Eion GibbsThe Story Of Gav And IEion Gibbs

The Story Of Gav And I

Chapter 1

If you know the very unique Gav that I’m talking about then you know a boy of probably thirteen with blue eyes and brown hair, he is about, well let’s just say five and a half feet tall and he has been living in a block of ice for the past two hundred years.

No? I thought so; in fact I am the only living person on this Earth that knows of this fascinating creature. Well actually there are two of us if you count in my delightful cocker spaniel Echo.

We came across this boy trapped in a block of frozen water about two days ago. We know that he is in the region of two hundred years old all because of his perfectly preserved shirt on his perfectly preserved body that has the ‘Lacoste 1806,’ logo on it (a crocodile that looks strangely like a duckbilled platypus).Echo and I immediately decided upon giving this extraordinary find the name Gav as on the back of the boys trousers were the initials G.A.V.

Now, I suppose I’ve explained quite enough of our lad so if you don’t object I really wouldn’t mind returning to the present.

“Woof, grrr woof,”

“What’s that Echo? Oh yes, your quite right.” As Echo has correctly pointed out, I have not yet told you my own description, where we found Gav and the connection between cocaine and light bulbs. Funny that, I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten the latter before.

Well let’s start at the beginning, I am called Eion Gibbs, I live in Scotland near the great city of Inverness… I have blue eyes and…..

“Woof.”

“Oh sorry Echo,” Echo just told me not to stand on her tail and that I am going into too much detail describing my self. Moving on to the inevitable subject of where Echo and I found Gav, I say inevitable for two reasons, firstly because it’s a reasonably long and impressive word but secondly and probably more importantly is that the location plays a major part in my story, I cant really say ‘The Place’ every time I refer to it now can I.

Echo and I discovered Gav at the farm on our great estate, Belladrum. We were forced by my Father (the ‘mighty’ Joe Gibbs) to stop watching television or he threatened to chuck it, I then countered this by threatening to chuck him in the bin if he exterminated my beloved television. This heated argument ended with Echo and me sitting on my raving Dad as if he were a bench wile watching all the ‘ghastly’ television shows that are complete and utter rubbish, I wish.

Sadly it really ended with Echo and me sloping off into the horrible bright object in the sky with an issued mission to explore the apparently interesting farm. Belladrum farm is no different from any other farm except for the sole reason it turns out to contain a boy of roughly thirteen in a large rectangular shape that at first glance could fool anyone that it is simply just a leather trunk, it may even fool a trunk maker but as we all know, looks can be deceiving.

I approached the apparent trunk in the hope that it enclosed a bloody huge amount of rubies and gold coins that’ll roll in the millions for me (if not that then at least a dead body) but was thoroughly disappointed when I saw that all that lay inside it was some boy in a large block of ice rather than mountains of spoils that you would imagine to come from Aladdin’s cave.

It was close enough to a dead body so I wasn’t going to start complaining. For some reason I didn’t feel at all shocked, actually that isn’t much of a surprise as it’s quite a challenge to shock me. I began to study our catch with interest and I noticed that on the inside of the trunk there were metal plates trapping in the over grown ice block.

I know it’s pretty damn well pathetic to laugh at your own jokes but I just couldn’t help it when I cracked it to Echo she gave a off a whine that basically said, “That is the worst joke I have ever heard.” I didn’t agree. I mean if you can imagine my Dad trying to put the huge ice cube with the boy in it into one of his guest’s glass’ of whiskey then you too would laugh wouldn’t you, or not.

Well I came to the conclusion that this ‘trunk’ was an early sort of freezer and my idea was confirmed when I noticed some stitching on the back of the rectangle which stated, ‘The Freezinator.’ Echo and I left about two hours later with the conclusion to tell no one of Gav and we left the top of the trunk open so Gav could de-frost and then maybe Echo and I could give him a proper burial. Pretty grim isn’t it, well get used to it… this is a long and blood curdling story.

I know what you’re thinking, at least I think I know what you are thinking, ‘What happens if someone walks in and sees Gav in the open trunk?’ well that’s all taken care of because Gav and his trunk are in the corner of a derelict barn on a run down farm, it wasn’t likely that someone else would find him. So over the course of the following two days Echo and me (to the confusion of my father) left our sacred television voluntarily to go and visit Gav, the de-frosting was working a treat.

