The house around me was quiet, sleeping. Four-in-the-morning. Everyone else had passed out hours ago, falling asleep on the couch, on the floor, in front of the door. How anyone could sleep through the storm outside—the howling wind and blowing snow slamming against the window—I wasn't sure. But I was the only one awake, sitting against the cupboard. The kitchen was dark, and my head was still spinning with whiskey and cheap wine. I thought of the boy upstairs, curled up on my bed, passing out hours ago. He had slept there while I lay awake, trying to figure out the thoughts in my head. I wanted to believe that he was the right guy, the safe bet. He liked me, and he was sweet. He would keep me safe. So why was it that I was sitting here, alone in the dark kitchen, instead of up there with him.

And then my reason walked into the kitchen.

"You're awake?"

Mavis popped his head in through the doorway, appearing out of no where. I hated that he was just always there, right when I needed him, and I hated that I liked it. It was as though whenever he came around, all my problems disappeared. But the truth was, he was the problem. The way he made me feel was a problem. The way I caught him looking at me, and the way it changed everything, flipping the thoughts in my head around. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep." I explained as he stepped towards me. He was still carrying around the whiskey from earlier., As he flopped down beside me, I found myself having to concentrate on breathing. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be and I knew that. Thoughts swirled in my head, and guilt rose, resting with a lump in my throat. I wasn't a good person, and I knew it. Good girls didn't think about other girls boyfriends like this.

"What are you thinking about?" Mavis sipped from the bottle.

There was no way I'd ever be able to tell him, no matter how much I wanted to. Grabbing the whiskey from his hand I took a large gulp, loving the way it burned as it slid down my throat, "nothing. Nothing at all."

"I don't believe you. Why else would you be awake?

I met his gaze. He had the kind of eyes you could get lost in for hours without even realizing. The whiskey blurred the edges of the world. I needed to be careful, I needed to be very careful. "Why are you awake?"

"I don't know." He answered, sipping from the whiskey. "Couldn't sleep."

With a turn of my body, I fell back against the cupboard, letting out a smile and instantly taking it back, knowing that I shouldn't be smiling, not know. Grabbing the bottle again, I downed it. If I couldn't make sense of my thoughts, I could be drunk. I could see the moment like I was standing outside of my body—me on one side, Mavis on the other, the bottle between us. It was what kept the distance between us, what kept me from reaching out to him. Neither of us were in the right state of mind for this, and I knew that if I got close enough, there would be no holding back my true confessions.

Slipping down, I rested on the floor, staring up towards the ceiling. Mavis met me there, resting his head beside my own. He was so close that I could feel his breath on my cheek. I stared into his eyes, and the world just seemed to fade into the background. If I sat there long enough, maybe everything else would have disappeared. Maybe it would be just him and I, alone. This was how it should have been from the beginning; there shouldn't have been those people in between. We belonged to each other, we had always belonged to each other.

But that was then. This was now. And if I didn't pull away then I was going to kiss him, and ruin both our lives, not to mention our friendship. No matter how right it felt, I knew that it couldn't be. I was moving to stand before I even realized it, stumbling forward. I'd been sitting there a while, and the liquor hit me all at once, spinning the world around me. The world seemed upside down, everything skewed. I couldn't see up from down, right from wrong.

I felt a hand on my arm.

"Where are you going?" Mavis was right there, standing there, towering over me. The touch of his fingers tips on my bare skin felt too good, and I felt too guilty for admitting it, even silently.

"This is bad." I said, stumbling back slightly, "this is very bad."

"What is bad?" He wasn't letting go.

I fell into him then, wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him hard. I knew if I stood there with him long enough, it would happen. The kiss was sloppy, and his lips tasted of whiskey. I waited for him to pull away, but his arms wrapped around me, pulling me in closer. In the morning, we would regret this moment, and I knew it. But right now, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. It was just the two of us, and the blowing snow. He ran his fingers through my hair, and I traced my fingers across his cheek. I had been waiting for this moment longer than I could remember, and it was everything I wanted. He was everything I wanted, even for a night.

"What are we doing?" He whispered between whiskey kisses.

I pressed myself into him, "I don't know."

We found ourselves on the floor of my dining room, wrapped in each others arms. I could hear the sounds of sleep, and knew at any moment, we could get caught. The world was spinning, and he kissed me like I was the girl he loved. I kissed him, pretending to believe it was true. His hands made my skin tingle, and I kept my legs wrapped around him, keeping him close. In the morning things would go back to normal, or things would be changed forever. I had no way of knowing, but it didn't seem to matter. There would be no going back from this, no way to change what I had done. A kiss was kiss, and I knew there was no forgetting it.

"We're friends, right?" His lips were at my ear, and it sent shivers down my spine the way he lightly brushed his lips against my neck.

"Friends," I agreed, holding him close. It was all we were allowed to be.