And Crushed The Sequel to “Cursed”

By B.C.

Written 10-15-07

Sudden and unseen

Unheard, unpredicted

Unthought-of, unwilled

Like a piano down royal stairs

I am being crushed

And it hurts so much

Me, lying here in a bunch

Praying it wasn’t true

Wishing for something to sue

The pain I find myself in

The pain in my heart

That refuses to mend

I am crushed

And it hurts so much

Sitting in a pool

Of blood and tears

Some sigh good riddance

Some say I’m free

Others say he wasn’t worthy

My sister says I told you he’s a killer

Oh how I wish I couldn’t believe her

I am crushed

And beginning to try to get up

But my legs won’t bend

To allow me to stand

The pain I’m in

How I’m pleading its end

The sorrow I bear

I wish I didn’t care

The words we shared

How could he dare

To stop so unexpectedly

And without a reason too

To push that piano

Didn’t he know

I was there

At the end of the stairs

He crushed my heart

And stabbed it through

Tiring it part

Handing it back

My crushed and shattered love

I had to offer him

And the words he didn’t say

Didn’t cut me as deep

As the one he did

“Friends.” All he said

All I heard

It was like putting

The pieces of my heart

Back together with a 4” staple gun

I was cut, broke and crushed

And now I pick myself up

Off the filthy blood stained floor

Not sad miserable happy or glad

But pure unbridled mad

I clench my fists

And bite into my tongue

Filling my mouth with an iron taste

For this I’ve found

That blood in my mouth

Is better than my tears an the ground

My eyes begin to burn

My head starts to ache

Suddenly though my muscles relax

I stand there quiet

Unable to feel my hate

It had vanished

Without a trace

I stay there thinking

Thinking of our times shared

The words we exchanged

The emotions we felt

I stood there for quite a while

And soon a dense fog appeared

Like my thoughts

Everything was so unclear

Why’d he just leave me here?

Did I change or do something wrong?

Had the dance we shared stop?

Had the music refused to play any longer?

Did we change?

I sat down slowly

Gently upon my knees

Looking into the reflecting pool

Of my very own blood and sorrow

What had happened?

What had been done?

That was months ago

And now I return

To this place I had left behind

The place I had left confused

But come back changed and renewed

I can see now

What I could not then

The unsteady homes

That he had lived in

The emotional pains

He must have gone through

I was so foolish back then

I just couldn’t see

But now I stand

Having discovered the cruel hand

My lover had been dealt

By pushing me way

He felt he had saved me

From the pain and loose

Of what battered him most

How I now understand

That even then

He held me close in his heart

And refused to let me share in his hurt

Men, Boys, Lovers

Their foolish pride

I would have helped him

if I could’ve

I would have shared his sorrow

Partaken in his pain

Cried along with him

But he did what he thought was right

I just wish I could have been at his side

I see him now and then

Sadly

As a distant friend

I miss things about him

Things others detest

Like his pranks

He had played

And devious mind

Continuelessly scheming away

His long wild hair

Like Samson the strong

In the Holy Book of God

But as this time has changed me

It has so changed him

He’s now quiet and slow

The demonic flame in his eyes

Has long since been extinguished

The gloating cocky smirk on his face

Has now fled far from him

His long black wavy hair

Was cut short on his head

Now his new dark out-look

That had replaced his enthusiasm

Matches his black Hot Topic attire and sarcasm

It hurts to see him like this

I had never known

I back then had thought to forgive him

For hurting me so

But now it’s me

Asking for the same forgiveness

I don’t think I disserve it though

Me and my lonely heart

I still hurt

But his hurt is worse

Than I want to imagine

I pray for him now

Every morning when I wake

And every night before I sleep

I’ve done this

Ever since I discovered the pain

The longing to make things right

It hovers over this poem and heart of mine

In the hopes he someday might read

I’m sorry old lover

For not understanding

I know it’s over

That good thing we had

And we’ll probably never get it back again

Yet sometimes I find myself

Thinking back to events long ago

And what it could have been

I want you to know I miss you

And that I will always be a friend

I wish you luck

And pray for blessing

So I guess now

When here I finally see

Here I take knee by this dried pool

I thought had been mine

But then it was yours

I feel strong enough now

To finally return here

Again and now say

Good-bye to the past

Good-bye my lost lover

I kneel down farther

Where I had once done

A long time ago before

Same spot, different girl

This stain on the Earth

I feel it now…

Your blood…

Now mine too

For this stain we now…

Shall share…

I’m sorry.

Your forgotten Lover’s prayer