I feel like a bad person. Maybe not bad, but wrong. I feel that way often when I wonder about what my friends would think if they knew what my interest, perversion perhaps, is. And I can’t help but think of them now, as I wait alone in the dark park.

My closest friend has mentioned a few times about wondering what it would like to be with a women. She’s brought it up jokingly to her husband once or twice. I’ve heard that’s a man’s dream, but her husband didn’t seem interested. She told me that he joked back that they might get one of his male friend’s to join them. I don’t know if he was as serious as she was, but she didn’t seem to think so.

One of my friends has been with her boyfriend for many years but has only recently admitted to our small group that her and her boyfriend dabble in SMBD. Sado-Masochism Bondage and Discipline. We all laughed about it and told her it wasn’t that crazy, that she could have told us a long time ago. Still, when she isn’t around, there are comments or jokes made about it, none in her favor. I myself have made a few of those comments, even some jokes. I don’t see the rush or appeal of getting beaten or beating others. Maybe I don’t understand though, but I’ve never thought to ask.

All of us have different interests, not all are so broad. Some of us like big men, some like effeminate men, some are exhibitionists, a few are still virgins. Despite all that, I’ve never felt able to talk about myself, what I would like to try or what I fantasize about. I wish I could talk to my friends about it, but as it is, I’m alone.

Now I see someone approaching. It could very well not be my date, but all the same I feel my heart begin to race. It doesn’t seem to take long before he is right in front of me, and grabs me, and then I know it’s him. This is the guy I met on the internet earlier this night. This is the man who has agreed to rape me.