Chapter 4: It's Part of the Tactic!

I still haven't told Adrian. I'm thinking I'll try and make him get caught in the act! That sounds like a fabulous idea! I don't understand why I didn't think of it sooner. But that means I'll have to make it seem like I'm interested in him. Great, now I'm turning into another Dakota! But who cares?! This will teach him a lesson.

"I don't know the answer to this fucking question!" Dakota's sudden appearance out of nowhere almost gave me a heart attack! The bastard!

"Sure, that's why you are one of three who are actually passing this class with an A."

"That's only 'cause I copied you . . ."

What the hell?! "But you sit like . . . two rows away from me, how could you copy me?!"

He shrugged, "I took your papers out of the basket after you turned them in. Don't you ever see me?"

Come to think of it . . . no, I've never seen him do that. I'm not even that mad, it's just kind of . . . what the hell? "Err, okay then." I tried returning back to my work, but it was kind of hard with him all up in my space. Not that I particularly cared-- No! It is uncomfortable!

"Are you going to stand there all day?" I asked.

"No, move over!"

Oh sure, don't even ask me! Just forcibly move me over and invite yourself to sit on my chair! And there is not enough room for both of us. My ass was here first!

"Uh, do you mind?" But he completely ignored me and copied down my answer.

"Is that a one or a seven?"

"One . . ." I mumbled. I could just tell him to fuck off, but he might take that the wrong way. He'd just tell me a time and a place so he could have his way with me. Again, my mind is not in the gutter. It's not even near the gutter. I'm just stating what would go through Dakota's mind.

"Hurry up and do the rest so I can copy!" Dakota nudged me.

"I don't feel like it now!" Because you know, it's kind of hard to concentrate with him being this close to me. My ass feels violated.

"Come on! We gotta pass!" he said, ruffling my amazing hair. I would have bitched him out, but I decided not to.

"We?!" I said, combing my fingers through my hair.

"Yes! You're our only hope between passing and failing!"

I shrugged, "I'm sure one assignment won't make a difference. Mr. Fatass over there is too busy stuffing his face with doughnuts and looking up gay porn to notice . . ." I said, nodding in our teacher's direction.

Apparently, Dakota found that to be the most hilrarious thing in the world. He just started laughing his ass off.

"It wasn't that funny! Call down!" I was only stating the truth! I'm surprised Mr. Reymond a.k.a. Mr. Fatass, wasn't fired yet. He spent more than half the period on his computer that is suspiciously facing away from the class. He also has way too many boxes of tissue and lotion on his desk. I was suddenly frightened.

"That must be why he lets us out early! Doesn't he have a free period after this?" Dakota asked, obviously not caring if Mr. Reymond heard him.

"Oh God . . . I don't want to think about it." The sudden image of Mr. Fatass whacking off creeped its way into my mind! Oh my God, it BURNS!

"It must be nice . . . getting paid to sit on his fatass and do nothing" I said. It wasn't to anyone in particular, I was just voicing a thought.

"That's why you're our only hope between passing and failing! I learn nothing from him! So do our work!"

What the hell?! What am I, his bitch?! "You can't tell me what to do!" Yeah! Because I'm my own bitch!

"I'll lick you again if you don't."

What difference did it make? He'd do that just for the hell of it! "You would do that anyway . . ."

He nodded, "yeah that's true." He grabbed my hand and placed my pencil in it. It was the wrong hand too! I am not left handed!

"Now do the work so I can get an A!"

I rolled my eyes. "We already have an A."

"I want an A plus!" Dakota yelled, which really wasn't necessary since my ear is like two inches from his mouth. Then he pinched my cheek. It kind of hurt.

"Kyle, Dakota! Stop flirting and start working!" said fatass. His voice was all husky and he sounded out of breath. Ew.

And we weren't even flirting!

"Oh, sorry Mr. Reymond. I was just telling Kyle to meet me in the bathroom after 3rd period so we can have hot-wild-gay-sex."

