Author: Meisha Nicole PM
Some things are better left forgotten.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Drama - Words: 2,239 - Published: 11-13-07 - Status: Complete - id: 2437876
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I think I literally heard my mind 'snap' that night. It was like my mind was a twig and someone had just stepped on it, rendering it useless forever. When I think about it I realize it sounds rather humorous. My mind is like a twig and it broke? Hah. It makes you want to laugh. I /want/ to laugh! However, I think I might refrain from laughing at the moment. Those strange men in white have just come through the door. They're usually very strict and I fear if I start laughing they might take it as some sort of threat and try to subdue me with those ropes and needles. They're still here. I don't know why they're still here. I've kept quiet and pressed myself up against the wall so I could appear invisible. Maybe it's working. Yes, that has to be it. They probably have trouble seeing me and that's why they haven't done anything. I hear footsteps and when I look up I see one of them coming towards me. Damn it. It looks like my hiding place wasn't that good after all.
"Get up, girl. You have a visitor," one of the men in white gruffly say to me as they yank me to feet and suddenly I understand why they have come into my room. It must be that woman who came to see me. She visits me every week. I don't really know who she is. She does look familiar but every time I try to remember her I feel a headache start to come on and I quickly stop trying to think of her. I... don't remember her name. She gives it to me every week but it never stays in my mind. I usually just like to call her pretty lady which is a very fitting name for her. She's petite with long dark red hair usually pulled back and big green eyes. I like her eyes. If I could I'd stare at them all day but if I stare too long at them she starts to get uncomfortable and leaves. I don't want her to leave. I'm always so lonely around here. She's the only one who visits me and I've tried to refrain from staring because I need her visits. They make me feel like I have a friend and I'm not lonely like everyone else around here. I wish I could remember her. I see her face fall everytime she visits me after I ask for her name which I can never seem to remember. Everything that happened before that night- the night the twig broke is a blur to me. I don't remember my childhood, school, parents, or anything. She tells me that I did have parents once. They died or something like that. I can't remember what she told me.
The men in white sit me down after a short walk down the hall. The room is the visiting room and I don't have to wait long for the red haired woman to come in. She's wearing just jeans and a t-shirt today. It looked like she hadn't put much effort into her appearance today. I wonder why? Usually she makes an effort. I wonder what's bothering her. She smiles sadly when she sees me and I smile back. It's a rather confused smile but it's only because I'm trying to remember her name before- Linda! That's her name! "Hi Linda," I say excitedly before she even has a chance to sit down and I can tell she's surprised that I actually managed to remember her name or maybe she's only surprised because the first time I do address her as something other than pretty lady it's wrong. "Linda is your name, right?" I ask hesitantly, blinking when the surprise leaves her face and it's replaced by a look of frustration or something along those lines.
"Yes, you got it right," she told me softly.
She always speaks in that soft tone. In the year and a half I've been here (I think it's been that long) she's never raised her voice and I'm pretty sure I could just listen to her speak for hours and hours.
I think that was my name. It really was a terrible name too. Why would my parents name me something so horrible? Ugh. I really wish I knew what they had been thinking. "Yes?"
"This will be the last time I come here. I just can't deal with this anymore. I know I said I'd love you no matter what but it's been over a year and you still don't remember who I am or anything for that matter."
She started babbling on about how the doctors told her it was only a temporary thing and now they had no idea how long it would last. I didn't understand anything she was saying but I did understand that she said she wasn't going to see me anymore and it made me stare at her with wide eyes. Why would she say such a thing? I need- no- I /craved/ her visits. They were the only thing that kept me sane in this damn place. "I don't want you to stop coming, though."
"Henrietta, I'm sorry. I really am. I love you but... that isn't enough anymore," she told me, kissing me on the head before she got up to leave.
Why... was she doing this? I didn't understand. It made no sense. I didn't do anything as she left or as they carried me back to my room. It was like the life had been sucked out of me and once my door was closed and I was under my covers, I started to cry because I just didn't understand why this was happening or why it hurt so damn much.
"Baby, just go okay? I'll be fine."
"Are you sure? I mean you're sick and I really-
"Just go. I'll be fine."
"Okay, but call me on my cell if you need anything, Hen."
