I don't wanna hurt him anymore. I don't wanna take away his life. I don't wanna be a murderer.

I know that there is somebody out there, meant for me. But I can't seem to find him because I still can't seem to get over you. You would think that it's easy, but it really isn't.

Love at first sight? Nothing but a lie told to make fairytales seem more ideal.

Soulmates? Nonexistent - it's simply an idea that gets a person's hopes up.

True love. Impossible to actually find, but probably amazing if it was accomplished. I believe in it, that's all I know.

Why can't things just be easy? Why do they have to be so difficult?

Like your so perfect, and I can't measure up. But I'm not perfect, just all messed up. I was losing myself to somebody else, but now I see. I don't wanna pretend, so this is the end of you and me.

We got along better before we became "close" friends. It was the only time that you didn't ignore me. Sure, most of that time you were still going out with that whore but back then I didn't mind it. I just wish that we could go back to that, even if it was for just one day.

You see me, I see through you. You say fuck me, I say fuck you. You love me, I don't love you.

And now that I've finally told you what I think about you - even though you still don't realize that it's me speaking; it's time for me to really move on. I don't know how long it will take; and to be honest, I don't think it matters much. I have friends that will help me along the way. Only a few know about you, but that's really all I need.

You never told me why. I asked you a lot of times, you never cracked.

You never gave me a reason.

You didn't give me the time of day.

It's people like you that made me and my best friend decide that we needed rules for the guys we decide to like. Well, it's pretty much two rules. First is the obvious one - the best friend has to approve. The second is the one you probably would expect, but it limits our choices by a whole lot.

No druggies.
No drunks.
No fuck-ups.
No preps.
No jocks.
No incosiderate jerks that will hate you once you break up.

It should be obvious which category you fit into. I'll give you a hint - the one with the curse word in it. I realized soon after becoming friends with you that you were just some messed up kid that needed a whole lot of help to make something of himself. I tried to do that, more subtly than others would. Those efforts clearly went to waste because you're still just a fucked up kid who needs to get his priorities straight.

You're the most confusing guy that I have met in my entire life, and all I ask of you is to talk to me - just once, and actually know who I am.

The saddest part is that I still haven't gotten over you. I still haven't processed the fact that you never really cared.

Why can't I seem to forget about you? I know that you're the one thing - aside from my parents - that's preventing me from noticing anyone. Or am I just telling myself that to cover up the fact that no boy with eyes would ever give me a second glance? Yeah, I think that's it.

It's like a thousand papercuts soaked in vinegar.

I really can't put it into words. "It" being my immense hatred for you. I knew you'd bring me heartache the first time I saw you in our social studies class in eighth grade. You were the fucked up slacker that had gotten held back; and I know that I sounded extremely redundant just now, yet I don't care. Something about you just drew me in - but you didn't even really know who I was until that fire drill when I hung out with you and...Kayla - oh, how I wish that day never happened; it only drew me in more. Was it the fact that you made me feel that it was okay that I was so short compared to the two of you? Or was it the fact that you have been the only one to make me laugh at my own flaws? You always cheered me up when I was down about something. Then this year came, and everything just changed so suddenly. Honestly, I didn't like it then; and I don't like it now. Why did things have to change so quickly? Why did they change it all? Funny, if one of my teachers knew how I felt - more specifically my Biology teacher - they'd be like "Get over him!" or "You're young, you've got plenty of time to find someone." I know that I want to listen to what they would say; but if I told them, well then you'd know by now because some of your friends are in my classes. And I fucking hate it! I can't be myself in school - except at lunch when I'm with people that think you're a total fag. I used to disagree, but these days I'm not sure what you are.

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Author's Note: Lyrics from Rihanna, The Veronicas, HED PE, and The Spill Canvas.