Those last couple of weeks,

I couldn't look at you,

It hurt too bad to see you in pain

And not be able to help you.

All that time,

I never cried,

I refused to believe that it was happening,

That you were dying.

I couldn't stand to be in the same room as you,

I'm so sorry for that.

We could all see how frustrated you were

At not being able to communicate,

You were able to talk to all your grandchildren,

Except me,

Your baby,

Because I wasn't around enough when you were able to talk,

I was just so scared,

I didn't know what to do,

I felt so terrible.

I love you so much,

And I feel like you died without knowing that.

If I could live my life over,

One of the things I would do

Is I would come visit you everyday,

I wouldn't hesitate at all about getting on that bike you bought me

And riding down the street to come talk to you,

I would go on more walks with you,

And let you teach me to sew and how to cook,

I would enjoy every second of my time with you.

You always did so much for me,

I just wish I could have done more for you.

Sometimes I drive by your house

Just to see if your car is there,

Hoping to see that you are there,

And I remember family get-togethers at Christmas and Thanksgiving,

How we all used to sit around the long dining room table

And you sitting at your spot at the end,

I don't much like holidays now,

There not the same without you,

Our family is hardly even together anymore.

We all miss you so incredibly much.

I'd give anything to spend even just 5 more minutes with you,

To talk to you,

To hold your hand,

To give you a hug,

To just see your face again.

I love you so so much.

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10/9/07