(A/N: I smell my first lemon. Well… actually my third, but this is the first I actually had the guts to finish.)

Repetition

It’s quiet. The sky cries around me, crystal drops fall. I wonder if they’re attempting to recreate my tears. They stream down my eyes, pools falling at my feet.

How could I have done this to myself? I think to myself. How could I ever have hurt myself like that?

The blade had looked so beautiful against my pale skin, ice against dirt. The light shone upon it, letting rainbows out to play on my too-thin body. A press downwards and in, a line of red, almost able to be pulled off as a scratch, and a slash across.

I couldn’t feel the pain at all; my body was too numb. I just let the blood run, but it wasn’t enough to release my pain. The blood clotted and I slashed again. And again. And again.

By the time I had realized that it wasn’t helping me feel better, I had slashed all up my forearm and onto my upper arm. It wasn’t helping me; I needed something else.

I pulled a jacket over my arms, my wrist stinging with cuts, and left my room. My parents wouldn’t care where I was going, even if they were home.

The skies were graying, and I know they would begin to leak sooner rather than later, but I didn’t care. I found the truck-stop easily; I had known where it was all along, but yet, I had never been. I knew where the little red car was that was my best friends, but I just walked to the first massive semi and knocked.

Knock knock. It resonated.

The door creaked open and an enormously fat man was there, looking at me, chewing on tobacco.

“You a virgin?” he asked me, not caring for my name, or my age. I could see he was in his forties, smoked, probably drank, and has probably had this done to him before.

I nodded and my short black hair bobbing. He grabbed my forearm and pulled me into the cramped truck and undid his pants.

I pulled off my jacket and the rest of the garments that adorned me. Everything was black with no other color. I was completely naked in front of a man whose name I didn’t even know.

I sit myself on him, letting him penetrate me.

I’m having sex with a man whose name I don’t even know.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

It’s quiet. The sky cries around me, crystal drops fall. I wonder if they’re attempting to recreate my tears. They stream down my eyes, pools falling at my feet.

How could I have done this to myself? I think to myself. How could I ever have hurt myself like that?

And repeat.