It is amazing how one person can set aside all the things that really matter and leave them hanging on the air.

Yes, that was how I felt when he left me. It was a bitter experience, but I know I will soon be ok.

It's been five months since we parted ways. He had a job offer at another place, away from me. The reason why we had to end the relationship. A year and a half.

He meant everything to me. The way he smiles at me; the way he makes me feel when he touches my hand; and the way he says "I love you" makes little butterflies play inside my tummy. Yet, I knew that this wouldn’t last. He couldn’t make a public announcement about our relationship. It would end his career and his plans.

He quitted playing basketball for the meantime, since this job offering was better than the basketball career he has. He is a perfectionist, and a man with pride and brain. A little bit of an airhead, but I loved him more than I knew I can.

I occupied and empty bench at the nearest park to my apartment. It was a sunny April Tuesday, with the smooth breeze blowing my hair to my fair. I was wiping the sweat off my forehead from my daily jogging when I saw a man walking towards me. Instantly, I turned the volume down from my mp3 player, removed the earphones, and stared blankly. Very familiar posture.

"Hey". He said to me.

It was him. I knew it. From the broad shape of his shoulders to his long straight legs, the hazel eyes with life every day, the dark brown hair that accentuates his fair skin and red lips. I could recognize him from a mile. He's still the same man I remembered 11 months ago. But the flash in his eyes are gone.

"What's wrong? Is it your work?". I asked him.

There was silence.

"Not really.” At last, but with a sigh. “I don’t even think you want to hear it.”

"Maybe I do.” I paused. “C'mon, it's not going to hurt!" But it was awkward.

"I thought it would work out. I tried my best. I gave up a lot. But instead, they got back together. Why?"

That was why. I thought wrong. For eleven months, I thought that the job was the. It was her all along.

He met her at a club two days after his birthday, I think. But, I didn’t care. She didn’t arouse my interest. All I know was that he met him while we we're together. Few days later, he told me about the job offer and set of miles away. From me.

"Really? It must have been hard for you."

"Why would she do that? He left her for someone else. It didn’t work out, and he returned to her. She accepted him. Why?”

He was almost mad.

"Don’t get mad. If you love her, let her go. That's what they always say."

"No. If you love someone, do everything to keep that special half. You love, and you don’t want that half to get hurt. And you don’t want to stop being whole, so you keep that other half.”

His words bit me. Maybe he's right. If you love the person, don’t let go easily.

"Did you talk to her?"

"No. She said there's nothing I can do. She said what we have is over."

He sobbed. Tears started falling.

I thought I felt nausea coming. It was awkward enough to listen.

*flashback : 11 months ago*

"I know. But I think we have to really stop this."

"Why?"

"Because... I have a new job offer. I really want to take this opportunity. You know I’ve always wanted something like this."

"But what about us?”. Tears started to blur my eyes.

"What us? This thing you call us? I don’t know anymore. Look, if you love me, you’ll let me do what makes me happy, right?"

"Do I not make you happy?” I let out a heavy sigh.

"Well, yes, you do. But in some ways, you don't. This is an opportunity for me. And the only way I can take it is when I move out. Long distance relationships never work. Just be happy for me, ok?"

"I am. But could you at least consider, well… us?"

"Please stop being selfish. It’s not always about us."

It was never about us.

He took his gym bag, and turned around. After a few steps, he looked back.

“I’m sorry. Good night.” And then he walked away.

*end of flashback*

"Why not let it be?”

I do not know what to feel. Suddenly, I forgot how to feel anything.

I saw myself in the situation.

"What would you do if you were her?"

But I’m not her.

It was like asking me “Would I take you back?”

“I wouldn’t know. I guess, once is enough. Twice is too much.”

I looked at him. I wiped the tears away. Then I smiled.

"At least she told you. It wasn’t from another scene.”

Just like mine.

His eyes were watery. He took the space beside me at the once empty bench.

"I don’t know. Maybe.” he said quietly, almost in a whisper.

He looked at me, and gave a weak smile. We sat together for a few seconds without uttering a word.

“I better go. Thanks. I will see you around.”

Those were his last words.

I knew it was over. We are over.

Eleven months ago, on this same bench, I shed tears for the same reason.

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c.03/19/03

Edited: 12/12/08