WHAT THE HELL?! He said that so casually! I could feel my face heat up and I refused to look up from my paper. I heard some disgusted comments from some other guys, and some girls were giggling like the little perverted bitches they are. Mr. Fatass was just stuttering like an idiot and finally managed to tell us to get back to work.

Dakota wrapped his arm around my neck and his breath was all up on my ear! It felt strangely nice . . .

"You should have seen his face!" he said.

"So now he thinks we're gay for each other. Thanks a lot, Dakota."

"Don't mention it babe."

And then he nibbles my ear! Right there in the middle of the class where anyone can see! I let out a surprised yelp and fell on the floor, right on my ass! Suddenly I found it more comfortable down here.

"How are you supposed to do our work from down there, schnookums?"

So now he's giving me pet names? Well two can play that game! "Why don't you come down here, pookie-bear?" Okay, I feel extremely gay right now. But it's just a tactic! A tactic to reveal his true gayness! He seemed a bit surprised by my gaytastic pet name. Hell, I even surprised myself! I just risked being mistaken for a homo!

"Uh . . . okay . . ."

Ha! He's so stunned he couldn't make a Dakota-like remark. He brought our work with him and sat down next to me. On the floor that's probably infested with microscopic butt-bugs! Ew! I shouldn't think of things like that!

I scooted all extra close to him and I could tell he was getting rather confused. I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling. It's so fun reversing the roles on him! Now he knows how I feel when he's all flirty with me! It's a matter of time before I'm raped though.

I took the pencil out of his hand purposely slowly and looked at my work. I "absent-mindedly" started sucking on the pencil, and I could feel him staring.

I don't know why I'm doing this! He's probably having disgusting thoughts right now. Remember! It's part of the tactic!

I scribbled down an answer, not completely sure if it was right, and then I tossed it over to him. "Here you go." I shoved my saliva-covered pencil in his hand, and he just stared down at it like he didn't know what it was for.

"It's a pencil. You use it to write things," I said, giving his knee a good rub. He he.

He tensed a bit, so I removed my hand. It was kind of fun making him feel uncomfortable.

"I know that! I'm not that stupid!" Dakota said, getting all defensive. Then he gave me a curious look that even I will admit, was quite adorable. That's totally not a gay thing to say. "Is uh . . . everything okay with you?! You're acting . . . weird," he said.

"Yeah, everything's fine! You better hurry and copy that before Mr. Fatass sees!" I peered over the desk just to make sure the fatso wasn't looking at us. He'd probably think we were screwing each other right here on the classroom floor! Ew . . . it sounds like some kind of porno! Okay, now I'll admit my mind is near the gutter. Bad mind! Bad!

"Why are you letting me copy this?! You weren't like this a few minutes ago . . ." Dakota said as I sat back down.

"What, is it bad that I want you to succeed in life?" I asked, grasping his hand for dramatic effect.

"Uh . . ."

That was all he had time to say before some annoying little prick had to shout unnecessary things.

"Hey, stop being fags!" the bitch yelled.

I glared at him but he was already talking to some chick who happened to be one of the giggling perverts from earlier. He needs to mind his own damn business! Wait! He's a witness to Dakota acting fagish! Maybe it will spread around soon.

As if the world doesn't already know he's gay! Seriously, I think it's pretty obvious. So why would he try to hide it? There's so many people that would be happy, especially all those girls who for some reason love gay boys.

Anyway, he is taking too damn long writing down my answers. Maybe he just writes unbelievably slow. Wait-- what the?!

"What the hell is that?!" I asked, staring at the strange picture he bagan to draw on my paper. If he wanted to draw creepy pictures, why not use his own paper?!

"A boy and his Alien lover," Dakota simply stated.

I watched, sligtly uncomfortably as he continued with his weird ass picture. The . . . thing looked like one of those Aliens from Alien vs. Predator! I can't even see its eyes! Where are they?! And why does its tail look like a spine?!

And . . . the boy strangely resembles me. That is disgusting! How dare he incorporate me with his sick, twisted fantasies! I would never make out with an Alien! Although, its tongue looks like it could do wonderful things.

