Unicycle

One cyle.

One wheel.

One path.

Alone.

I thought that you were the one.

To save me when I fell. To hold my hand when I grasped at air. To embrace me when I was cold.

But no.

As always, I walked upon this line of fate so separated from others, always walking, always waiting.

My friend.

Bitter words.

Lovely words.

My.

Damn.

Friend.

You…who I watched protectively even as others dazzled you with their comments.

You…who I sat next to wordlessly, afraid of breaking this delicate friendship.

Sharing lunches with you. Walking with you. Placing bets with you.

You.

Took my breath away.

Made it hard to stand.

Made it ache to see.

To know that I was just a passerby in your extravagant life.

To know that when my hand reached out…you wouldn’t even see.

It was bitter.

Significance is a word that failed to latch onto me. It dangled and fell, meant to be picked up by another man.

I knew that you were the one.

For me.

But I also knew that to you…I was no one. Just the guy that was there.

Always there.

Never gone.

Content.

Simple.

So in my heart, I began to walk way.

Pretending it didn’t hurt. Pretending that my legs weren’t stone, that there was just something in my eye.

Pretending.

That I wasn’t just a third wheel. The unrequited love.

Telling myself that there was never unrequited love. That we were only friends. So it would hurt less.

Time.

It should have helped.

But it did nothing.

At your wedding, our eyes met.

I found my footsteps leading towards the exit, my hand trying to muffle a cry.

I shouldn’t have come.

Did you know that this was the church?

That I imagined?

It hurts.

And pretending…doesn’t help.

Pretending that I wasn’t jealous.

That I wasn’t afraid.

Of losing these dreams.

Of losing.

At.

All.

Cruel pain.

Real pain.

When you asked me why I left, I just smiled.

You saved me once already.

My heart didn’t deserve to be saved a second time.

So I watched.

As you grew happier.

Fonder of him.

Of your life.

And I took a further step back.

As you waved me forward, telling me to look at your first child.

I wished it was mine.

So I stepped back.

Carefully declining your invitations.

Stepping back.

Packing my bags.

Right after you told me about his first steps.

He really is beautiful. So painfully beautiful.

In the terminal, I took a deep breath. Knowing that I was just protecting you.

That I was breathing fine without you.

That what I felt…didn’t matter.

Hearing your sudden footsteps tugged at me.

Hearing you screaming out my name to stop messing around…like you really loved me, brought me to tears.

But I trudged on.

But hearing your sobbing voice, the crack that it emitted…told me to stay.

I was afraid to turn around.

Just a turn of the head wouldn’t hurt.

And I saw them. Your kind husband. Your beautiful child. In the distance, coming for you.

And I knew for certain.

All along, you never needed me. It was just me…who thought you needed me.

I met eyes with you and finally.

Finally you understood.

You understood my tears, the longing, the love I had for you and it made you cry harder.

I shook my head and forced my mouth to smile, my hand coming up to wave at you. “Wish me luck,” I had said.

And then I continued. Turning around, throwing away the dreams. The hopes. And trying to find a new dream to latch onto.

I loved you.

And now I know…when we met eyes…I know now that you loved me too.

I will begin a new life. With new dreams. With new people.

And I’ll hold your memory dear even though it pains me.

Because though you may not know it now, later you’ll thank me.

For abandoning you.

Because I’m just paying you back.

You saved my heart once.

And now…I just saved yours.

A/N: I have this obsession with simplicity these days. Long sentence really bother me. Not reading them, but writing them.

This is a simple story I wrote out of the blue. Exploring more emotions than not. If you’re wondering what the last phrases mean, he’s telling her with his actions that he still loves her. But he knows his place.

This feels a little like my other one-shot Coma, but not. Just…the lonely feeling is there.