A/N: So THIS lovely manifestation of god-knows-what is a result of an assignment in a class. Duh. Basically we were supposed to write our own obituaries, and I looked over the work of the guy who sits beside me.

It was Not Good.

So I rewrote it, pulling names and situations out of thin air and hoping to god that our teacher doesn’t yell at us for laughing as hard as we were. The beginning is not fantastic, seeing as how it was initially supposed to be a few sentences.

This is another FlamingDoritos production: inspired by real life and created for you.

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Cam was pushed in front of a large bus by Caitlin. When that failed to kill him, she attempted to end his life by kicking him repeatedly in the skull with the steel-toed boots that she had borrowed from her boyfriend. Regardless, he still lived.

After slotting with her friends, Caitlin decided to sell her soul to Mrgamer the Muffin. In exchange for her soul, Mrgamer granted her his muffiny powers.

Now that she had these extraordinary baked powers, Caitlin was once again prepared to attempt to end the life of Cam.

Two hours later she was rather frustrated, as it turned out that Cam suffered from a terrible disorder that made him immune to WMDs (Weapons of Mass Deliciousness). After further frustration it was also discovered that Cam had an obsessions with bran, which further killed her plans, not to mention her secret weapon (The Bran Power Thingamawhatsit).

So Caitlin, who was rather put out by the whole affair, hunted down Mrgamer, beat the hell out of the muffin, ate it, and successfully got her soul back.

By this time, Caitlin’s boyfriend had decided that he needed to step in. Donning his ninja outfit and his steel-toed boots (which smelled slightly worse after Caitlin’s wearing them), he snuck up on Cam and attempted to slit the boy’s throat. Unfortunately, it was Vampire Awareness Week, and Cam’s neck was more protected than Halloween candy on November first. All Cam was aware of was a minor pressure and a whole lot of apple-scented goodness (but we don’t question that).

Annoyed by his failed attempt, Caitlin’s boyfriend (from here on out known as Pi) pulled out a can of Lysol and his lighter, fully prepared to burn Cam quite a bit, and in a rather painful manner.

Fortunately for Cam, the Ironic Overpowers were looking out for him, and Caitlin appeared. Pi immediately remembered that she was allergic to Lysol-scented fire, and put his WMB (Weapon of Major Burning) away. Caitlin was touched deeply and immediately hugged Pi, and Cam walked away unharmed.

Several hours later, Pi and Caitlin were still rather depressed about the whole ordeal, and decided to call up their friend Squellys, who often had the most absurd and hilarious ideas.

Five minutes later there were naught more than annoyed, because Squellys was already hanging out with several people, none of whom were wearing any socks.

So Pi and Caitlin, frustrated with the events of the day, decided to take a nap.

Three hours later Caitlin was poked awake by Pi, who, on his way to Dreamland, had come across a genie. After an epic chase involving a giant butterfly net, Pi had managed to catch the genie and shove her in his pocket.

The genie, whose name was Steve and whose gender was remarkably questionable (regardless of the fact that she said she was female) was rather annoyed at being shoved into the pocket of a complete (albeit rather good-looking) stranger. Completely ignoring Pi, Steve decided to grant Caitlin three wishes instead on the basis that the girl’s pants had remained genie-free throughout the whole day.

The wishes were made and granted. Caitlin and Pi, now with an army of reanimated chipmunks, a never-ending mountain of pastries, and the ability to stop time (because really, that was convenient more than anything), prepared for one last battle with Cam.

Cam, meanwhile, was frolicking away, completely unaware that his Doom was At Hand.

The chipmunks were coming.

What followed was a bloody, gruesome mauling that made Caitlin twitchy slightly and Pi giggle uncontrollably. Regardless of the attempted murder-by-reanimated-chipmunk, Cam somehow remained alive and was transported to the nearest hospital via magic carpet.

Several weeks passed, during which Caitlin and Pi celebrated their victory over the dreaded Cam. Unfortunately, most good things come to and end, and this victory was one such thing.

Cam came back, albeit somewhat scarred.

What followed was a round of uncontrollable twitching on Caitlin’s part and several odd noises on Pi’s. However, all was not lost. Steve the genie had talked to her friend Luke, the tuba-fairy, who at this moment was closing in.

Squisssh.

Luke the tuba-fairy hugged Cam, immediately squashing him and drawing this epic obituary to a close.

Caitlin and Pi laughed maniacally, then scurried off the eat some pie.

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Except Cam, who was dead.

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A/N: Tada! ‘Tis portfolio class, during which we don’t do our assignments because the teacher treats us as though we’re children. So yes. It’s the obituary of a guy named Cam. And the adventures of Caitlin and Pi.  Awesome, am I right?

Yeah, I’m right.

So yeah. That’s it, I guess. If you have any more ideas for Caitlin and Pi, and Steve the Genie and Luke the Tuba-Fairy, let me know!