this is my style.

→warnin': shitworthshitconveredinshit - written in under 15 minutes - i was bored.

→song credit: "want you bad" by The Offspring.
check it out, along with »"can't repeat"«, "self-esteem"

---

the last time i had a smoke was probably a little over one or two months ago. the last time i had a smoke with your "okay" was probably... hell, half a fuckin year ago. you always seem to catch me in the act, or discourage even the temptation. and out of patience, i obliged.

everytime we sit on the couch, now, it's silent, but peaceful. we used to be the couple people used to see in the halls and say, "that couple is happy."

we'd be the couple everyone thought was going to last.

and, i guess, we were. are. whatever.

"are you ok?"

"yeah - fine. why?"

"makin sure."

if you could only read my mind
you would know that things between us
ain't right

i know your arms are open wide
but you're a little on the straight side
i can't lie

now, i can't look you in the eye whenever you pick me up. i remember when guys like you weren't even grabbing my attention when standing directly in front of me. and i remember when guys the opposite of you (drugs, alcohol, sex, and trashing places-telling our boyfriends and girlfriends to stop being asses, to shut up, to go fuck a dog - the like) were the only kind grabbing my eyes.

i remember when i first hated you.

and then we "fell in love".

"oh, come on. what did you ever see in that shit?"

"what do you mean?"

"they're so fucked up! i bet all they ever did was beat you."

"why do you have to make them sound like they're so bad of people?"

"you're right, i don't even know them - i'm sorry."

your one vice
is you're too nice
come around now can't you see

i want you
all tattooed
i want you bad

smothering and suffocation aren't what i feel. i feel out of place, and like you're the lost puppy who's found someone to guide them somewhere. somewhere safe, because you've found someone who knows what's bad and what's not.

"i got you the hoodie you wanted and--"

"why? it's not a holiday or my birthday."

"you said you wanted it, so i got it."

a man loaded with his own, hard-earned money - i (once) wanted one. and i got him. and i couldn't hate the "luxury" any more than i already did.

"did you buy it?"

"of course - what, di'you think i'd steal it?"

"think isn't the right word?"

"did you want me to?"

"i want you to do a lot of things."

i've tried to piss you off, and to ruin this imperfectly perfect relationship of ours. i want to have fights and break things on the wall. i want to find reality before it hits us and bite it in the ass (before it bites us.)

i want to find the balance before its too late to be found.

complete me
mistreat me
want you to be bad bad bad bad bad

"what do you want?"

"i dont want you to be perfect."

"i'm perfect?"

"almost."

"what do you mean?"

"you're perfect to everyone else."

"but not to you?"

"no. but don't change."

"how can i be perfect?"

"no way."

"i have to be what they hate, don't i?"

"don't."

"i know."

if you could only read my mind
you would know that i've been waiting
so long
for someone almost just like you
but with attitude, i'm waitingso come on

get out of clothes time
grow out those highlights
come around now can't you see

there are a few new piercings and you've gotten a stubble on your chin. you won't dare to near the drugs, but you've gotten rough.

in just the wrong way.

i want to know what's gotten into you, but i don't mind. it's humorous to see you try and fail to be exactly what i love, even though you hate and don't understand it.

"you know, i've wanted you to be kinda like this for awhile, now."

"you know, i've never wanted to be like this."

i want you
in a vinyl suit
i want you bad

complicated
x-rated
i want you bad bad bad bad bad
bad

and you're back to normal in less than a day. apologies, and explanations, and excuses all put me off to a bad start. redundancy has always been a strong point. you're too thick-headed to understand that not everyone is thick-headed, like you.

holding the doors open, pulling out my chair, taking me out to dinner, paying for the food - i'm nearly sick with the amount of courtesy you've been showing me.

(i want chivalry to be dead and gone. long gone.)

"let me do things myself. make me pay for dinner. be a bad boyfriend - make a fuckin' mistake."

don't get me wrong
i know you're only being good
but that's what's wrong
i guess i just misunderstood

Yo!

i want you
all tattooed
i want you bad

"i don't want to hurt you."

"you won't. i don't want stories written about our perfection."

"but i do."

complicated
x- rated
i want you bad

"i don't understand why you can't just deal with who i am?"

"i don't understand you."

"what do you mean?"

"i know you get angry. i've seen it. but you don't act on it. i've seen you get irritated, and i've seen you go out of your way for me when you didn't want to in the first place. why can't you be -"

"selfish?"

yeah, "exactly."

"fine."

"fine won't cut it."

"how's this?"

there's a five-second, pregnant pause before you even move. when you do, you're grabbing my hair and throwing me up against the wall.

i taste blood as you force your tongue into my mouth, digging your nails into my hipbone and scalp. and for the first time we've been together, i feel what i think is happiness.

i mean it
i need it
i want you bad bad bad bad bad
bad
really really bad

---

→NO. i dont want to see anyone in a vinyl suit, thank you very much.