No! His sickness must be contagious! But his art skills are kick-ass . . . meh! He's still nasty.

"You do know that's my paper you're drawing that highly disturbing picture on, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, durr! It's for you!" he said, handing it back to me.

"Oh, uh . . ." I looked down at it. It was pretty good! It's worth framing! "It's mega-sexy."

He giggled and it was . . . kind of cute actually. "Yeah, thanks, I know!"

Oh whatever, you talented bitch. "I'm sure Mr. Reymond will get off on it," oh my God! Why do I say such horrid things?!

"Eww, I don't want Reymond juice on my beautiful picture!" That actually made me laugh! But it was only a small chuckle, I'm too cool to laugh like an idiot.

"Then we can just go like this," I folded it in half, then as best as I could, ripped the bottom half off. "Now he won't be able to see the hot Alien sexiness." Oh yeah, I am so brilliant!

"Yay!" Dakota yelled, quite childishly. Then he had to go and pop my personal space bubble and wrap his arms around my neck. Because I don't need my wind pipes to breathe at all.

"Too much love!" I gasped out, probably overly dramatic, but I don't fucking care! I like oxygen.

"Okay everyone, the bell rings in 5 minutes so . . . get the hell out" Mr. Reymond said. It's not like I'm complaining or anything, but we have an idea of what happens behind closed doors when he tells us to leave! We all gathered our stuff and slowly made our way to the door. I hate slow-ass people walking in front of me! I feel like moshing my way out! We passed by Mr. Reymond's disgustingly messy desk. Dakota mumbled an "eww" and I actually had to hold back laughter! What's with him today? He's not supposed to be funny. He's Chester the Molester! I'm starting to get suspicious . . . he hasn't tried any sexual moves yet!

Not that I want him to . . . I don't want that at all. . . .

I don't know if I should find this embarrassing or funny. My best friend in the world, Carlon, plays the trumpet?! It's so weird! He's such an emo kid too! The kind of kid you would expect to carry a guitar around and play it during lunch. Instead, he carries around a trumpet. He's playing it right now . . . and people are staring. It's not like he's bad or anything, he's quite good. What the hell?! Why do I know all these talented bitches?!

"I've known you for five years, I never knew you played the trumpet . . ." I said, once he stopped playing.

Carlon shrugged, "I guess I never thought about bringing it up." He shook his multi-colored hair out of his face.

"So uh . . . why the trumpet?" I asked. I really wanted to know! If I could play any instrument, I wouldn't think, 'Oh my God! I want to play the trumpet!' I'd want to play the piano or the violin. Shut up! Guitars are overrated! Well, maybe not but . . . whatever!

Carlon shrugged again, "I don't know. I think it's the sexiest instrument in the world! It's like . . . I'm giving someone a blow job or something!"

Yeah, that wasn't gay at all. "Uh . . . wow, I never thought of it that way . . ." thanks for the nightmares.

"Yeah, it's my way of practicing if that ever happens," and then he licks the mouthpiece all sexually. I just stared blankly, not really knowing what to say. But I think he should stop or there is going to be an unwanted problem . . .

"I practice on bananas too!" Why is he so open with me?! I really didn't want to know that.

"You can practice on my banana."

Who the hell?! I turned around to see the sick fuck who said that. I don't even know who the guy is, but he's standing there, sucking on a lollipop in a way that . . . normal people wouldn't. His eyes were thickly rimmed with eyeliner and his eyelashes were obviously fake, seeing as they were freakishly long. Not that he looks bad, he looks very nice actually. Better than most girls if I do say so myself. But who cares?! He just told my best friend to do sexual activities with him!

"And you are?" I asked.

"Oli, and I think trumpeters are incredibly sexy." Then he prances over to Carlon and I stand there, in slight disbelief.

"I told you trumpets were sexy!"

Wow . . . I was completely unaware of how many gay guys there were at this school. I thought Dakota was the only one. Now there's this guy and my friend just may have turned gay overnight.

"So . . . what do these things do?" Oli asked, gingerly touching Carlon's supposed sexy instrument.

