Chapter 13

I’ll Be

I stacked another straw on top of the massive pile I had built, and the whole pile collapsed. I groaned and put my head on Paul’s broad shoulder. “I’m bored,” I whined. Another Monday morning; it was torture.

Paul patted my head gently. “You’re always bored,” he commented. “And hungry,” he added jokingly.

That got a laugh out of me. “I’m hungry right now!” I exclaimed. The smell of butter wasn’t helping either. “And I feel like shit.”

He rose an eyebrow. “Why? Your new boyfriend?” he questioned. “Tell him your friends with an ex-soldier,” he encouraged with a grin. “That’ll scare him!”

Shaking my head, I laughed. “Nick’s not my boyfriend and I’m not even talking about him.”

Before I could spill out the whole Tony situation to my love guru, I spotted Nick approaching the counter.

Nick smiled gorgeously as usual, but even that couldn’t make me feel any better than how I was feeling now. “Hey beautiful,” he greeted with a wink.

“Hey,” I greeted back, smiling weakly.

“Where’d you go at the party?” he questioned casually. “I didn’t see you the rest of the night.”

I shrugged. “I’m sorry,” I apologized. God, it was so rude of me to just leave him. “I just had a headache,” I explained. “I should’ve told you.” Leave it up to Tony to ruin everything.

He shook his head. “No, it’s cool,” he assured me. “I just thought you were pissed at me or something.”

“Why would I be pissed at you?” I asked, puzzled. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Adrienn…she’s just a friend of mine,” he said quickly. “I had a thing with her before, but it’s nothing now,” he explained.

I shook my head. “Oh, no!” I exclaimed. “It’s cool with me,” I assured him. “I mean, we’re friends,” I shrugged. We’re casual.

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, friends…”

There was a slight pause.

“Listen, I know you have this whole set view of me, but I’m not the guy you think I am,” he explained. “I mean,” he added quickly, “I don’t bone every girl people see me with.”

I looked at him, still puzzled. “Uhm, okay,” I muttered, not knowing what else to say.

He sighed and leaned on the counter. “I just…” his expression grew soft, “you’re a really cool girl, Nessa,” he said with a breathtaking grin. The sentence itself was breathtaking, but his smile was…wow. “And I like you,” he admitted.

That statement made me smile. It was simple and very elementary school-like. It was adorable.

“I like you, too,” I said with a smile. It would still be casual if I just gave him a small kiss, right?

I leaned over the counter and lightly pecked Nick’s soft lips. I had to bite my lip when we disengaged just to keep myself from kissing him again; he was a good kisser.

“Crap,” I muttered, slapping on the hood of my thin cardigan as I stepped outside, exposing myself to the rain. Well, there goes the Giants game. I started to wonder when they were going to schedule the double header now that they were probably going to cancel the game due to the rain.

When I was thinking up dates in my head a brown umbrella suddenly went above me, sheltering me from the evil drops of water that frizzed my hair.

I looked up to see James and smile immediately lit up my face. “Hey J. Rich,” I greeted with a smile.

“Hey N. Cruz,” James greeted back. He gingerly grabbed a piece of my black and white scarf and chuckled. “Nice one,” he complimented.

He was wearing a similar scarf around his neck. I giggled and touched his scarf. It was a lot softer than the one I was wearing. “Same to you."

A small chuckle escaped from his full lips.

I looked over at the binder he was carrying. On the front of the black binder was a paper. I'll be your crying shoulder was all I could distinguish. “I’ll be your crying shoulder?” I read out loud questionably.

His expression looked puzzled for a second, but then looked down at his binder. “Oh, it’s lyrics from a song,” he explained. “I’m planning to sing it for my next performance.”

I nodded my head. “Oh, that’s cool.”

"So where you headed, anyway?” he asked as the light turned green.

“Home,” I replied as we both crossed the street. “What about you?”

“Yeah, I’m heading home, too. Turn on the heater, make some hot cocoa, watch some movies…”

“Mmm, sounds good,” I commented, feeling warm just thinking about it.

