bonjour, tout le monde - c'est moi (hi, everyone - it's me)! i won't post my pitiful list of excuses for why i'm not on the site much here, but i do hope you'll restrain from throwing cheese by reading something between a oneshot and a drabble - well, in my opinion. i honestly loved writing every minute of this, because it felt like it was just flowing out of my head, and the word choice isn't too bad either. if you've been craving some drama, tragedy, and Misty (eww, that sounds gross!) lately, read, review, and enjoy, s'il vous plaît!

Fade Into the Blue

Fifty seconds…that’s as long as I can possibly hold my breath for without passing out. Compared to entire minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and so on, that’s not an incredibly long time. But I feel it. You feel it. It’s a hidden eternity, where the world seems to increasingly spin slower and slower. That is barely less than a minute, where my life could potentially fade away.

Tonight was calm, with the weather pleasant, and the moon clearly visible from my bedroom window. I followed my usual routine, said “good-night” to my parents, and climbed into bed, thinking about you for a while to calm down my thought-filled head. The words you had told me when I left had involuntarily made me shiver. “Make sure you’re safe tonight, okay? I don’t want you to worry, but…” I won’t worry - it was a risk both of us willingly chose.

Your name was as clear as fresh snow to me…so familiar and a bit frightening, yet refreshing and intriguing at the same time. Everyday I fought that internal battle of “Should I just see what it’s like” or “Stick to what you know”. But that was simply wasting time, feeling myself become more and more scared. In the end, I had to experiment, didn’t I?

And to you, I was someone you wanted to be like. I was a dream that was out of your reach - until you caught me. We continue to revolve in this circle, completing what nothing else can give us. Surely something this strong cannot break, right?

With my eyes begging for sleep, I turned off the lights, snuggling deeper into my covers and wishing you were right beside me. I felt the cool blankets gradually warm up, regulating my temperature as I settled down. Tomorrow was another day, and things were going along as usual. Consciousness was dipping in and out, insomnia barely irritating me. I was at ease while shadows covered my resting body…

-

A pair of cold, rough hands hastily grabbed my ankles, the grip tight against my legs thrashing out of instinct. Before I could scream, more hands came above my face, covering my mouth and eyes. My heart shuddered in horror - they did come. Still, in my own home I could not escape. They were highly trained to prevent that.

“Tape the mouth - quick!” I heard the rip of the tape off of a fresh roll, and felt the sticky, cool surface slapped over my lips. “Where’s the damn blindfold?!” The same voice hissed threateningly into the darkness, my ears detecting their rushed movements around me.

“Here.” Although I had no clear vision to begin with, it was fitted on. At that moment, I let my body go limp. There was no need to fight because it would only cause myself more harm. If there was any hope left, it was held in your eyes. You were the only one who had control over them.

“Good - that kicking was pissin’ me off. Let’s go.” My bedroom window creaked as they slid it open, and I was carried away from my safe world in a sack they had stuffed me in.

-

“Ah!” I squeaked awkwardly, feeling my knees contact with the sturdy concrete below me. The chunks of debris digging into my palms were the least of my problems - I had to call for help before they sliced me open.

“Oh, Hide, you could smash up her pretty little face more,” one of the three girls persuaded knowingly, pointing a finely manicured finger at me. The scratches in my uniform, my hair disheveled, the blood trickling down my knee…they saw my truly weak and terrified self.

“No. I wanna save it for later…when I really need to break somethin’.” Her ice-cold blue eyes made me feel as if I had been plunged into Arctic waters. It was a kind of glare that would only be seen twice - once as a warning and the next as…

“Come on!” Another girl whined impatiently, laughing as she saw me force to swallow. “Just one more blow to the face…” She curled her fist up, taking a step towards me.

Raising my hand in a rather pathetic excuse for defense, I sat back, bracing for impact. But it never came - it was stopped just in time.

“Hide, don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

I felt a shadow over my head, both comforting and unexpected. Hearing my attackers gasp in shock, I gazed up. There you were…your brown hair a faint crimson in the sun, matching my blood. Those unique golden irises…I had almost mistaken them for the sun. I saw you everyday, but never like this.

“K-Katsu…?” The leader continued to stare speechlessly for a few more minutes, her expression barely hinting shame. It seemed as if she held more respect for him than the rest of the world. To me, it simply appeared like hidden admiration. Perhaps it was love and humanity struggling to be accepted.

“Stop picking on her. You know you’re wasting your time.”

She bit her lip, evading his all-knowing stare. Her followers waited in silence for any kind of signal - but she stood, lost in thought for several minutes. “And you’re makin’ a mistake,” Hide spat back before breaking into a run. The two girls were gone in an instant, trying to catch up.

You offered your hand to me, and I took it without a single doubt. Droplets of blood stained my uniform, and my entire body ached everywhere - except for my hand, held with such gentle care in yours. I studied your skin briefly. There were no signs of scratches, bruises, or any flaws visible to my eyes. You were nothing like I had expected.

“Sorry about that…” The apology was shy, even a bit embarrassed. You released my hand, and it dropped to my side dully.

“N-no, it’s fine!” I protested, flustered that I was causing you trouble. “It was probably my fault anyways-”

“Please.” That one word carried so much coldness and impact that I almost fell over. You turned your back to me, your shadow facing south. “Don’t think that you’re responsible for any of this.”

“Why?” I blurted out, taking a curious step closer towards you. I already knew your background, your family, your path - it was impossible not to know, from all of the stories. Somehow I had gotten tangled into all of it…and I was one hundred percent sure that it had something to do with me.

“Tsuyu-san…I’ll walk you home.”

Was that it? Was I only allowed to know that I had been a target for no apparent reason? Wonderful - you just had to continue with the mysterious act, didn't you?

-

Two months later, the second attack was launched. This time, I didn’t see it coming. From what I had been told, someone had intentionally drugged my food, and when I woke up, I was in the hospital. It was then that I knew it wasn’t coincidence - they wanted me dead.

“Tsuyu-san?” A soft knock at my bedroom door woke me up from my nap. Now, I was resting at home after three days in the hospital.

“Katsu…san,” I acknowledged you, adding on the honorific at the last moment. I wasn’t used to addressing you face-to-face.

You sat at the edge of my bed, taking in the surroundings around you - my awards and trophies, old stuffed-animals, posters of my favorite musicians and heroes taped to the walls. I probably seemed normal, or most likely plain from what my room said about me. Even the barely noticeable pastel-pink wallpaper under the posters screamed “I’m you average cutesy teenage girl!”. Was it the image I wanted to convey to you? There had to be something unique about me hiding around here…

“Are you feeling better?”

“Uh…for the most part, yes,” I answered politely, remembering that I was dressed in white flannel pajamas with hot-pink hearts. Not exactly the look I was aiming for, but I hoped you wouldn’t notice. “It’s been difficult to eat again, though.”

You let out a carefree laugh. “I bet it is.” Nervously, I joined in with you, hoping it wouldn’t seem odd.

“But,” I began when the laughter subsided, “I think my parents are going to have me transfer schools.”

“That’s stupid,” you added shortly after the last word left my lips. “You’re still not safe.”

I sighed, glancing at your golden eyes. “Then…what will lower the threat? I’m constantly scared about-”

In an instant, your finger was over my lips, silencing them. “Don’t speak about it. I know you’re terrified…and I’m sorry that I did this to you…”

My eyes grew large. It was you? I couldn’t believe that. Your words had to be lies. “That’s silly, Katsu-san - I probably was picked on for no apparent reason,” I fibbed lightly, hoping from the bottom of my heart that it was the truth.

You weren’t amused. Several seconds passed in silence, your stare locked on mine. The truth was eating away at you, torturing your soul - and it was revealed plainly in your golden eyes. Nothing else had ever made you want to open up more.

“I broke an agreement with my family and Hide’s…and now they won’t rest until you take your last breath.”

“An…agreement?” I repeated dully, still in shock from your most recent words.

When you looked away, pained, I knew that something was wrong - perhaps even against the rules. But I couldn’t let you carry the pain all by yourself. No one deserved that kind of loneliness.

“You know about my family.”

That they were the highest gang in this area? Yes, of course I knew - I had known since forever. They were both heroes and criminals - respected and feared. All I could do was wonder what you could have done - how did you do this…and more importantly, why was I involved?

“I am the oldest son, due to rule at the top of this family empire. Hide’s family has been the most loyal to us for several decades, and it was decided that-”

“You’re arranged with her.” I completed for you. “I still don’t see how that makes me her target?”

“I broke the arrangement,” you repeated, eyes fully intent on seeking mine. “Because I wanted to know people. I wanted to know you.”

Nothing could have stopped the awkward reaction that came out of me at that moment. I broke into tears, either from the dull pain of the drugs that had been steadily pumped into my system, or remembering the first time you entered my classroom. You wore such a misunderstood expression, with an air of detachment around you. But I was puzzled - how could someone like you belong to a family that was so infamous? I’ll admit, I was curiously drawn closer; unaware of the danger I was causing myself.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, regret deep in your voice. “I knew I was making a mistake-”

“S-stop it, please,” I cut him off, sobbing quietly. “You…have no idea…how relieved I am.”

Your eyebrows were raised, confusion clear in your eyes. “Hmm? What do you mean?”

My chest heaved in pain while I sucked in more air. Now, three long years of holding in my thoughts, dreams, and desires were about to be revealed to the person that I prayed to find freedom and content each year.

