And I can't get the blood stains off my hands

The guilt and shame won't wash away

I'm sitting awake here in my house

It's midnight, and you're still on my mind

I wonder what you're doing , where you are

And I know I'm just being romantic

But I pretend that you think of me

Though I know that you're probably with her (You're smiling again)

Does she make you happy?

Is she all you want?

Do you love her?

I wish that you would love me

I'm trying to watch TV, but I'm distracted

I'm too scared to go to sleep

What if I dream of you again?

That same dream

Where color turns to grey

And grey turns to sparkle

In this funny gloom that appears when one realizes they're alone

I'll tell you everything if you asked

I used to wish that you would notice my arms

Maybe you'd ask

And we'd get to talking

But the only one who noticed was him

So I lied

"It's my cat, sir. She's insane, she claws up my arm."

A rather pathetic lie, but saved the day

She jumped in, with yet another ridiculous story

About how those odd marks appeared on my left arm

A new excuse everyday

Fencing, Cats, Cooking.

Oh how deft I became

Still, I wish you might have seen

But you only saw those days I did something stupid

The days I messed up

I should be doing homework

But when I try to write all that comes out is your name over and over

I don't think any of my teachers would appreciate that

Considering it doesn't exactly relate to French notes

Though in a way I suppose it does

If we think about who you were

No, not were, are

I need to remember that you're a real person (I can't touch you, it can't be real)

You're more than just the object of my fantasy

Of my infatuation

You feel, you hurt, you cry, you laugh, you hate, you love

Humanity locked inside a paper heart

Though you won't let me near

Too young

Too fat

Too ugly

I'm not right for you

I know, and I'm sorry

I want to be perfect for you

But those scars

They just won't fade

There's the ones on the outside

I can hide them

But the deepest cuts will never heal

Because I made them in my heart

With a special kind of razor (suicide, just for you, walk away)

You slightest touch tore gashes in my soul

The idea of you being more than just the man I see every day but can never touch

Was simply baffling

I'm so confused and twisted

It's filling up those empty spaces

I used to run to the thought of you when I was afraid

The thought of you

Yeah, the thought of you

I'm not afraid to face the future while you're by my side

But I fear the slightest shadow when you're away

I should be fencing right now

For that damn speech

Yet instead I'm thinking of you

Your laugh

Your smile

Your eyes

Even your sarcasm

And your bitterness

I think we're all disillusioned

I'm told that happens when something new occurs that changes your perspective

There's a fire in us

But is it enough to conquer the world?