Internet Japanese Name

By C.R. Diamond

When I’m on the Internet
I tend to look around
There’s something I don’t really get
That I have always found

Teenage girls of every creed
Teenage girls that like to read
Teenage girls looking for fame
Teenage girls changing their name

Jessica, Sam, Melissa
Judy, Pam, Calissa
Amanda, Kim, Kelly too
Jenny, Amy, Nelly turn to

Ayumi, Kairi Masako
Kani, Hikari, Takako
Tiny Sake, Aki, Maki
Taki, Ami, chocolate pokey

What’s with these far eastern names?
These Internet Japanese names
If they are real, maybe they’re hot
If they are fake, maybe they’re not
It’s kind of cool, and kind of lame
These Internet Japanese Names

When I’m on Internet day or night
These little women put up quite a sight
They like to say things like “Kawai”
Oh little women just let me be
When they say things like “Arigato”
It makes me really want to go

Teenage girls that like to write
Teenage girls that stay up at night
Teenage girls that read right to left
Teenage girls that are really deft

What’s with your online eastern names?
What’s with your Internet Japanese Names?
I know you really want to be like Watanabe
But you’ll die if you eat too much Wasabi
Japanophiles you’re all the same
With Your Internet Japanese Names

I know you love Japan
I know you are quite a fan
But you tend to obsess
When you should caress

I’m not pushing the blame
I’m saying that it would be nice
If you would only think twice
Before you choose your fate
Before you choose to create
Your Internet Japanese Name

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

Teenage girls want great big eyes
Teenage girls want yaoi guys
Teenage girls want to cosplay
Teenage girls want Sasuke

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

Teenage girls want samurai
Teenage girls want to fly
Teenage girls want to say
Teenage girls want Anime

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH!