101 RuLEs to BEiinG ME

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1.I shall not throw food at the already running fans for entertainment… this could create a very messy result.

2.I shall not do the chicken dance in the middle of the hallway... it attracts weird looks.

3.When my friend has problems I shall not shout out ‘an abortion is the best way to go!’ randomly. Again this attracts VERY shocked stares.

4.I shall not yell out “IT’S SNOWING” when I see leaves falling from trees, during lunch in the middle of the playground.

5.I shall not even CONSIDER taking my bestie up on her dare for me to eat hot chips that have fallen and rolled around in dirt.

6.Do not try to eat dirt and end up choking on it; it does not taste as good as it did when I was five.

7.I shall not laugh directly in front of my teacher when she uses funny vocab words such as ‘hub’

8.I shall not correct my teacher in their area of ‘specialities’, because it tends to make them awfully cranky.

9.I shall not have to explain to my teacher the reason I need to go to the toilet, is because its ‘that time of the month’

10.I shall not drink coffee unless a pound of sugar has been poured in it. Cause, its just… ew!

11.I shall refrain from strangling my best friend when she laughs at my misfortunes. Payback is more evil and fun.

12.I shall not let my friend draw on me while I am asleep in class, and let her get away with it

13.if that DOES happen, I shall not walk around the school for the whole day not noticing it.

14.I shall not colour my friend’s hair in yellow highlighter; it’s not right…. Permanent marker is the way to go.

15.After first seeing one of my friends, that had just come back from an overseas tv show, it is not polite to gape at her sudden arrival, looking like a dying fish, as she walks past my class.

16.I shall not look at the clock lovingly, and praise it to ring; waiting for the bell, as this results in people suspecting I have no life…. Whether it happens to be true or not.

17.I shall not take advantage of my friend while she’s asleep, by steeling her things; to see if she noticed, because I might forget to give them back.

18.I shall not join in when my class decides to scream different animal noises, as this leads to them looking at me weird having both of us found out that I am particularly good at sound effects.

19.I shall not try 865 combinations on a lock that I have forgotten the password to, just to prove a point; it takes a VERY long time… not to mention stressful

20.I shall not space out during a netball game, I could potentially end up on the floor, stunned, with a big red mark on forehead.

21.I shall not hit back my friend when my friend hit me, or so SHE says!

22.If I am going to pretend to read a book during class, but actually draw in my diary, I shall make sure that when the teacher comes around that my book is not upside-down; thus making her nod disapprovingly and tell me the RIGHT page as well.

23.When talking about secrets, I shall not give secret code names to people, as it would be slightly embarrassing when you talk about ‘Bubbles’ during Maths.

24.I shall not bite people as they might use the red bite marks as evidence against me.

25.I shall not let my guard down when around very creative minded friends.

26.Avoid pointy objects when the friend is holding one and happens to be crazy!

27.I shall not make the mistake of participating in my friends hysteric mock-cat fights.

28.I shall not let her get away with saying ‘she started them!’ to other friends; especially when from past ‘incidents’ no one would believe ME.

29.I shall not willingly become a canvas for my friends ‘artistic’ talents in creating rainbows.

30.I shall not punch boys just because they are saying mean stuff about me, I shall kill them instead… or if not that extreme, wedgies are also very effective.

31.I shall not shout at strangers just randomly, they might actually come up to me and talk.

32.When going ‘Free Hugging’ I shall make sure not to hug inanimate objects; poles are nice and all, but I might feel awkward when they don’t hug back.

33.When in conversation with friends that involve big words, I shall not admit that I have no idea what they are talking and just nod my head understandingly; trying hard not to resemble a bobble head too much.

34.To get friend off of you when leaning on your shoulder, stay away from head butting them… this apparently causes a painful migraine… and stars forming in front of face.

35.Getting bubble gum all over your face is fun, but having to get it off is MORE fun. So avoid going without long periods of time without bubblegum!

36.I shall not make up half of my speech on the spot, as this could lead to me babbling about something that has no relation to the topic because of my nervousness. Warning: might lead to me looking like a dear caught in headlights.

37.I shall not bite people. I shall not bite people. I shall NOT bite people.

38.I shall not follow the earlier step, because my friends are too annoying!

39.I shall not admit that I am stupid even if my friend bribes me with a cookie. Mmm. Cookie.

40.But I shall admit it when they give me candy.

41.When eating an ice-cream cone, I shall not walk behind someone unpredictable as this could lead to a very sticky face mask.

42.Walking in the middle of the road causes traffic, I shall NOT stand for the incessant beeping of horns; I shall merely get out of their way slower.

43.I shall not be bought out with sugared items as a bribe… unless those items happen to be candy canes!

44.Using your friend as a shield to block yourself from an on going water attack is not a good idea, especially when ‘said friend’ pours water down your back.

45.Singing ‘Teletubbies’ in the subway scares on going viewers, so I shall definitely not rob them of hearing my WONDERFUL singing talents. Oh, and dancing too.

46.I shall not slap people’s butts. Full stop.

47.I most definitely shall not pretend to drown to get someone’s attention, especially when said person can’t even swim themselves… I am only left with a mouth full of water.

48.With the previous statement, if I find myself in this situation, angry at ‘said friend’ I shall not spit out the mouth full of water at her no matter how tempting.

49.Dancing in front of your mirror is fun, however, I shall watch out for my bestie video recording me next time!

50.Blackmail and incrimination. A girl’s best friend. Well, other than her pocket knife and sleeping gas. Deadly on so many levels, but no matter HOW alluring, I must NOT use it against my friends for revenge.

51.I shall not attempt a hand stand in the middle of the desert, I could end up flat on my back, stiff as a stick!