I woke up with a start. It hadn't been much of a dream. Just a bunch of voices and blurred faces. I think Linda had been in my dream... and had that been my voice? Scrambling out of bed, I started to pace. I had a headache and this time the pain wasn't going away. I had to talk to Linda. I didn't know how but I needed to talk to her and find out everything. If anyone was going to have all the answers it was going to be Linda. Believe it or not it wasn't difficult to break out of my room. All I had to do was stuff some tissues in the lock when they went to close it and since they failed to check the lock, I got lucky and was able to sneak out later that night.
The hallway was almost pitch black and I stumbled all the way to the nurses desk where I knew a phone was. Swallowing nervously, I picked up the phone and then realized I had no idea what her number was. "567..." I muttered under my breath, dialing the first three numbers before I dialed another four numbers that had just popped up in the back of my mind. I had no idea if this was the correct number or not. I was just going with my damaged memory and after four rings I was about to hang up when the other line picked up.
"Hello? Who is this?"
I was dumbfounded for a moment. How could I remember Linda's number when I, myself, had no idea who she was?
"Hello?" she repeated, muttering something I couldn't understand when I failed to respond and if I didn't say something soon she was going to hang up on me. "Is anyone there?"
I could hear her gasp and mumble something. She didn't respond for quite awhile and I had almost begun to lose hope before she finally spoke to me. "Henrietta, how did you get this number?"
"I... remembered it."
"You remembered it?"
"I looked at the phone and then it popped in the back of my mind," I answered truthfully as I heard her sigh on the other end.
"No... I can't talk to you. This isn't right-"
"Please, don't go! I need to know!" I cried. I was desperate to get rid of that constant ache in the back of my mind. I just couldn't take it anymore! "Please, just tell me what happened before it broke. I need to know and then I promise I'll leave you alone like you wanted," I pleaded. She was silent for some time and I once again started to fear that she would just hang up on me but she didn't- thankfully.
"The doctors said it would be better for you to remember everything on your own and that I tell you as little about your life as possible so there wouldn't be any more trauma," she told me, "but it's not working. It hasn't been working for over a year and a half."
I didn't understand what she was getting at and simply let her continue talking. If it made her feel better then who was I to stop her?
"We are -were- lovers. I told you this a few times before but you never seem to really remember. The doctors say you have a selective memory now."
I think it upset her that I never remembered her name and little things she told me. My memory was all fucked up. Certain things I remembered while other things I didn't. Really, it was a very annoying thing to live with.
"It doesn't matter, though. You... had been sick that night. I had a party to go to and didn't want to leave you alone but being your stubborn self you managed to convince me to leave... and I did. I left you alone, sick and defenseless," Linda whispered, voice cracking and I could tell she was close to crying but I still kept quiet. It... wasn't the right time for me to speak. "While I was out two men broke into the house. I suppose they didn't think anyone was home but there was someone there and when they found you I guess they panicked and decided to take you with them. You were gone for two weeks before they finally found the men who led them to an old building where you were being held..."
Her voice started to become distant as the headache started to get worse, whimpering in pain I dropped the phone, falling to my knees as I buried my head in my hands. Images were flashing in my mind. I could see two men screaming at me. The next image that flashed in my head was one standing over me with a gun as the other ripped off my pants. I couldn't understand any of them and by the time I managed to get some control over my mind, Linda was practically screaming on the phone, demanding to know if I was okay. "I-I'm okay," I managed to force out once I picked up the phone and brought it to my ear.
"God... I knew I shouldn't have told you. The doctors were right," she cried, openly sobbing on the other line.
"Linda... no. It isn't your fault," I whispered, trying to comfort her and it really was a bit backwards since I was the mental patient.
"I meant what I said today, Henrietta. I can't do this anymore-"
"... but you said we were lovers, correct? Don't you love me anymore?"
Whatever she was going to say next was cut off by the nurse unplugging the phone and glaring daggers down at me. After calling for the men in white I was dragged back to my room, the door locked secularly behind them. I would have to wait till tomorrow to find out what Linda was going to say to me- that is if she didn't stay committed to what she told me and really did stay away. For my sake and her sake I hope she didn't because I needed her and was so close to remembering what happened to me. And besides if she really did love me, just like she said she did, she'd come through. People who loved other people always came through for them... at least that was what I assumed.