Holiday fears break the joy in my heart,

Fat men in suits that come on schedule every year.

Drunk.

Needing.

I stay here, all year long, watching seasons pass,

The black moments of my life dotted here and there,

Christmas.

Thanksgiving.

Easter bunnies that leave eggs in the hidden places.

That creep into my room, taking what they find, instead of leaving.

Taking.

Leaving.

Fear comes in through the open arms of love.

Concealed by business suits and reputation.

Church.

Bed.

Lighted trees are a haven seen under my door.

Quiet voices from the den my salvation.

Wishing.

Screaming.

Inside my mind is my refuge.

I do here what I cannot act out in my life.

Why?

Because.

Family matters.

A favorite quote repeated, and hung on the wall by our door.

Necessity.

Silences.

All rights that I hold are suspended.

My temple intruded upon.

Ravaged.

Violated.

Holidays come.

And I wish I could go.

Release.

Forever.