The large block of ice that was originally surrounding his body had melted down completely which now gave off the impression that Gav was a couloured in ice sculpture. As operation de-frostation was working so well I began to wonder about what I would do with the body when it was all floppy and normal again, the conclusion was simple… bury it. It was the only really humane thing to do. So straight away I ventured off into the jungle of the tool shed in search of a sturdy spade that would be able to dig a shallow grave. As you may have worked out I am obviously not the most ambitious chap as I said that I was intending to hollow out a shallow grave rather than the full sized six foot edition, I know my limits.

So for the next four hours or so I laboured through the afternoon with the sun beating down on my neck and blisters forming on my hands. At last my work was done, complete, finished and so I went off to find my self a good sturdy looking couple of sticks to fashion a cross out of with the rope at the back of the barn to bind the two bits of wood. After over coming this challenging objective I whipped out my very impressive brand new pen knife and engraved into the horizontal stick, ‘To Gav, who will be thoroughly missed by all, especially his dearest and closest friend, ‘The Freezinator.’’ Echo gave me a disapproving whine but I just told her that I couldn’t think of anything better to say.

Before we returned home I inspected Gav one last time and came to the conclusion that he would be free by tomorrow afternoon at the latest. That night it rained… heavily.

It was still raining when we got up, and while I had breakfast as well as on the long walk to the farm. When we got there and had a glance inside the old fashioned freezer we saw a normal boy that looked as if he had fallen asleep in a trunk with an odd interior design. The one problem just so happened to be that the seemingly normal boy’s heart had forgotten how to beat.

So with heavy hearts I dragged out the leather box and placed it next to the grave, it was then that I realised with annoyance that the little trench had a large puddle at the bottom. I decided to just ignore it and go through with the service as per normal, but two words decided to continually appear in my head, ‘watery grave.’ It was like one of those annoying adverts that persistently leap onto your computer screen telling you to buy a new mobile for no reason whatsoever save the satisfaction of you knowing that you have needlessly wasted some hard earned cash.

So I ignored this incessant remark and pressed on in my efforts to keep the funeral running smoothly. Then a problem edged into my life, how on Earth was I supposed to get Gav from the giant freezer and into the (watery) grave. I didn’t want to do the grizzly job by bending down into ‘The Freezinator,’ besides I doubt that I was strong enough so I sallied forth once more to the wreckage of the tool shed.

There, staring me in the face was the perfect tool; it was a red complex design of bars with one long tube of metal sticking about two metres out waiting for someone to damage their eye on it. The long piece of metal I knew had the purpose of not ruining someone’s eye sight but it was in fact a lever. It was so long so it could be used as a pivot and it would be positioned under the freezer, up and down goes the lever and bingo, we have an odd looking freezer that can also be modelled as a miniature elevator.

I wheeled it out of the tool shed and sent it rattling across the cobbled court yard to the other side with one almighty push where I had dug out my wondrous grave, with Echo barking at its wheels. I ran after it and caught it just in time before it crashed into my hole, which would have been a serious problem in my plans. Then positioning it beneath the half trunk half freezer I began to push and pull the long metal bar up and down and watched in triumph as the freezer began to jerk up and up. I had done it. The freezer was going up and up but also it was being projected out and over the very fashionable grave, if I may say so myself.

Then when I was sure that it was directly over the pit I grabbed hold of the bar and with one swift yank I pulled it away, just like the magician and his table cloth trick. The freezer tumbled forward and I prayed that my magic would be pulled off with expert precision. The freezer spun round again and again before flipping the lid open and sending Gav to a peace full everlasting rest while the trunk its self ended up in a heap on the ground.

How swish was that? No one could have executed it as perfectly as I. just then my phone said, “hmmm… why don’t I ring right now just to be really inconvenient?” And so it did, I dug it out of my pocket and just as I did it slipped out my hand and into the murky puddle at the bottom of my masterfully designed pit. With it, it managed to take all my contacts, text messages and ten pounds of calling credit, but it gave life.

As soon as it made contact with the water it began to frazzle and waves of what I guess to be electricity shot out of it as it short-circuited with the water. Any wave that went right of the phone entered straight into Gav. I thought nothing of it, except for the fact that that must have warmed him up considerably. Then Echo, who had been watching the entire time with deep interest set on her elongated face, began to cough in an extremely human like fashion. Now this is the point when you think, ‘oh how cheesy, it is so obvious that it is really Gav who coughed because he’s come alive because of the electricity waves from the phone,’ and if you did then you are 100 correct, except I would prefer it if you didn’t say cheesy.