“A-always, I-I’ve thought that you were trapped in s-something that you had no control over…n-now, I’m glad because y-you’re free.” A weak smile formed on my lips. You watched me intently, as if you were afraid to touch me.

“Yeah, I am…and it wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. Yet, Hide still hasn’t gotten over it.” The reply sent a shiver down my spine. I remembered those eerie ocean blue eyes set on squeezing the air out of my lungs. “You can reject me now - then you’ll probably be safer. At least I’m still free.”

For some odd reason, I couldn’t meet your eyes and do as you requested. Perhaps it was selfish, but I knew that if we took separate paths, nothing would have felt as satisfying. Everything would have half of the desire and effort as before, and we would live endlessly with one word: why.

“I can’t.” Seconds passed on in silence as I studied your face for any expression of disappointment or agreement. “Because… I don’t want to let you live in your loneliness anymore.”

“Tsuyu-san, I-” You stared helplessly as more tears streamed down my cheeks.

Then, I didn’t know what had happened. Maybe it was because you had never seen something so pure. Maybe it was because you were scared as well. Or maybe it was because it was the only thing you had ever wanted to do. But regardless of why, I found myself being strongly embraced by you, allowing you to have something to hold on to for a few moments of peace.

-

“Do you know how stupid it was that you didn’t reject me?” I heard your voice playfully remind me.

“Yes.”

“Why’d you do it?” I remembered your warm breath near my ear.

“Because I loved you too much to turn you away.”

“You saved me, Tsuyu."

“That’s all I wanted to do…”

We had stopped. I had no clue where, but we had stopped. Judging by how long it had taken to get there, I was assuming that it was closer than I had guessed.

“Get out,” a cold voice ordered, kicking me.

I groaned, obeying, but lethargically. Once I had set my feet on the damp, frosty earth, I heard a click. Someone behind me pulled the blindfold off of my face.

All around me was still. My eyes wandered over the dark green grass beneath me, and the equally murky water before me. The sky above me was clear, allowing the moon to shine as brightly as possible.

“On your knees.”

Shivering, I followed the command. I was paralyzed by what my senses had taken in. Nothing had ever made my heart so frozen.

“You…make me sick.” Hide circled around me, slapping me as she stopped in front of my face. “Y-you don’t even know what you’ve got yourself into.”

I gulped, feeling the cold air against my stinging cheek.

“And, since you’re such a saint,” she continued, practically spitting the words into my face, “I figured you’d wanna save your pathetic excuse for love.”

Her assistants gripped my hands roughly and dragged me down towards the water. As my eyes darted around in panic, searching for any sign of help, I felt limp - someone was watching, further up a hill, against a tree. I couldn’t tell if it was to help me or gain some sort of entertainment.

“Here’s the deal,” Hide stated somewhat humanely once my feet barely touched the water. “The rest think that Katsu’s a traitor for breakin’ our promise. If you don’t wanna see him again, we’ll let you go - if you do, then you’re gonna have to let us take care of this…” A sinister smirk appeared on her face, only dimly lit by the moon.

I sat, shocked for a moment, taking everything in. Her deal…left me speechless. I knew you didn’t want to let go of me, and I selfishly couldn’t let go of you either. Taking a deep breath, I shook my head. “No, I can’t make that promise.”

She turned away from me, cursed, and kicked the dirt beneath her. “You know what to do,” she coldly ordered her assistants. “Put everything back on - and don’t forget to drug her.”

Without thinking, tears silently escaped from my eyes. As my senses began to disappear and all I knew was the frigid, smooth, water surrounding me, I began to count. 1…2…3…4…5….

And everything you did for me, I wouldn’t forget…10...11...

Every time I could call your name and see your smile…15...16...

The way you were free when you were near me…20...21

How much I had truly believed you were a part of me…25...26

Every word of yours that lingered in my head…30...31

And how much we had sacrificed for eachother…35...36

All I could do was look back, content at what I had given to you. I hoped that you would forgive me for putting myself in danger. But that’s what I had to do, no matter how terrified I was. I had to fade into you, forever…

...49...50

-

He waited until they were gone, satisfied with their job. His entire body felt numb, his throat aggravated from the nausea he had suffered through. His fingers clumsily reached for his cell phone in his jacket pocket. With one hand against the rough trunk of the tree to steady himself, he breathed in as much air as he could.

“They took everything away from me,” he whispered, his golden eyes not lingering from the calm ripples of the pond. “But that doesn’t mean that I’ll give into them.”

With cautious steps, he approached the pond, unafraid of what he would find…

random babble... c'est chouette, hein (it's great, huh)? hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i did writing it. a bientôt et au revoir (see you soon and good-bye)!