Even I knew those were the things you pressed down to get different notes! Or, something like that. But whatever! This Oli guy is just trying to get to know my best friend! I eyed him suspiciously as Carlon proceeded to explain all the different parts of his beloved trumpet. I honestly don't think the manwhore cares. He's only interested because he thinks that Carlon will "practice on his banana." Which is the nastiest thing I've heard all day. Well, maybe slightly less nasty than Mr. Fatass whacking off, but it's pretty close.

"That is very interesting. So how long have you been playing?" Oli asked.

Stop pretending to be interested you prick!

Carlon smiled, obviously liking the attention he was getting from this older boy. "Only three years."

"No way! You're too good to have only been playing for three years! I don't believe you!"

Man, he sure is good at pretending. He's even flattering me and I'm not the one who plays the instrument!

"Seriously! And I'm self-taught."

"Oh my God! That's amazing! So what's your name?"

"Carlon."

Now I'm having a difficult time telling if he's pretending or not. It is amazing that Carlon is self-taught though. Maybe I'll let my guard down just this once! But if he tries anything I will kick his feminine ass!

"You should call me sometime!" Oli digged through his messenger back and pulled out a sparkley gel pen. Wow, I didn't know they still made those.

He wrote down his number on Carlon's hand. "Maybe you can teach me how to play it."

Is Carlon actually blushing?! "Y-yeah! That sounds cool!" He's stuttering! That's kind of cute.

"See ya around!" And oh my God he's walking away with Dakota! I should have known that weirdo was somehow associated with him!

We sat there in silence . . . or, as silent as a noisy cafeteria could get.

"Are you gay?!" I asked Carlon. Was that too much to the point? I don't care. I want answers.

"Wh-what?! No! I . . . I'm bisexual!" I sense lies!

"You know, it's okay if you are. I have nothing against gays."

Which is the truth. Unless, you know, they have wandering hands that tend to grope your ass.

"W-well, I'm not!"

mmhmm, keep telling yourself that.

We know the truth. You can't deny the truth!

So I was sitting on the couch, minding my own business and wishing they would make new episodes of Drake and Josh when Adrian comes in and changes the channel.

"I was watching something, bitch" I said. Oh well, Zoey 101 gets kind of annoying anway.

"I don't give a flying fuck, baby brother. Tonight I am watching a movie with Dakota. You're welcomed to join us."

Well, it's not like I have anything better to do. This would be my chance to get him caught in his gay ways! I would just have to subtly flirt with him . . .

"Whatever . . ." I said, seemingly uninterested.

It turned out we were going to watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Not the newer ones, the first one from 1974. I have to say, for a movie from the 70's it is pretty gorey. And not the cheesey kind of gore I was expecting.

"Jeeeerrryyy!!" the blonde in the movie yelled.

"Bitch, he's dead! He's not going to hear you!" Adrian yelled at the screen.

"Uh, she won't hear you either, so it's pointless to yell things!" I said. That's the thing about watching horror movies with Adrian. She always has to yell at the people for doing stupid stuff. Even in the theaters. It's quite embarrassing.

"Well I can't help it! And it's fun yelling at the people, you should try it!"

"No, I'm good . . ." I said, trying to get my attention back on the movie.

So the blonde and her brother who is in a wheelchair were looking for Jerry. In the dark. In the middle of the woods. That's a bad idea. A very, very bad idea! Why did Jerry have to take the keys to the van with him and then go and die?! I'd be pissed.

Oh, what do you know?! Leatherface popped out of the darkness and shoved the chainsaw through the brother's chest. Didn't see that coming at all.

"Ooh! You should have stayed at the van, huh Franklin?!" Dakota yelled. Great, having to sit with two people who yell at the screen is worse than hearing one person do it.

"Yeah, he definately should have stayed at the van! Then he wouldn't be dead right now!" Adrian added.

"Sorry to say, but it would have happened sooner or later. I don't think a guy in a wheelchair has much of a chance against Leatherface anyway" I said.

