A/N: For those of you who have read my previous stories, I warn you: this is unlike anything I have written before. This is something new I decided to create on the spur-of-the-moment. Some of you might find it hard to understand and a huge mess of randomness, and some of you might just decide that reading this would be a complete waste of your time. Of course, there will be a select few- and let me stress on the few - who might actually find this worth something.

As they say, the best lie is one with half-truths. And so is this. A story of my actual life (I'm not joking. These things have actually happened to yours sincerely), though I have omitted a few more personal things from it, but those of you that know me will, of course know this for what it is--and, if you're lucky, even see the effect you've had on my life!

And thus, my story begins, starting from a randomly selected day in my life...

---

Hidden Emotions

24th October.

It is 4am. It is also 4 days away from my birthday and I feel…dissatisfied with life. I have more than what most people have. I know it. My parents always tell me to appreciate. But I think that something within me is missing. Something that is vital to living in this harsh world. And yes, it is a harsh world. I’ve stopped kidding myself years ago though my parents still think I’m living in some fantasy-world up in my head that’s based on make-believes and wishes that come true.

Present dilemma: guy problems.

It happens.

Oh no, this isn’t your usual everyday problem which includes being pissed of by a guy. This is more…in a roundabout way. I feel…depressed and envious. My life, which is by some people’s standards, relatively complete. I mean come on, I have a perfectly formed body—and NO, I am not talking about being a hot model chick, but rather the fact that I have two arms, a pair of legs, eyes that can see…yada yada. I even consider myself to be averagely pretty. Not a gorgeous babe that leaves a trail of guys drooling in my wake (I wish). Just average.

I come from a—again—relatively well to do family. I have siblings to keep me company which single kids usually want (Why? I have absolutely no idea. I’ll trade them for peace and quiet any day). I get relatively good grades. Relatively applies a lot to me, as you've noticed. Isn’t everything relative, after all? I read and write well, in English, anyway. My Cantonese is horrible—and yes, that’s supposed to be my mother tongue—and my grasp of mandarin is, to put it nicely, horrible. I do a lot of things normal girls don’t do. Fixing my own roof for example. By the way, I’m nineteen.

I also build my own computer. Me and my bro just got together one day, bought all the necessary computer parts and built it up from scratch. I consider that one of the greatest accomplishments in life. Sad, isn’t it? Though I don't know if that makes me a geek...I make great birthday cards (custom-made, of course) and have designed my dream home on Sims2. I’ve played tons of RPGs (pc games only. I don’t have a PS or any kind of consoles—yet), a couple of online games and will probably begin to expand my expertise into the console area pretty soon.

Yeah, definitely a geek. If it's any help, I read too, lots and lots. A term that better suits me would be an otaku (for those of you that know what this word actually means).

And oh, I’ve dabbled in the stock market a bit. Yea, well. Dad decided to give me and my siblings two thousand bucks each to invest. Cool dad, eh? If we lose money, he’ll mark off the losses as his. If we make money, we get to keep it. Kinda like a win-win situation.

The list of my accomplishments go on…I should feel lucky. Most people would yet…

Sigh.

Maybe there is something wrong with me.

Dissatisfaction.

A common enough human trait. That feeling has been hanging around the edge of my consciousness since yesterday. I immediately identified the feeling of course, but as all humans do, I see what I only wanted to see.

This whole thing so far probably makes no sense to you. It does to me. This represents…me, my feelings, of which I have never put on paper before, or anywhere. I don’t keep a diary. I don’t blog. I don't use friendster, though my account is probably still there, but I haven't touched it in years...

Seriously.

I’m slightly different from all the other cyber-using teens around the world. What I said earlier about myself is actually true. I’m not exaggerating. Its plain facts, and those of you who think I am, well, that’s your opinion.

I’ve recently been trying to be unjudgmental. I get tired of going around and hearing other people comment on others, gossiping behind their backs. “Look at what she’s wearing. My god, that girl has totally no sense of color” or the typical “Kids these days simply have no morals” coming from the older generation when a skimpily dressed youngster walks by. Of course, Malaysians don’t talk that way. They would actually go “Haiyoh! (a commonly used Malaysian expression) Look at her ah! Dress till like that!” and the tsk tsk tsks will follow soon after.

If you’ve watched Puah Chu Kang, you would know what I’m talking about.

But who are you to judge? As one great person once said, “To judge others, you must first judge yourself.” Don’t ask me who said that because I wouldn’t be able to tell you. Some wise old man most likely.

But I think we’re sidetracking from the main issue why I started this whole long rambling thing in the first place.

I think I'm starting to hate my best friend.