One More Roommate

A song dedicated to Nancy J. Dreiling, my former roommate
Sung to the tune of Weird Al Yankovic's One More Minute

(constant doo wops in the background throughout the song)

Aahh...

Well I heard that you're leavin' (leavin')
Gonna leave me in the lurch (so in a lurch)
cause you found a brand new boyfriend
In an orgy but you think it's love (dumb bitch..)

So I cleared (I cleared) your name off (name off) of my cellphone mem (oohh..)
And I burned your prom dress picture of you
And I put all the crap of yours on the front porch
Cause I just want to be rid of you (dippity dippity doo)

Thats right (thats right) you ain't gonna hear me cryin'
I'm glad (I'm glad) that you got new friends to screw
cause Id rather spend eternity with a bookcase up my ass
Than have one more roommate like you

I guess that might sound kinda whiney
But you left me kind of down in the dumps
cause I'm strugglin all alone just to pay the internet bill
Do your friends know you think they're all chumps?

Oh, so ass-clown, let me help you with that dresser
But you ain't (you ain't) gonna take my nightstand too
cause Id rather get a hundred Viagra pop up ads on my screen
Than have one more roommate like you

I'd rather rip off my testicles with a spork
Than have to watch those Ghost Hunters again
What do you really in that stupid show? (yah)
It's 42 minutes of two guys sayin' "what was that?" over and over again

Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin to say, cunt-rag...

Id rather read Dianetics out in public (public)
Rip out an eyeball with my friend's Microsoft Zune
Id rather have unprotected sex with Paris Hilton, more than once
Than have one more roommate like you

Yes, Id rather run naked through a Promise Keepers meeting
Or swallow a whole gallon of Ouzo
Id rather walk into a bathroom stall that's right next to Larry Craig
Than have one more roommate like you

I'm so glad you're out of my life you self-centered hypocrit
I hope your lying ass winds up homeless and starving and diseased
Don't want, one more roommate, like you