52.I love trees, but not in the serious way. However, I shall NOT hug a tree too tight… or I might walk away with splinters.

53.I shall not call my friends weird and strange names like potato. No matter HOW much I want to.

54.I shall NOT turn into one of those people that is obsessed with saying ‘dude,’ my bestie already has that vacancy filled.

55.Neither shall I develop a fetish for calling my friends ‘women’; as from another bestie.

56.A few hours of sleep is not enough. Sleep deprivation tends to make me hyper and really confused. Warning: might start to put the milk in the sink and the cereal bow in the fridge.

57.How ever much I like cake, I shall refrain my self from rubbing the entire dessert over my face.

58.I shall not loose the pepper shakers lid, and then forget about it my self, causing my food to be extremely peppery.

59.When in an awkward situation, I shall not try to lighten the mood by whistling or making obscure noises with my mouth; I could end up with an abused arm.

60.I shall not make haikus about cheese.

61.Rainbows are pretty and all, but it might not be a good idea to follow one and get lost.

62.I shall not rearrange the letters from a previous note on the white board to make rude and/or funny words. Some people might take the note/writing seriously.

63.I shall NOT look under my bed because I heard some noises late at night, my cat might pounce out of it and scare me crapless.

64.No matter how tempting the idea of a belly flop into a pool is, it is best not to try if you have had food just before entering.

65.Dancing in the rain is fun. I shall NOT do it ‘once in a while’… I shall do it 24/7!

66.I shall no to do the ‘Z’ snap when trying to prove my point; as I am horrible at it and shall end up looking like I have ants in my pants, sounding like a bee.

67. I shall not wake up extremely early on a Saturday morning, all dressed up and ready to go to school, only to remember that it’s the weekend AND the first day of holidays.

68.I shall NEVER call one of my best friends ‘girlfriend’ in a sentence… it’s just not right.

69.I shall not blow bubbles and make them pop with my extra sticky chewing gum when my fringe is in the way.

70.I shall not skip assembly, especially if I’m waiting in my room, when the assembly goes for about an hour more than planned.

71.I shall not shout in my friends face who is meant to be walking behind me as I turn around: especially if she’s actually NOT right behind me and it happens to be some random.

72.I shall not anger one of my friends if she has anger management problems: this might provoke her to pushing me up against a pole and strangling me

73.If found in this type of situation I shall not kick her in the stomach… giving her a broken nose would be MUCH more effective.

74.I shall not help out a bad swimmer that is drowning; they might take me down with them.

75.I shall not call out to my friend ‘Mrs. Smartie Pants!?’ to try and get her attention during class, because the teacher might turn around and say ‘yes?’

76.I shall not study few days before a test, I shall study the night before, because recent test poles say I do better when I don’t study.

77.I shall not hit the tennis ball so hard that my racket goes flying out of my hands; especially when in the direction of someone’s head.

78.I shall not at the age of 8, beat a grown man at the estimated age of 40, more than 10 times in a row, in a mind/board game.

79.However, I am free to do so if said adult is challenging me and calling me a baby or provoking me in any way.

80.I shall not under any circumstance, get stuck in a room with a little girl and her dollies. THE HORRORS OF DRESS UP!

81.Mud fights are fun!

82.Just not if you have to clean your hair for a while trying to get it out; so avoid not getting as much gunk in hair, try to get more in opponents.

83.I shall not listen to my mum when she says ‘two wrongs don’t make a right,’ revenge is a good thing, especially when the person needing the revenge stole my toy car.

84.I shall not let it slip that ‘said friend’ stole my toy car, even through I cut her Barbie’s hair off.

85.No matter how many times I watch Merry Poppins, I shall not try to jump of a metre high ledge, with an umbrella in hand; trying to fly.

86.I shall NOT attempt to run in high heels… ever!

87.I shall not wear flowy mini skirt on a windy day on an outing. to think of it…I should not wear mini skits, full stop. Unless with shorts underneath.

89.I shall not tie my shoe laces together while I’m sitting down, but forget that I had done them up that way, and stand up only to have fallen back down flat on my face.

90.I shall not lock myself out of the house, which then forces me to break in through the bathroom window.

91.I shall not grab someone’s bag by accident then have no idea whose it is… or more importantly, where MINE is!

92.I shall not use my snow sled to go down the stairs in my house.

93.I shall not hurl myself to the tip of a sand dune and over the edge.

94.I shall ignore the previous step, because it’s WAY too much fun getting sand everywhere on you!

95.I shall not try to perform Morse code with the blinds on my windows.

96.I shall not try to pet a wild bird… they may bite you.

97.I shall not walk into trees, and stumble backwards, therefore producing a massive red bruise smack bang in the middle of my forehead. I tend to start to think wacky… and on that note, I shall not walk into only trees, but brick walls too!

98.I shall not attempt to choke on my rubber to get out of class.

99.If I do happen to try this, I shall make sure not to get caught by the teacher.

100.I shall not throw deathly hair clips at my friend across the table, especially when the friend unexpectedly ducks, dodging the object of doom and sending me and my bestie into fits of laughter on the floor.

101.And I shall not ONLY disregard the list on special occasions, but ALSO ignore it FULL STOP! Because it is MUCH more fun to go against it!

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Hey everyone! I wrote this during the time I was MEANT to be studying my exams! So feel vwery special D

Lol, and I still AM technically meant to be studying for exams as they have only just started but I wanted to update for y’all XD

This IS based on my life, things I have done and what’s happened, so all of these things have happened to me more or less :D

Haha I hope you enjoy it! Please review! Oh and tell me which was your favourite if ya like P

RL