365 Days of One Shots

Day 1,

December 1, 2007

30 Days to Live

Mike often told me that everything in this world happens for a reason. He would explained to me that if I happen to lose money it was probably because there was someone else in need of that a amount to buy food. He would gave excuses on how if I fail a test in school then it was a good reason for me to start renewing how I studied. I felt wonderfully acknowledged that he was just being a hopeless optimist.

However, now I have a question for him: what will you say to me Mike the reason why you are no longer here with me?

I walk around in the garden watering all the wonderful roses he had planted for me in this house we shared. I walk to the little bench he especially built for me to swing around during my spare time so that I could read to my heart's content. I roam my fingers from the little fake cherry blossoms to the wooden benches that he had carefully put together. All these memories I wonder what will happen after thirty days?

I want to see you Mike. Am I allow to see you now or should I wait after thirty days to be given that chance? I really can't wait anymore Mike, will you let me be with you?

No matter how I utter I believe it is no use because Mike wouldn't allow anything unnatural.

Twenty nine days left after a morning shine wake me. I smile again, one day had passed till the day I meet Mike. I enjoy my breakfast, my lunch, and dinner. I love the little birds that chirp outside my windows. I love the little sparkling leaves under the sun while the butterflies surround the blooming flowers. The powerful feeling of spring but yet why do my life only have twenty nine days left?

A week suddenly pass, still nothing to look forward to except the final day of judgment. Mike, I'll be there soon.

My parents visit me two weeks later. My mom cooks for me my favorite meal but I have no appetite. I didn't planning to eat much but seeing how weary my mother had become I felt like it is necessary to eat more. I eat and afterwards I throw up. I apologize but I couldn't help seeing her hiding away in the kitchen crying against my dad's shoulders. Leaning against the wall, I collapse and wish for a shoulder to cry upon too. I want you to be here Mike.

Two days left and I become sick in bed not able to eat anything. My immune system has slowly and slowly losing its strength. I refuse the hospital and like Mike I want a natural ending to occur. I look through the window at the universe outside. Everything seems to remain the same except me. The full nature continues to bloom with life. Mike, what reason shall that be that there are people who live while those who die?

Can you answer me that?

The last day I refuse to let anyone visit me. It is to the point enough already and I want to go alone. I don't feel like letting people see me going away. Even though it is very selfish but I dislike to see any more tears flowing. My heart is already filled with tears. I have thought about numerous things such as the parents that I will leave behind growing old without any one else after I go; the garden that Mike and I planted so hard during our ten years of marriage is abandoned by one, its death owner, and another soon to go; the little things that I still haven't done like having a baby, like buying clothes for my little babies, feeding them and seeing them grow.

I feel a certain amount of tears slowly clouding my eyes. Why out of all thirty days do I have to choose this time to let them out? Mike, what is the reason for that?

Before I begin to close my eyes the answer seem to rush through my brain. Mike probably would have answered me, "Ellen ah, there is a reason why I go before you. I'm weaker than you and if you had gone before me I would have gone with you and knowing that I won't meet you in heaven for God forbids those to take their lives away."

"Ellen ah, people can't always live forever. The earth can hold only certain amount of people. When you have enjoyed your life with the person you love then maybe, just maybe, letting go of that space for the next wouldn't be so painful?"

"Ellen ah, cry Ellen. Don't hold it in. The reason why you hold it in is because you love the people around you so much that crying scares you to think of them being hurt. Ellen ah, now that you are finally done with fighting, cry Ellen and free your heart. Maybe before you go, letting go of your stubborn will release you and death won't seem so hard."

Mike, you always have a reason for everything don't you?

However, can you answer my last question?

For my retired and poor parents. what is the reason that I left them behind without anyone else to love and care for them?

Can you really answer me my dear?

After all, death is the only thing that doesn't happen for a reason.