Letter

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I’m afraid to fall in love with you again, with your words tethering on rejection, my heartthrobs,

wondering who feels those beats when mine don’t and break instead.

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(-&-I don’t seem to understand really, how I fall so hard and so fast,
caught within heartbreaking moments of black, white, and red…
fading hearts don’t bleed, not like the tears falling from my eyes.)

I seem to find that I just want to stand here and wait in silence,
mute voices wondering if your heart will search for mine if it stops,
or will this asphyxiation grip choke me and I can’t breath over your scent?

can you hear me, care to save me from the madness in my mind, I’m losing control,
throwing myself away to the beckoning hands of death—“I’ll take care of you,”
and seduce you to fall into my arms and damn your chances of love!
He screams to me…Why be so cruel?—my heart is already there, my lines are already read by you.

Dear love, you broke my heart once too many times,
and I’m not sure if it’s because your hands aren’t strong enough for you let it fall,
drop into the ocean and cause ripples on the surface so they whisper,
“join us in eternal death”.

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I’m sorry, if I seem to grate your nerves, step on them with aching words,

but I love the way you turn to apologize, and take more from me.

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(-&-it’s so damn hard to get up from this bed,
when I know you’re gone looking for her again)

this is the worse part of repeating myself, knowing you don’t care,
I’m tired of hearing the same things coming out of my mouth,
and numbing my own ears.

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So I sit here and write this letter, I’ll be coming home soon,

I don’t know how or when, but I will when I think I’m over you.

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author's note: last entry.