I’m 20 years old, female, fairly decent looking, and alone on a Friday evening. Why? Well, no reason at all. It’s all my fault I’m here. I chose this path and I’m stuck on it. I’m kinda waiting in the meanwhile for some nice person to rescue me out of this hole, but until there, I guess I’ll just stall here for a few more minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, does it matter to you?

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When we first started, I used to think that there was hope. Hope for us, and hope for what would be. You know, I have such great plans for the both of us. Really, I did, because I still had hope. And now I realize that this whole relationship has been based on hope. Hope, one-sided, on my part, because you had no hope for it and I know it now that you don’t keep your end of the bargain.

All the promises you gave me, made me smile and squirm. All the silly jokes, made me giggle. And now, there aren’t anymore silly jokes and fake promises. You’ve even given up on those. I sometimes feel as if I’m the only one in this relationship, that’s binding me and holding me to this large promise. I realize that I could’ve had better offers and better deals. But I took this relationship seriously, because I thought that no deal or offer could outweigh yours.

You were the awesomely funky cool kid that I met so long ago, and the image of you, laying in the grass, just staring into space, and waiting for me to come by, made my heart melt. But that’s all gone. You’re a couple hundred miles away from me at this point, far far way and nowhere near enough to hear me cry.

You hear that? I’m crying for you and it’s breaking my heart. I’m trying to hold on so badly, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. You live in the states, not in Antarctica. Is it really so hard to visit me in the months that we’ve been together? Are we even together? It hurts me to have to wonder that, because it’s been so long since I’ve had physical and actual proof that you care about me.

I think that I annoy and bug you all the time. I know that you think I do too. But that’s just the me you met then and the me now, because I’m worried. I’m worried about how this distance affects us and how much it puts a toll on me all the time. If I am feeling the strain, aren’t you too? How do I know that far far away in your Neverland, you don’t have another Wendy with you? In your humble apartment, do you have another Mary Jane running to you with her wedding dress still on?

Because I’m still here, love. I’m not some invisible and intangible entity. I am whole, alive, and very much alone in this giant world, where the only thing I am looking for is love. If not love, then at least someone gentle and nice to hold me when I am insecure and unsteady. You haven’t done that for me, ever. You told me to shut up. You ignored me. You left me to the wolves of my fears and insecurities. All I asked for all this time is to see you at least once. Just once, it’s all that I asked for and all that I wished for. You never held your promise.

And this is the part where I tell you that I am disappointed in you. And this is the part where I tell you that it’s over. But I can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to let you go. All this I’m feeling, is it one-sided? Are you feeling the same things that I’m feeling? Because it pains me, everyday and every night. I need to let you go if all I keep on doing is just thinking of you and when you will fulfill your promises. But I can’t bring myself to let you go, love. You’re the most absolutely wonderful and amazing person that I could ever connect with that I’ve ever met. But all I’m doing is just hoping. Hoping if for silly romantics and naïve little girls. But I’m your naïve little girl waiting for you to rescue her from this cruel world and envelop her in your strong arms. I’m a silly romantic, I know, and that’s why I’ll hold on till the very last minute. Till I have my mental meltdown and physical breakdown, I’ll keep and hoping because I’m your naïve little girl and silly romantic, love. I’ll always be yours.