Stranded

At 3.08 in the morning, we talk. Finally.

But it’s still not enough.

I never asked for more because I was afraid to.

I still am, so I don’t ask.

You didn’t ask either.

The only thing I asked of you was friendship,

And your word to keep me safe.

You failed, and I was too proud to ask for help.

No, you failed me, and I didn’t trust you enough to ask.

I’d been treated like shit all night,

It’s all in good fun, just a joke.

But then you abandoned me there.

I wanted to hate you.

I hated you.

I couldn’t hate you.

So I hated myself instead.

Disgusted at myself at myself for being so stupid.

Used me & left me & I let you.

The water stung my skin, scalding,

As I sat in the shower hating myself.

No matter how hot the water was,

It wasn’t enough to melt through

The collective cold and the dirt.

I’m old enough to look after myself.

I know this now.

I don’t need you.

But I do care. I wish I didn’t.

You sent me a msg. I think, you’re worried.

Why? Do you care?

I always hope you do, you say I’m cold,

And I try to open up. Each time,

I begin to, but you say something colder,

And then I remember.

Oh. You’re just as cold after all.

I close and freeze again.

But you seem worried, this time.

Do you care? Why?

You msged me again.

You think we need to talk.

So at 3.08 in the morning, we talk. Finally.