The Nephilim

Excerpt 6

“This wouldn’t be happening if you’d taken up my offer.”

I opened my eyes. Cyneric was gone. In his place stood a being of radiant beauty, undeniably male, but perfectly female all the same.

I smiled bitterly up at him. “I’m joining you now. Isn’t that enough?”

“You’re such a fool,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Always, always the fool.”

“You knew I wouldn’t join you when you offered!” I snarled, only kept from attacking him by the pain my stupid body was in. “You knew I hated the idea. I hate it still.”

“Is that why you’re fighting this?” he asked. “Is that why you refuse to accept that this is what you must become?”

My mouth twisted into a smirk. “I will fight until I draw my last breath. Then I will be born again and live the life I was supposed to have, free of you and the others! Free of everything I left behind!”

“Do you not care that you are killing the personality of this lifetime?” he murmured. His golden eyes shimmered with tears.

“A personality that only exists because I allowed it!” I snarled back.

He sighed and reached a hand down to brush the hair from my eyes. “Your time in Hell has killed who you once were. Do you not remember, Azazel? You were so gentle once. I almost thought you would back out more than once.”

I was silent for a while. I finally said quietly, truthfully, “I died so I could get that back.”

“Well you’re not doing a very good job of it!” he snapped. His eyes widened in shock and he looked away. “Forgive me. I did not mean to be harsh.”

“What would you have me do, Semyaza?” I asked quietly. I reached up to grab his hand, despite the pain. “What would you have me do, my teacher? You know as well as I that if I allow this, I could be lost forever. The personality of this life could destroy me, overwrite me.”

“Never,” he said. He knelt down beside the bed and took me face in his hands. “Never. You will never be destroyed. Neither of us would allow it.”

I smiled. “You’re right about that.”

“I want you by my side again,” he went on. “You, my most trusted friend. I have missed you. We accomplished so much in the old city, Azazel. We can accomplish so much more now. We won’t make the same mistakes again.”

“You won’t have me by your side,” I said bitterly. “You’ll have Hamal. We are not the same.”

“Clearly, I will still be able to speak with you,” Semyaza said patiently, his free hand gesturing absently. “And I do not think you and Hamal are quite as different as you think.”

“We’re nothing alike!”

He shook his head with a faint smile. Then he looked seriously at me again. “I would have you allow this, my friend. I would have you, as Hamal or as you, by my side again.”

“I hate it,” I whispered. “I hated it then, and I hate it still. We were angels. No matter how we defied the gods, killing was still a sin.”

“I am an angel no longer,” Semyaza said firmly. “And neither are you.”