AN: This is set to Anberlin, Day Late Friend.

I swear I could have felt your fingers around my heart, as icy and real as the could ever have been, though the fire for your touch burned inside of my mind just as the coldness clashed with the thoughts of warmth. I wished to understand you, I wished to understand me, but I know why we cannot be. Alas my heart yearns for someone that I could never claim as mine own, and I hurt in such unnatural ways.

You were the one I wanted for all time, and yet you never remembered my name, you couldn't look my way... Somehow though I always knew we were meant to be, somehow I knew you were in love with me. So many people laughed at my folly, but I could remember the smell of your hair and sound of your feet even when you ahd left me and all of us for a world we had yet to know. I watched you walk away, and my heart shattered, broke, that day. Funnily enough I forgot about my feelings for you, I grew and learned about things I thought I could never know and I saw another and took him as mine.

And then you returned.

So let me get this straight...

I turned to see your silhouette in the doorway, demanding my attantion as much as fearing it. Startled I feel the room tense, the air snaps and sparks where the intensity of your presence meets the longing of mine. How I want your arms around me, how this long dead flame burns anew. I hate you for it, but in the best of ways.

I feel the unshed tears well in my soul, just below my throat lost to the nothingness that will never let them fall. I wnat to reach to you, I feel my hand twitch...

Say now you loved me all along? What makes you hesitate to say with words what you really feel?

I know by the gaze in your eye and the set of your face... After all this time I can still read you like desire hidden in longing. And I realize for the first time in a long time, I miss you. I miss you like I miss the sun on rainy days and the rain during summer. I miss you like an adult misses innocence or a child misses their favorite toy. And I realize I want you. I want you just as badly as I did the day you left. All these years and I can't forget you, the way you hold my heart in your icy cold hands, warmed only by the thoughts that i know flicker through your mind as much as they do mine. I watch you as the days pass and realize I still love you.

You've grown tlaler, your hair has started to change color. You eat that food you swore you never liked before, but I know it's still you, though maybe not the same as I once knew. And we get lost in the world of our love, I'm touching you and your kissing me... but that's not how it should be. I reach out for you and cannot, held down by the hand of another, the hand of a woman who does not love me as I love you... and You want me, as you love me.

And I am ashamed by my thoughts of impurity, and yet... you are so much more than you used to be. You've changed and grown, and are so much more than I could imagine, all I've ever wanted wrapped into human skin.

Can't help but entertain these thoughts, thoughts of us together.

I remember the way my heart flamed for you, the way I still do. Yet I know this can never be. It should never be, not when we're tied down, me by she, you by he. And yet... we can taste this love at the edge of our tongues, can feel our hearts thrum in rythm at the edge of our sleeves. We're so close, yet so far... and it's killing me, I can see it in your eyes.

And when we're in the same room our eyes clash against each other like the way we both imagine our skin should be, our hearts carress the way our hand should, and still I see you nowhere near me, just further and further away as I linger in my own dbouts, because we are not the same. And there's someone in the back of my head, the front of your heart that always says that this is forbidden.

Damn them for refusing me you, the glory of which your return has been in, the way your clothes now fit just right, the way your eye glints in the moonlight, the way your laugh takes my breath away, and how you follow me wherever I go, because you can't stand to be alone.

No... You can't stand to be without me.

Could have been lover, but at least you're still me day late friend

Oh the agony of this love that has never always been meant to be. Your fingers still icy clasp onto me, the burning sensations meld with the coldness, and I'm stuck in the middle warring over whom I should choose, and then I look at you...

We are who we were when