I knew life. It was year after year in a cold dark cell. It was sleep, eat moldy bread, and sleep some more. There is nothing else to life, at least nothing else in my life. I knew that I had lost all feeling, but I didn’t care. Everything was just a dreary day, the same as always.

The only difference was that I hadn’t died. I knew the stench of death but I was still alive. I had seen many die in my cell, but I continued on. At this moment there were two knew ones in my cell, one a little girl, and one a boy who seemed to have lost his mind. The boy would just stand there starring at the wall. At least I knew what was important, sleep and food. You must feel no pain and hunger but you must also be able to live to live. I knew this boy’s kind. I knew that he would probably die in a week or two. I could tell that he felt pain.

The little girl on the other hand wanted to live. I could see her struggle everyday to remember, to feel pain. She was one that thought that pain made you strong. I knew better. I knew that those who tried to live this way would break down. I knew that she would die. To live, you must not remember, you must not feel pain. I knew that the little girl would end up like the boy soon or be taken to the xatron, the machine for misbehavers. I could not remember if I had been there but I knew that I would rather not try. Better be safe than sorry.

Once you have released your feelings than things like your ankle being broken does not hurt. You live even though you can barley get around. I would crawl to get food since I couldn’t walk.

The other two didn’t have broken ankles. Sometimes I would catch myself wondering about that and then I would stop myself. I know that innocence is better, if I knew I might feel or break down.

The boy intrigued me though I must say. It seemed that the more I studied him the more it seemed that he was just acting, bidding his time. Maybe he was pretending in hopes of an escape effort. I could see that he was still eating unlike most of the broken ones. What was most strange is that sometimes I thought I caught him trying to catch a glimpse of me out of the corner of his eye. I never spoke to him, but I wondered about his strange behavior. I had not seen this come through before.

The girl I spoke to. I tried explaining that she must give up feeling and sense of being but she never believed me. She told me that her name was Lizzie and that she was the boy’s sister. She said that the boy’s name was Nathan. She asked about my name and I told her the truth, I truly didn’t remember or want to remember, it might break the barrier that I had built. So, the girl gave me the name Hope. She said that this name was in Hope of our escaping. What escaping is I don’t know. What I did know was that I probably would forget this name after she died. I would also probably forget her and her brother too, just like I had forgotten everybody else who had stayed in the cell with me.

I heard crying from somewhere. I knew that it was probably just another death, a regular routine for me. I smelled the fear around me as somebody screamed. I heard the screaming person beg not to be taken, taken to the xatron. It was everybody’s greatest fear to go to the xatron.

A couple sleeps later the girl, Lizzie, asked me if I would forget them when they left. I looked at her and told her the truth; As soon as they left the knowledge of them would slip behind my barrier. I would forget them forever.

Then, the boy Nathan spoke for the first time. He said that I should remember people. That everybody wanted to be remembered. He also asked if I would want to be remembered when I died. I, again, told the truth, that I would probably not die any time soon and that any cellmates that I had would probably not live very long after and so how could they remember me. I said that I truly didn’t care about being remembered.

Nathan then looked at me sadly. He told me that he would remember me for as long as he lived. I spoke again and told him that I truly could not stop my memory from going behind that barrier because I had been like this for so long. He looked at me and whispered are you Lily, the first one. I asked him, who are you talking about?

Nathan looked at me sadly and said my guess was right. You are Lily but don’t remember being her. He reached out and took my hand. He whispered to me that he promised he would get me out of here. He said that he was amazed that I had lived this long.

I asked how long and he said that the government (who in the world is that), had put me in jail when I was 13 for showing free-will against them. He told me that approximately I had been in this place for six years. He also said that if I was Lily that I would be 19. I asked how he knew Lily (or me if he is right). He said that he had fallen in love with Lily (or me I guess). He also said that everyone knew me; I was the first of the new government’s prisoners.

I wondered at this. The girl Lizzie looked over and said that she thought the war was almost over and then hopefully we would be freed. I asked her what war and Nathan answered that it was the war against the current government.

Like I have said before though, I have no feeling and so I did not feel truly puzzled at all, or scarred, or happy. I did not feel anything except that I was getting facts that might or might not be true. Facts do not make a person feel emotion, so I went to sleep after the little conversation thinking about the things I had been told.