The Chronicles

of

Caitlin and Lizifer

Volume I:

Best Cake Ever

Liz sat staring vapidly at the television, remote in hand. Channels flashed before her at five second intervals. Having long abandoned hope of finding anything decent on TV during the day she had resorted to staring at the pretty colors while images filtered on the screen faster than her eyes could absorb them. A loud, pounding knock echoed through the apartment as someone came to call.

Liz: It’s open!

Caitlin opened the door and went directly to the fridge. Which she then opened and began to peruse the contents.

Caitlin: You got any eggs?

Liz: What for?

Caitlin: I need some eggs, I’m baking a cake.

Liz: Sure, second shelf on the right.

Caitlin: Thanks.

Caitlin takes the eggs and leaves. Liz returns to her TV watching. Minutes pass as Liz sits there mindlessly before a thought pops into her head.

Liz: Goddamnit! Now I want cake. I guess I will just have to make some then.

Liz turns of the TV and walks over to her kitchenette. She goes through the pantry. At last finding what she was looking for, she puts the cake mix she and caitlin proudly bought at the dollar store for 3 boxes for a dollar. Soon there were eggs, a measuring cup, a spoon, the bowl, the pans and the mixer joining the cake mix on the counter.

Liz: Something is missing...

She quickly reread the back of the box, which she had by now memorized.

Liz: That’s it! The oil!

Quickly, she threw open the pantry and began to riffle through all the various consumables she had not gotten around to consuming. After much searching she had yielded no oil.

Liz: Blast! How could I not have any oil? I could have sworn I just bought some. Oh well.

Liz strolls out of the apartment and across the hall. Without bothering to knock she enters Caitlin’s apartment.

Liz: Dude, I need some oil.

Caitlin: Oil?

Liz: Yeah, my bottle of it has mysteriously vanished. I could have sworn I had just bought a new bottle when we went grocery shopping.

A guilty look creeps over Caitlin’s face as memories flood into her mind.

Caitlin and Julio lay in bed. Candles are lit, porno music is playing softly in the background. Both were sky clad and tangled together. Julio whispered sweet nothings with his thick spanish accent in between kissing every inch of Caitlin’s body. Caitlin sat up all of a sudden.

Caitlin: I forgot something, wait here.

She pulled on a silk robe and ventured out into her kitchen. To her dismay, the bottle of cooking oil sat in the garbage, empty. Thinking fast, she pulled open the front door and went across the hall to Liz’s place. Entering a quietly as possible, she slunk her way into the kitchenette. All sneaky like, she pulled open the pantry and grabbed the unopened bottle of cooking oil. Once back in her own apartment, she smeared the oil all over her curvaceous body before jumping back into bed with her sexy spanish boy toy of the week.

Caitlin: I have no idea where your oil could have gone. But I’m pretty sure that you did NOT buy oil last time we boughts food stuffs. Feel free to take as much of my oil as you need.

Liz: Thank you.

Liz grabbed the bottle which sat on the counter. It was too late when she noticed the bottle was glistening in a way that no plastic bottle would glisten under normal circumstances.

Liz: Dude, how the hell did you manage to get oil ALL over the OUTSIDE of the bottle.

Caitlin: That’s none... I mean... I’m special, okay?

Liz burst into laughter, almost spilling oil on her self as she poured the specified amount required into a measuring cup.

Caitlin: Don’t laugh at me!

Liz: all right, I’m sorry.

Liz wiped away tears with greasy hands, leaving a streak of oil on her cheek.

Caitlin: So why do you need the oil again?

Liz: Oh, I’m baking a cake.

Caitlin: Copy cat!

Liz: I’m not copying you, I just felt like eating cake.

Caitlin: Fine! Well, I’m not going to share any of mine with you then.

Liz: That’s okay. Mine’s going to be way better than yours will anyway.

Caitlin: No it wont!

Liz: Yes it will!

Caitlin: Get out of my apartment!

Liz: I don’t want to be in your smelly apartment any more any ways. It smells like Rio’s butt!

Caitlin: gasp

Liz stomps out of the apartment feeling triumphant as she slams the door shut. Back in her own apartment she set about making the cake. Pouring the cake mix into the bowl, adding the oil and cold water and three eggs. As she mixed her concoction with the mixer a thought once again forced it’s way into her thick skull. She grabbed the phone off the wall and dialed the number.

Caitlin: Hello?

Liz: Dude, I just got the best idea.

Caitlin: Why didn’t you just come over here and tell me.

Liz: That’s so far away...

Caitlin: So what is this idea?

Liz: What say you to making a quadruple layered cake?

Caitlin: Oh my GOD! It would be the best cake ever! And we shall dub it: Icarus the Mighty Leader of CakeLand!

Liz: Excellent!

Caitlin: So when your cakes are done, bring them over here with some icing.

Liz: No, bring yours over to my place.

Caitlin: Why your place?

Liz: Because I meant what I said about your place smelling like shit.

Caitlin: It does?! gasp

The sound of an aerosol can being sprayed can be heard over the phone.

Liz: Dude, if you get Febreaze® in the cakes, rendering them inedible, I will kill you.

Forty minutes later, Caitlin strolled into Liz’s apartments with a cake in each hand and her jumbo tub of vanilla icing under one arm. The girls quickly set to work layering the icing on thickly to make sure each layer of cake stuck firmly. As they worked, this beast of a cake took form. With each layer it towered higher and higher. At some point they realized that their cakes were not all the same size. As a result their behemoth of a cake was lopsided and it was a wonder it didn’t topple over.

When their creation was finished they stood in awe of it before they dug in. At first Caitlin cut them each a normal sized piece. As Liz devoured her piece in two bites and sat staring at her empty plate Caitlin reassured her.

Caitlin: Don’t worry, we’ll be having more.

Liz grinned devilishly as Caitlin cut two more pieces of cake. Or rather cut the cake in half. They began to eat with their little dessert forks but soon moved on to bigger things, dinner forks. When those would not do they resorted to just eating with their hands. They sat on the floor of the kitchenette with icing up to their elbows and all over their faces.

Liz: I can feel the sugar coma coming on but I don’t care.

Caitlin: Why didn’t we think of doing this years ago?