Author's Note: Another Odyssey Response Story. This one is based on an essay I wrote about Odysseus' arrogance leading to his deceptive nature and blinded judgment is the cause of most of the deaths in the Odyssey. The assignment was to connect my essay to modern times. This is it. Enjoy the randomness!

Dedication to Chrissie, Mr. Amarnick, and Story of the Year. Without you, this would not have been possible.

Day 1- The Meeting

“This is Odysseus. He is new on the Sports Writing Staff so be sure to make him feel welcome.”

The CosmoGirl Sports Staff turned to stare at the newcomer. One, in particular, Eurylochus, sighed in disgust. He hated newbies.

“So, Odysseus,” Theoclymentes said as Odysseus sat down, “we’re planning the latest issue’s sport’s page. Do you have any suggestions?”

“Well,” he said, standing proudly, “how about doing an article on men in sports, such as football. I was a great football star once, if you didn’t know.”

Eurylochus snorted and spat, “What the hell does that have to do with anything? This is CosmoGirl. If you wanted to write ideas on sports with men, you should’ve joined ESPN.”

Mentor looked at him disapprovingly and turned back to Odysseus.

“Well, whatever your name is, since men are obviously better at sports, it’ll give them something to look up to. I know if I was a woman, I’d love to read an article about the sports’ greats, such as myself and countless others.”

From their office, Laertes and Zeus shared a look.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all…Eurylochus held back the urge to strangle Odysseus.

“My name is Eurylochus, for your information and what woman would want to read garbage like that? I mean, we’re living in the 21st century, you imbecile. The feminists would have our heads if we wrote something like that. Now, we if we’re going to write an article about men in sports we have to incorporate female sports so how about we do a comparison?”

The rest of the staff nodded and murmured in agreement. Odysseus reddened and frowned. Eurylochus took that moment to act childish and stick his tongue out at Odysseus.

“Well, since we’re all so keen on his idea, how about compare how Male leagues, such as football, which I played for, seem to get better and better and female leagues continue to, well, suck?”

Mentor, also known as Athena on Alternate Side Parking Days, applauded and the rest joined in. Except for Telemachus and Eumaeus, that is. They shared a look and Telemachus cleared his throat loudly, causing all eyes to turn to him.

“Well, can I tweak that idea a bit? How instead of doing that, which is a great idea, by the way, we do an article about male leagues, female leagues, and how by working together they can improve?”

Mentor looked at him curiously before erupting in applause. And once again, the rest followed suit.

“Yay, we have an article. Let’s boogie!” shouted Elpenor, before proceeding to start a conga line to imaginary music.

Meanwhile, Laertes and Zeus looked on and smiled.

“No, we should do it my way!”

“No, my way!”

“Mine!”

“Mine!”

Odysseus and fellows and Eurylochus and fellows glared at each other. Odysseus and Eurylochus were currently fighting on the article’s layout. Where Odysseus wanted to put the female section first, Eurylochus wanted the opposite: Males first.

“It’s easier for them to see what is lacking when the Males come first,” Eurylochus argued.

“No, Females first so they the Male’s greatness will be more prominent. This worked all the time in my last job,” Odysseus spat back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, having the male section first works better here. I should know, I’ve been working here longer then you,” Eurylochus sneered.

“Well, I’ve been in this business longer than you,” Odysseus stated, smirking.

Eurylochus continued to glare at him for lack of words. After a moment, he made a huge sigh and called his group together. They spoke in whispers and then reemerged.

“Fine, we’ll go with your idea.”

Odysseus smirked. “Let’s get this to the writer’s boys!”

“And Girls!”

“And girls!”

Odysseus, Eurylochus, and their teams crowded into Laertes and Zeus’ office. Eurylochus smiled knowingly to himself. Aah, the sweet smell of success.

“Now, that you’re all here,” Zeus started appearing magically behind Laertes, “Let’s get started.”

Eurylochus continued to smile though Zeus looked about ready to pop a vein.

He always looked like that. Eurylochus assumed it was a hereditary condition passed down that caused the victim to look like a tomato on grumpy drugs.

“Who is responsible for this?”

He held up a printed copy of the “Female Leagues v Male Leagues: Enhancing Each Other.”

Eurylochus proudly stepped forward.

“You’re fired!” Zeus spat in a rage.

“And so is your team. Get out of my office!”

Eurylochus’ team began to exit quickly. At last, Eurylochus was the only one left. He turned to Odysseus’ in disbelief.

“You said…”

“I lied.”

“So, are we going to do Eurylochus’ idea now?” Amphinimous asked.’

“Of course. We were always going to do it. We just had to fool him into doing the crappy layout so he’d be disposed of.”

“Aah, that’s mean,” Amphinimous.

“Well, that’s what he gets. No one acts better than Godlike Odysseus and gets away with it.”

Telemachus and Eumaeus shared a look and shook their heads sadly.

“Lets get started, shall we?”

“This is it?” asked Laertes staring at the article in his hand. Frankly, the article was crap.

“Yes, it is,” Odysseus responded proudly.

“I hate this. What made you think this would be okay? It’s complete and utter trash. Gods, can’t I get any decent work around here?”

“I have a suggestion,” Telemachus spoke up. Laertes looked at him with interest.

“And that might be?”

“Well we could always do the different problems in both the female and male leagues and then how they can be solved. That way, the reader won’t have to compare both sections and will only have to read one.”

Laertes seemed to ponder this.

And then he smiled.

“Good work, young man. Finally someone with bigger brains then his pride. Bravo to you!”

Telemachus blushed slightly and Eumaeus patted him on the back.

“Get to work on it already.”

The group began to leave.

“Oh, Odysseus,” Laertes called.

Odysseus looked up expectantly.

“You’re fired.”

Odysseus’ shoulders sagged as he exited the room.

“So, Telemachus. How would you feel about getting promoted…?”