"Yeah, but if he stayed at the van, they wouldn't have to try to get out of the woods! It'd be easier to push the wheelchair!" Adrian said.

"NO! Don't go to that house! That's his house!" Dakota shouted.

"OH MY GOD! HOW STUPID CAN SHE GET?!"

Actually, if I was being chased by a chainsaw-wielding lunatic, I'd go to the first house I saw. I wouldn't be concerned if it was his house or not. And what the?! Is Dakota playing footsie with me?!

Of course Adrian wasn't paying attention. She's too into the movie to notice anything!

I hesitantly footsied him back. I feel like such a whore! I don't know why, since it's just playing footsie, but this is my sister's boyfriend! And only whores flirt and/or mess around with other people's boyfriends.

Maybe I should stop. He might think I enjoy flirting with him.

Which I don't.

I couldn't help but feel a bit disturbed at the end of this movie. Was that blonde chick laughing or crying in the back of the truck?! I'm going to go with laughing.

"Let's see what's on TV!" Adrian said, excitedly changing the channel to this retarded show on MTV. What happened to just playing music videos? That's the whole point of the "M"!

We all sat there, silently watching the show. It was that one show called "Parental Control." It's so fake it's not even funny. But what made it kind of awkward was that it was for this guy whose parent's wanted a new boyfriend for him.

"Okay this is so fake! Why do you like this shit?!" I asked.

"Because it is hilarious!" Adrian said, crawling off the couch and up closer to the screen.

How am I supposed to make him get caught in the act when she is facing away from us?! This is going to be harder than I thought.

"Well, this is lame. I'm leaving. Later." So I got up and left them alone to watch the dumb show by themselves. I guess I'll have to expose Dakota's gayness some other time.

You want to know what's really lame?! Not succeeding in my reveal-Dakota-is-gay plan! I wanted to expose him today! But I didn't feel like going back downstairs and trying again tonight. It was getting late anyway, so I would have to wait until tomorrow. He'd most likely be coming back here after school. He always does!

I lathered my hands in soap and ran them under the water. It smelled fantastic! It must be new! My hands feel so soft!

That wasn't me being gay, that was just my metro side showing. What's wrong with liking Lavender soap?!

I opened the bathroom door and walked exactly thirteen steps back to my room. I didn't expect someone to be there . . .

"What the hell are you doing in here?!" I asked Dakota.

He was just sitting there . . . on my bed.

"I'm bored. Adrian fell asleep, and I don't want to go home yet," he said.

"She always falls asleep!"

Let the awkward silence begin. Why did he think I cared if he was bored?! He can go be bored at his own damn house! And sit on his own damn bed! I just want to go to sleep!

"So yeah . . . you're just going to have to go home. I don't feel like entertaining you right now!" Oh wait, he might twist that into something it isn't! Blah, I'm too tired to care at the moment.

"There's plenty of things you could do that would entertain me," Dakota said, all suggestive and whatnot.

“Yeah, okay. Well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” So hurry up and get your hot-gay-ass off my bed. I didn’t mean that, it’s the lack of sleep talking.

I was surprised when he actually stood. I didn’t think he’d leave so easily. I was expecting him to say some other suggestive thing or even-- whoa, back the hell up, mister!

“Uh, what are you doing?!” I asked him. I don’t understand! What does he want from me?! I didn’t eat any ice cream today, why is he so close?! I backed away, but too bad there was a wall. How inconvenient! I’m going to kill whoever put this wall here!

“Urm . . .” I muttered. I had nothing else to say, not even a “get the hell away”, nothing! He wasn’t saying anything either! He was just getting closer, and closer . . . oh God, is he going to try and kiss me?!

This was not part of the tactic.

A/N: I’m sorry for the long wait. Please don’t kill me! I’ve been so busy with school! But on Thursday I’m out! So I should have more time for updating! And it shouldn’t take months!

Oh! And everyone! Could you please, please, please read and review Dust Mowt’s stories?! Especially Sleeping Cooties. It isn’t getting the reviews it deserves! It’s very entertaining, so please give it a read!