wanted

i dont know what i want and you know that you dont want me

but what is want anyway but just another word

like driver or blanket or love

it echoes in my head like a bad dream

lovelovelovelove

which is stupid because i dont even know you

whoever you are

maybe in love with the idea of love

of someone to wrap myself in

to wrap in myself

to be a part of and to make a part of myself

and

i know theres something wrong with me

if its been this long and you havent found me yet

maybe because im hiding

underneath the ugliness and

my fears of rejection ... from you and them and everyone

if you rejected me

at least you notice me

i cant ask you to love me if

im not a loveable person

maybe i dont want you

maybe i dont want anybody

maybe i want loneliness

maybe i dont

but what does all of it mean anyway

its just words and thoughts and

i dont know what i want and you know that you dont want me

---

Author's Note – There's no punctuation in the poem for a reason. Normally I am a huge stickler for grammar, but poetry is about breaking the rules, and I think punctuation ruins the effect. Um, also this was written in an hour, with no real corrections made after the fact. I like the first half better than the second half.