“You could join me if you want,” he suggested casually. “It’s not really fun if there’s nobody there.”

“Hmm,” I said in thought. “Well, I was planning on watching the baseball game on TV, but it looks like that won’t happen soon,” I chuckled as I pointedly looked up at the gray clouds that poured droplets of water down on the both of us. “Are there marshmallows?”

“Yup,” he answered.

“I’m in then!”

---

“Thank you,” I said quietly as James handed me a big mug of hot cocoa with marshmallows—a lot of marshmallows.

James sat down on the soft, dark green loveseat and I took the seat next to him as I let out a sigh. “You have a nice house,” I complimented, looking around. This room was very homely and comfortable. Not to mention warm.

“Thanks,” James said, carefully sipping his drink.

I looked down and saw James’s statistics book sprawled out on the coffee table. “I see you were doing your homework last night like a good boy,” I teased jokingly.

He laughed. “Yeah. So what were you doing last night?”

“I was at a party,” I replied. “It sort of sucked.”

“Why?” he asked curiously. “Not really into parties?”

I sighed softly and took another sip before answering. “I ran into my ex there and he said a few jerky things,” I explained, not looking at James for his reaction.

When I finally did look up, his expression was perfectly smooth and thoughtful. “Ever have any problems with your old girlfriends?” I asked, wanting to fill the silence in the air.

He shrugged. “Not really.”

“So what happened with you and your last girlfriend?” I asked. “Girl must be crazy to let you go,” I added with a smile.

James looked at me with light eyes and smiled. “Me and her…” he started, staring off into nothing. “We started off as friends, really,” he said. “Really good friends, actually. And I guess something just went wrong along the way and she broke up with me,” he explained. “I haven’t spoken to her since.”

I nodded with a frown. “I know how that feels, man. That’s exactly how it was with me and Tony,” I said. “We started off as best friends,” I explained, remembering all the basketball games we used to have during lunchtime. “It took us a long time to finally get together.”

“Really? Why?”

I shifted on the loveseat. “I was afraid,” I admitted in a quiet tone. “I didn’t want to screw up our friendship. We took that risk anyway and apparently to him, I was a mistake,” I choked out, Tony’s words still echoing in my head. “He said we shouldn’t have gone into a relationship.” I shook my head, those words still hurting as much as it did the first time around. “And it just sucks because that’s not how I felt.”

I could feel my eyes starting to burn just thinking about it, but I tried to not let gravity take my tears. I hated crying over Tony. It made me feel weak, helpless, defeated. I hated feeling like that.

“And now you miss him? You miss being with him?” he assumed in a low tone.

I bit my lip and shook my head. “I mean, I don’t regret going into a relationship with him at all. Even if he does, I still miss being his friend.”

“That’s how it was for me. Me and Leah as friends was amazing, but when we got into a relationship it was even better.”

I glanced over at him. “Then do you regret going into a relationship because it screwed up your friendship?”

He shook his head. “No,” he answered, his green eyes piercing.

“Then why does Tony regret it? What’s wrong with me?”

Sensing me on the verge of tears, James put his arm around me, pulling me closer to him, closer to comfort. “Nessa,” he said my name softly, taking my face into his hands. “You’re amazing,” he simply said in almost a whisper. His green eyes were intense, pulling me in. “And if Tony—or anyone—can’t see that, then he doesn’t deserve you.”

He flashed a comforting smile.

I nodded, giving him a smile back. “Thanks James,” I said softly. “You’re sweet.” I lightly kissed him on the cheek, inhaling his sweet scent.

He smiled wider, his green eyes still having that hypnotizing effect on me. “I’ll be your crying shoulder…”he began to sing jokingly in a soft, quiet voice that was like a lullaby in my ear.

I laughed lightly. James always did things to make me smile.

I laid my head on his shoulder and drifted off to sleep listening to his voice and the raindrops that dripped rhythmically against the window.

I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
-I’ll Be by Edwin McCain

A/N: Review, please :) Thanks for everybody who has been reviewing.

Which one of the guys do you think is least suitable for Nessa?