both sides! Then pour the water over it and you’re done!

This spell will work in TWO days.

A LIST OF MY DREAMS A GOALS (In very big writing)

-To have lots and lots of money. Heaps of it.

-To have a really, really, really big house.

-To be really popular.

-To never have to worry

-To never have to cry

-To live an interesting and adventurous life

-To travel to every country

-To get married

-And have kids

-To meet my esper stalker

-To finish this list

-To actually pass high school which looks really, really unlikely

-To make my parents proud

-To look at this list and not feel like the corniest person alive.

Here it is! The final spell!

It’s been a lot of fun, eh? Well, after this spell, everything will be well in the world and humanity will be saved!

This is a spell to MAKE A BANANA SKIN APPEAR.

You will need:

-Seven bananas

-No monkeys

-One fire

-A bucket of water

-A box

Instructions:

Peel all seven bananas. Toss their skins onto the fire and wait for them to reduce to ashes. Next, add the bananas themselves. Finally, throw the box onto the flames. Then, quickly, throw on the bucket of water.

This spell will work TOMORROW.

Farewell, buddy, amigo, aibou!

Hey!

What gives you the right to leave without explaining all this to me? How does a car crash save the world? You’re so insane. Really.

A car crash and a banana peel. I’d suggest that you have delusions, because all that banana peel did was trip up some random girl at school.

Are you writing again?

No.

WEDDING DISASTER
A local wedding ended in tragedy after a drink-driver crashed into the ceremony.

The groom, twenty-year-old Samuel Smith was hit by the car. He was taken to hospital but died in the early morning. His bride, Karen Jackson, was so distraught at the sight she ran away from the crime scene, tripping and falling into the pool. Miss Jackson was last seen exiting the hospital, holding their torn marriage certificate.

Johnny Barker, a thirty-two-year-old taxi driver, is being held in prison with charges of manslaughter. Mister Barker was unavailable for comment.

Comments appreciated and adored.

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