So when I realised that it was not Echo who had coughed but in fact the cough had come from the grave, I peered over the ridge of it and I was surprised. Amazing isn’t it, I was surprised, oh and also it’s a smaller surprise that Gav had come alive.

His eyes were looking around with a distant expression on them, they were a dazzlingly light shade of blue that it almost hurt to look at them. Then he began to move, first his head then his arms, upper torso, lower torso, legs and once it looked like he would be able to stand up, he did.

The great thing was, was that he hadn’t noticed me yet. He slowly hauled himself up and I felt like David Attenborough doing a documentary on boys that entered an ice cube at the age of around thirteen and exit it at the age of one hundred and thirteen. Now let’s see what he makes of his natural habitat. Gav seems to be looking about him in a confused manor, and I can imagine what’s going on in his head, ‘bloody hell, what the dickens am I doing in a wet ditch?’ hopefully he wont find out that I am responsible for his current position.

Then, suddenly he sees an immense red tractor. ‘What on earth is that?’ is I bet what is now bouncing about his poor confused head. ‘Why don’t we go and see if it breathes.’ And so he did, he clambered heavily out of what would have been his new home where he could’ve decomposed for all and eternity in peace and stumbled off towards the large vehicle. He looked like Bambi on ice!

I chose this as an excellent opportunity to introduce my self; I boldly strolled up behind him with Echo in close pursuit. He must have been so indulged in the tractor and its bare mechanics that he didn’t even hear us splashing our way through the growing puddles. I stood behind him for a few seconds examining him. His hair was short and his height looked to be the exact same as my own.

After the few seconds of waiting, I began to feel nervous. What would be his reaction to my sudden appearance on the scene, would it be one of shock, interest… why the hell do I care, I’m a smooth talker with everyone except my Dad, this cant be to challenging.

“Ahem…” I said tapping him on the shoulder. He whirled around so fast I was sure he must have left his face on the other side still drinking in the tractor, but I was wrong, his face had now changed targets and it was preparing to take in my existence in twenty milliseconds flat, failed this and resolved to give me a blank face.

“Um, well hello… I’m Eion Gibbs,” I said reaching across to shake his hand, some smooth talker I am. In the future I might as well let Echo do her smooth yapping (sorry, I know that that was very weak, my mistake). His mouth didn’t move for some time, then all too quickly it transformed into a blur as he tried to ask many question at the same time. No sound was made. A confused expression washed over his face as poor Gav realised that he had lost the power given to humans by our great Lord God, which is the power of speech. He began to try and blabber some more but that didn’t make a difference; he just couldn’t make a squeak.

I came to the conclusion that his voice box must have been frozen beyond working order and resolved to the hope of ordering him a new one on eBay; they seemed to be selling anything on there these days. Gav’s expression soon changed from confusion to horror as he realised that he just had no way of communicating with me vire speech and so he therefore couldn’t ask me the now ten billion and one question exploding out of his head at present.

Gav was staring at the ground shaking his head and would be muttering to himself if he had the given power. I put a friendly arm around him and tried to sound kind and give off the impression that I was there for him. It didn’t work and I realised that it was a very hard talent to master. Gav didn’t notice my failed friendly gesture and just carried in with his soundless babbling.

This gave me a chance to think about the next complicated stage. What was I to do with him now? I do admit that kill him popped up a couple of times but I passed it off as the little devil in my head finding its voice, I hope! I came to the unsure conclusion of passing him off as a new friend from school that had come to stay at home for the next few years. When I ran the idea by Echo she agreed so I signalled for the helpless Gav to follow and after several attempts he finally noticed me, took the hint after another few minutes and off we set back to Phoineas house, Oh God please help me.

Chapter 2

I entered the great white Georgian mansion at the back door and after much peering around corners I beckoned the entranced Gav to my room. There I placed my hands on his shoulders and forced him to sit on the bed. I turned and walked out of my room, placing a chair on the outside against the door handle, as a caution to stop him from wondering aimlessly around the house.

Finally I started off down to my dads office and casually strolled in, trying to look as innocent as possible as I took deep breaths.

“Hi dad,” I said cheerily. Already I had screwed it up completely, I never walk into my dads office and go ‘hi dad.’ Usually I tried to be funny and say, ‘Hi Mum.’

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