12/29/2007

“Cheap Wine and Pajamas”

Of course she had known. She had known for weeks. She had felt the tension, had breathed it in and heard it in the awkward silence when they were together, and she had known the end was near. But despite this knowledge, she had been unable to stop the downward collision of their relationship. In the end, she had not had the power to save herself and now that it was over, she didn’t even know why it had happened that way.

Even though Christie now realized that she had not truly loved Blake as she thought she had, his betrayal was still a blade between her ribs. She felt this was perhaps because of how much was lost. Christie had foolishly planned her life around her relationship with Blake and she now had no idea where to go next, especially now that he was calling her, offering her life back.

Christie could focus on nothing, not the numerous messages that Blake was leaving on her answering machine, or the apologies from her former friend, Anna; not even the messages from Josh, who had surprised her by calling continuously the last week when she had not heard from him in months.

Despite all of these calls, Christie had mostly been living in her bed for the last week, watching movies, reading, and not answering the phone. She felt this was reasonable considering that she was mourning for her lost future. Christie had wanted to get married to Blake; she had wanted children with him. But now she was silently thankful that her college was on a two-week break for the winter holidays because she had only had to venture out of her bed to walk downtown to her favorite chocolate shop and to purchase some more bottles of cheap wine at the store. And whereas she had once been unable to go even a day without washing, she had not even bothered to take a shower the past week and she could not bring herself to care.

The main thing that was bothering her was Anna’s betrayal. She and Anna had graduated at the top of their class together in high school and then become good friends in college. She now realized that Anna had only wanted to steal her so-called “perfect life” and her perfect grades which had enabled her to be first in her class ranking. Of course, she had to admit that she had it much better than Anna. She had never had to work for her money, only ask her parents for it whereas Anna had had to get a job throughout high school and even now, she still had one. Still, Christie never would have guessed that the friend she was once so close to and thought she knew so well could have done something so horrible to her, though she now faced the truth, that Anna had never truly wanted her friendship or considered her to be a friend.

Christie was pulled out of her musings by loud raps on the window only a few feet away from her bed. She glanced at her window and jumped when she saw a strange man standing on her fire escape. She scooted backwards to the head of her bed and stared fearfully at the strange man but was relieved when he took off his hat and she saw that the stranger was really her friend Josh. Christie slid off of the bed and unlocked the window so that he could crawl in.

As soon as his feet touched the cold tile of her bedroom, Christie smothered him in a hug. “Josh! It’s so good to see you!” She pulled away and looked at him. “But you should use doors like normal people,” she scolded him.

He winked at her. “That wouldn’t be any fun though, would it?” She frowned at him and he laughed. “No, I actually did knock on your door, but I guess you didn’t hear me so I decided to come around this way.”

Christie blushed. “Oh, I’m sorry. I suppose I was thinking too hard.” There was a silence then Christie asked, “Why are you over here anyway, don’t you know that it’s polite to call first?”

Josh raised one eyebrow. “I did call.” He looked pointedly at her answering machine which was blinking a furiously red ‘12’.

She chuckled weakly and tried to explain. “Yea, about that…I’m sorry, I’m just not up to company right now.”

He pouted. “But you haven’t seen me in months! And I drove all the way up here so I could see you!”

Christie glared at him. “You could come up here more often you know, for someone you claim to be best friends with.”

“I could see you all the time you know, if you had decided to go to college in good old Ohio instead of Illinois,” he retorted.

“You are the one who suggested that I apply here,” she pointed out.

“Yes, but I didn’t think you would actually decide to go here,” he whined to her then narrowed his eyes, “Are you trying to change the subject?”

Christie ducked her head and Josh shook one finger in her face playfully. “And to think I almost fell for it. Now, I don’t want to hear any objections. Cancel all of your plans with Blake for today because we are going to have fun.”

He knew that he had said something wrong when Christie’s face darkened and her lips turned into a sulky frown. “You and Blake aren’t having problems are you?”

She rolled her eyes. “Blake and I aren’t having much of anything right now.”

He was confused. “You broke up?” She shrugged and Josh continued “Why didn’t you mention it earlier? Is this why you cancelled your trip home for Christmas?”

