BREAKIN’ UP

Fairy tales do not come true, after all it happened to you. Instead of riding together towards the sunset on a steed, the Prince you thought you had snagged ran off with your evil stepmother. The princess you might have saved from certain death ran off with one of the dwarfs. After all the sweet nothings, moonlit dinners and promises you are left stunned and nursing a broken heart.

The song does ring true, “Breaking up is hard to do”. But no one said that breaking up should break you. Regardless of the fact that you feel cheated and betrayed, there is always a graceful way of doing things.

Today, I will share with you insights about the graceful way to cope with a break-up. I would discuss typical reactions, self-therapy and value of support groups and of course, the possibility of loving again.

Let it all out it’s natural.

Typical Reactions to a Break-Up

A. Ok things to do

1. Rant and NOT rampage. Go on, bang your fists against the door. Scream the life out of you. It is normal for you to feel bad and angry at the person, who I will now refer to from here on as “The EX”. My talk is in the context of being dumped or cheated on, by expressing your feelings verbally it is a healthy way of releasing that anger. It will make you sane enough until the whole thing blows over. When you say what you feel, you make your feelings more tangible and in a way rational, and will keep you from bottling it up inside. However, it is not advisable to go berserk, run amok and all things synonymous with that phrase, like stalking her, clawing his face or staging a riot outside the ex’s place as a desperate last attempt to get back at him/her (or if you are still not over the relationship, get back together). Limit your tirades to the people who are close to you and who understand what you are going through. Do not disclose it to the person who just sat beside you on the morning ride to school or work, lest you be misdiagnosed with hysteria.

2. Stock-up on the Kleenex and weep a little. The EX really screwed you up. Do you not notice that after every break-up you feel like every break-up song was written for you and the ex and every love song reminds you of the time you and EX were still together? By this time, your lachrymal glands are really exercised and tears just flood the place. Just weep a little, remember the saying” Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone?” Keep the crying to a minimum and at the proper venue, not in a victory party or anywhere cheery.

3. There may be times that you have feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, panic, anger, loneliness and depression. These episodes may last and you must not be bothered by people who tell you that you should be over the EX a long time ago. Everyone has to get by with their own time clock. .

B. Uh-Oh , smells like trouble

1. Take up perpetual hibernation as an occupation. You think that the whole world sucks and you want to live the remainder of your life as a hermit. And maybe just by doing this you can be a legend in your own time…dream on. Aside from missing out on the latest things to happen, hibernating will only “feed” your depression. Go out with friends, get a new life, not hide under a rock.

2. Throw caution to the wind and splurge. When we talk about surrounding yourself with a support system to get you by, I did not mean booze or any substance that can alter your body’s normal functioning. After all, if you wish to drown your sorrows through drinking, I think you should know by now that these sorrows are pretty good swimmers. Shopaholics be warned- a break-up is not a valid excuse to whip up your credit card and be like Imelda Marcos, who was once addressed to as the “Mine” girl by a sales assistant at Bloomingdale’s in New York. Refrain from entering a shopping center fully loaded with emotional baggage and money at hand. Not only does the state of mind influence shopping savvy, you could end up wasting a lot of money.

3. On the Rebound? Think again. Despite your good intentions, you have to admit you are just trying to save face. Rebound relationships are doomed to fail because attitudes, especially yours may not be right.

4. Asking the question, “ What is wrong with me? . Do not even attempt to entertain this question. The reality is there is nothing wrong with you. Relationships may or may not work depending on a lot of circumstances and, the person who dumped you may have issues to deal with and the problem is not your personality but the Ex’s.

CPR for the Broken Heart

A. C is for Cleanse. Point, Click and Delete system. Throw out everything that reminds you of the EX. Any picture where he/she looks great and you look happy. Absolutely no contact should be made. Think of it as purging the EX from your system. Like a detox process.

B. P is for Plan. Sit down and go through what you want to do in life. This is a chance to revel in your new-found independence and do the things you had always wanted to do but never got the chance because you were to busy taking care of the EX. This is also a nice time to learn from a past relationship. Reflect on what you want to have in your future relationships and stick with it. Time also to list your goals, a way to keep you busy and forget all about the EX. Take up a new hobby, or engage in self-enriching activities. Discover the untapped talents you have.

C. R is for Rebuild and Renew meaningful relationships. Having people around you who can provide emotional support will boost your self-esteem and coping power. During a relationship we had prioritized the EX that we neglected our other relationships. This season of singleness can be a good time to renew and rebuild these friendships and family ties or you could just hang out with the new pet you had bought and named after your Ex’s current lover.

D. Isn’t R for Revenge? Don’t get mad, get even. Remember no EX is worth going to jail for if that is what the kind of revenge you had in mind. The most successful revenge you can ever pull off is to rise from the break-up unscathed and stronger. By being a better person after the break-up you may increase the chances of not getting together with a jerk like him or her again.

Slow and Steady is the Way to Go

A. Setbacks are common. There are days when you do not fell cooperative. It’s normal to be sidetracked. We are not programmed to be perfect. Work at your own pace and not on other’s opinions. You alone can truly tell whether you are healed or not.

B. Open up to the possibility of loving again.

So you got dumped, it is fine to feel hurt and bitter and become expressive of it. This new phase in a person’s life can be spent by filling in new roles and engaging in worthwhile activities. A person must cleanse, plan, rebuild and renew relationships as coping strategies for feelings of loneliness and insecurity.

Breaking-up does not mean that the world as you know it has officially ended. Relationships do not always work out as planned. We just need a healthy attitude to help us cope and also supportive friends and family. View every event in our lives as an opportunity for growth learning and maturity. We also must live with the fact that fairy tales, for most of the time do not come true.

NOTE: this was the speech that i delivered for our communication 3 requirement...i blew it up but it definitely looks good on paper...