I sat in detention because of that jerk. It was his entire fault. Why did he have to be so damn arrogant? First he decided to be nice and save me from being hit by a car, then he stole and ate my beloved cheese fries. Then he had the balls to go and shove his tongue down my throat in front of everyone! I’ll admit, though, it was rather nice.

I shook my head. What was I thinking? He was a pervert, nothing more. A sick and twisted pervert who got off seeing me upset.

I crushed yet another pencil in my vice grip, making that a total of twelve (I killed a whole case), shooting daggers at the bastard. He was leaning back in his chair causally, his hands behind his head, and a smirk on the face I wanted to bash in with a mallet.

I grinned devilishly as my mind wandered. I could see it now; him tied to one of those spinney wheel things crappy magicians use. I smirked as spoons and forks were thrown at him.

Damien was screaming for mercy. I chuckled. “Never, you airhead!” I cackled.

“Never you airhead, what?” said a voice, popping my thought bubble. I groaned and looked up, expecting to see the old haggard Mr. Jameson standing over me.

It just had to be the FT. “What do you want?” I snapped. “I was having a very nice daydream about me killing you with spoons.”

He chuckled. “That’s nice. You know, I’ll have to return the favor someday,” he said. I raised a pierced brow.

“Pardon? Return what?” I asked.

Damien gave me his ‘I’m so sexy and you know you want to glomp me in a public park with little kiddies watching our every move’ smirk and said, “You’ll see, Pige. You’ll see.”

I growled and flipped him the bird. “Asswipe!” I muttered.

The snoring ball of blubber in a tweed suit from the 40’s grunted and shook like Jell-O. I wanted to poke it, so I stood up, marched up to the desk, and prodded his belly with my finger.

“Poke, poke, poke, poke,” I said gaily, my fingers dancing on the burnt orange trampoline. “Hop, hop, hop! C’mon, everyone! Let’s do the Bunny Hop!” I said. My other hand joined the fray, bouncing up and down in time to the music in my head.

“Hey, asswipe!” I said. “Come and join me.”

He did, and laughed as we poked our detention officer. I still hated him, but as long as we did not get caught, things would be fine, right? And if we did, I could always blame him.

All the while Mr. Jameson was still snoring and muttering about seeing Johnny Depp bowing down before him as an eternal slave!

I growled. No one can make my future husband a slave but me! I poked him hard and watched as the fat jiggled so much that buttons began to pop, revealing a hairy stomach. In the terms of my sister, gag me with, like, a metal spoon.

I backed away, eye twitching mercilessly, and reached for Damien. Mr. Jameson snorted, and began to sit up. We sank down in our chairs as he stood. “Oh my,” he said, staring down at his shirt.

I looked away. “I really have to go on that diet.”

The door opened, and a man entered. “Hello, Mrs. Jameson,” said the equally large man. They kissed each other’s cheeks, and I froze. Wait! Did he just call Mr. Jameson Mrs.?

Apparently I had voiced my thoughts, because the pair looked at me and said, “Of course I am a woman, you silly girl,” said the now Mrs. Jameson in a very manly voice. Oh, ew!

“So all this time you’ve been a chick!” I shrieked. “That defies the laws of, well, everything! Ew, you’re a man lady! Or worse, you’re a transsexual! Oh gosh! You are!” I went ballistic.

“My teacher is a brother lady!” I shouted to the skies. I pictured Mrs. Jameson in a dress.

“My eyes!” I yelled. “It burns us! It burns us!”

“Ms. Bennett, if you do not calm down this moment, I will be forced to give you another detention!”

I fell out of my chair and woke up, looking around. “It was just a dream,” I said to myself. “Mr. Jameson is not really a woman.”

“Guess again.” I turned to see Mr. Jameson posing in a pink bikini. His chest and stomach were hairy, and his she-boobs hung down to his navel. Or at least, I thought that was his navel. It was so hard to tell with all that hair.

“Ms. Bennett,” he said. “Quit looking at my vajayjay.” I gagged. He flexed his flabby arms, and I could see gorilla hair. “C’mon,” said the gorilla. “You know you want me. We can have so much fun together. I may be a woman, but I’ve got a dick attached to my ass!”

I screamed.

The entire class was laughing at me. I had been dreaming, again. “Is my class so boring that you have to fall asleep?”

Mr. Jameson was glaring at me. He stalked towards me, and I backed away. ‘Stay away form me, you she male!” I yelled.

“Ms. Bennett, did you take your pills today?” he asked calmly.

“Don’t come any closer or I’ll sick my dog Fang on you!” I said.

“Ms. Bennett!” He was right in front of me less than three feet away. I ran. “Don’t touch me, you whore! Rape! RAPE! I’m being molested by a hairy gorilla woman with a moustache and a dick on her ass! AHH! She wants me to have her hairy trannie gorilla babies! Run for your lives!”

And I did just that. I took off down the hall and spent the rest of the school day in the janitor’s closet.

It was well after school was over when I emerged from the janitor’s closet. I guess I had fallen asleep. I was really tired, probably from the bleach bottles I had inhaled unconsciously.

I stumbled down the hall and into the gym, where I found my friends making fun of the cheerleaders while they were practicing. “Aloha, my peeps,” I called out, waving.

“Mari!” Vogue grinned, her red hair swishing. “We hear about your episode with Jameson. They while school was talking about it.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “That’s what I’m here for: comic relief.” We both laughed. “Where’s Ice and Ro?”

“They went to go look for you. They should be back soon.”

I watched as a cheerleader fell down and howled with laughter. “Loser!” I snickered.

Clair glared up at me. “I bet you couldn’t even do that.”

I shrugged. “It does not matter whether or not I can, but if they can.” I gestured to the cheerleaders.

Enjoy!

stargazerlost: That was her first kiss, and it had been taken by some weirdo, and he stole her fries. She had every right to feel that way.

Cittywolf: Yay! It’s added to your faves. I hope you like the chapter!

Ja ne,

TWC