Christie smiled brightly at him best as she could. “Oh, it’s nothing. He was cheating on me with Anna. We broke it off last week after I found a bra of hers in our bed. Of course, I knew whose it was but he denied it anyway.” Christie shook her head at Josh’s stupidity, then raised her head which had seemed to gradually lower as she talked about their broken relationship. “Anyway, I’m over it and I’m happy because I’m now free to do whatever I want. If I wanted, I could go pick up any guy and not have to worry about it.”

“Sure, even though we both know you aren’t that kind of person. And think of all the diseases you could get.” Josh shuddered lightly.

Christie nodded. “Well, I suppose you are right and there is that but the idea remains the same.”

“Well what do you want to do tonight to celebrate your newly found freedom? Go dancing? Or to a bar,” he glanced at the empty wine bottles in her bedroom doorway then continued. “Or to see a movie and then go out to eat?”

She observed herself in the mirror and twisted one of her greasy brown curls around her finger and yawned. “I’m kind of sleepy and I don’t really feel like getting dressed to go out, do you mind if we stay in tonight and watch movies?”

Josh’s answer was immediate. “Whatever you want Christie, it is your night.” Christie smiled her thanks and Josh continued. “So what movies do you want to rent?”

Christie shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t actually mind. The movies are up to you,” she wrinkled her nose, “But that doesn’t mean you can choose a horror movie, because you know how much I hate those.”

Josh grinned impishly and walked out of the apartment door, promising to be back soon. Christie used the time that he was away to take a shower and slip into some clean pajamas, pulling her wet hair into a loose bun. When Josh walked back in the door just forty-five minutes later with Chinese food in one hand and two movies in the other, Christie was laying out on the couch in front of the TV.

She jumped up excitedly when she saw the Chinese food. “Josh, you are such a doll. What did you get me?”

He sat the movies down on the couch and pulled her food out of the bag with a flourish. “Chicken Lo Mein for the lady.” And walking to the kitchen, he asked, “And what would you like to drink?”

“I don’t know,” Christie called to him, “What do I have?”

She heard him moving things around in the refrigerator. “I see milk and water and…that’s about it.”

“Um, I think I’ll just have some wine,” she replied.

Josh walked back into the living room slowly. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough lately?”

Christie raised her head defiantly. “How would you know? You haven’t been here,” she said accusingly.

“I saw the empty bottles in your room Christie,” he said as in a gentle voice, as if he were speaking to wild, wounded animal.

She visibly deflated. “Oh.” Tears pricked their way out of her eyelids. Christie widened her eyes so that they would not spill over but Josh saw them anyway and with a slightly alarmed but ashamed look, he wrapped her in a hug. His shirt quickly dampened but he tightened his hold, whispering soothing words into her hair as he let her cry it out.

Her tears finally slowed down and she pulled away, wiping her eyes with a yawn and forcing out a laugh. “I haven’t cried since I found out about Blake and Anna, then you come here and I finally cry.”

Josh pulled her to him again. “I’m so sorry babe; I didn’t mean to make you cry. You can drink wine if you want to, really.”

Christie laughed and although it was weak, this time it was a real one. “That’s ok. You’re right Josh. I should probably stop with the wine for a bit, I don’t want to become too dependent on it,” she joked.

Josh smiled at her. “I’ll go to the coffee shop and get you a lemonade slushie if you want?”

Christie returned his smile. “Thank you, I would appreciate that.”

He left her on the couch and walked to the shop across the street. It was crowded with customers and by the time he got back to her apartment with the drink, Christie had fallen asleep on the couch. He smiled when he saw her sleeping then put her drink in the freezer and her food in the fridge. He went back to the living room, picked her up gently and walked to her room where he laid her in her bed.

Josh tucked her in and started to walk back into the living room to sleep on the couch when he heard her whimper. He turned around to look at her and her face was turned into a grimace as she thrashed around in her dreams.

He walked back to her bed and kneeled beside it, smoothing her eyebrows gently. Christie stopped thrashing and her breathing slowed. She rolled over towards him and grabbed his arm that was resting on the bed, hugging up to it. Josh pulled on it gently and her grip tightened. He chuckled quietly and crawled into the bed over her, hugging up to her back.

In the morning, Christie woke up thinking about the odd things that she had dreamt. In spite of the dreams, she felt vaguely happy and burrowed into the warm body next to her. She smiled as she slowly drifted back into sleep.