Author's Note: I really need to stop revising everything I write before I even make it through eight chapters, but you know... Here's the revised edition of Landon and Carrie's story. By the way, I love reviews and they're quite useful so please review!

June 4, 2006

I went to the park today and crossed the familiar path to the swings, reminiscing every step of the way. Memories of Landon and I bombarded me, lengthy talks, him pushing me on the swings, playing in the sandbox. Memories of Daddy bringing me here when I was 5, informing me I was his little girl and making me promise never to forget.

Every recollection brought tears; they began gradually, but with every step they grew superfluous. Thoughts of how desperately I wished everyone would just come back home and everything would go back to normal consumed me. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything normal about life anymore, maybe there never was. All I know is that Daddy’s gone and Landon’s leaving. My efforts at normalcy are completely futile.

When thoughts like these begin pulsing through my brain I turn to either the swing set, Landon, or I pull out my headphones and blast Beethoven in my ears. Today, as you’ve probably already guessed I chose option one. Swinging is like my drug, or anti-drug if you would like. It’s what I do in order to forget and still retain control. Thus, on this crisp June day I find myself frantically pumping my legs in an effort to feel like I'm flying and to break free from the horrendously awful emotions and thoughts pounding through my brain at an allegro tempo.

I guess I’m better at forgetting than I thought I was because the next thing I remember is Landon calling my name. When I replied he came and stood directly in front of my swing with his arms folded making it clear that he wanted me off my swing. I’d been on the ground for all of two seconds before Landon had me in his arms, cogently reprimanding me for leaving without telling my mother. He then kissed my forehead before releasing me, to my regret. Of course, once I realized it was regret I shook my head to clear it of its terrible thoughts. After all, Landon’s leaving in a couple of days and there’s no sense in making this more complicated than it already is. See, Landon has determined that it would be a good idea to join the Army and Daddy- well, Daddy’s dead. He was a Marine whose helicopter was shot down on one of his missions and I haven’t seen or heard from my Daddy ever since.

This whole thing with Landon leaving started in February. It was a completely inconspicuous day. I went to school, was bored to tears and irritated because people are dumb, and then I was on my way to AP Biology- the biggest mistake of my high school career…

“Hey, Care, what are you doing after school?” Landon questioned, hurrying to catch up with me.

“Killing myself,” I cheerfully replied looking murderously down at my books.

Landon’s face tightened infinitesimally before smoothing out and looking at me with an amused expression.

“Why? What’s up?” I questioned worriedly.

“Oh, nothing really,” he tried, but at my pointed glare he corrected himself. “I really need to talk to you about something, but… Well, I wish you were in a good mood.”

Landon gave me his sheepish, ‘Don’t be mad!’ smile and I immediately knew something was up. The last time he’d given me that smile he’d backed my car into my mailbox. Needless to say, I was not pleased, but his smile tends to get him out of any trouble he falls into.

“Yes?” I questioned.

“I’ll tell you later. Promise,” he paused waiting for my acknowledgement. Reluctantly I gave it. “I’ll pick you up at-”

“Five,” I interjected quickly. “Lunch was terrible!”

He laughed, genuinely this time, earning a smile from me. “Alright, Care, pick you up at five,” he said and with a quick kiss on my forehead he disappeared down the long and crowded hallway.

I walked the rest of the way to AP Bio with my head in the clouds, trying to puzzle out what stupid thing Landon had done this time. Especially since he was buttering me up with food. I don’t know who said that, “Food is the way to the man’s heart,” but while they might be right, it would be a lot more accurate to say that, “Food is the way to anyone’s heart.”

A sudden poke that felt more like a stab jolted me out of my thoughts. A scowl found it’s way onto my face as I looked up to see my best friend Aubrey looking down at me with a teasing smile already on her face.

“I was yelling at you in the hallway and you completely ignored me, but it’s okay because I know what you were thinking about!” she sang out her words.

My scowl deepened, “Oh really?”

“Yep, don’t think I didn’t see Landon’s absolutely adorable kiss placed on your forehead.” Aubrey sighed playfully, “And you fail to understand why people are so convinced the two of you are together!”

“We’re just friends, Aubrey.” That phrase has come out of my mouth more times than I care to count. It just goes to show the dangers of living in a small town; people think they know your life and relationships better than you do. It’s terribly annoying.

“I know that, but other people don’t. I mean really, sweetie, if you saw two people as close as you and Landon giving each other hugs all the time. Him giving you kisses all the freaking time. It’s seriously like a fairytale. Everyone can see that he’s your Knight in Shining Armour. Except you.”

“Oh for goodness sakes, Aubrey! Would-”

But Mr. Carter’s annoyingly monotone voice interrupted our argument. I’ve made it many times to her, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Aubrey and the entire rest of the school maintain this incredibly deluded idea that Landon and I are together. Aubrey says that it’s due to all of the hugs, the time spent together, and the kisses on the forehead. I say it’s because these people are stupid idiots who have too much time on their hands and therefore have to meddle in other people’s business.

Five o’clock could not roll around fast enough. I was absolutely starving, but I still spent an hour trying to decide what to wear. Stupid, really, considering all the time I spend telling people Landon and I aren’t together and yet I’m more meticulous when I go out somewhere with him than I am when I go out with some guy I do like in that way… It’s just one of those things I’ve always done. Plus, Landon tends to take me out to a nicer restaurant than my stupid dates. Of course, Landon doesn’t usually take his dates out in the same style as me either. I guess it’s one of those respect things, like you have to earn a better evening or something in a man’s book. Or boy’s book, I guess it would be in this case…

As usual Landon was perfectly on time. My doorbell rang at exactly 5:00 and I ran downstairs quickly leaving my purse upstairs. I figured there was no reason to go back and get it because Landon would take care of me so I cheerfully answered the door, saying, “Well, are you ready to tell me yet?”

“You look nice too!” Landon fake smiled at me.

“Aww, thanks! Now, really, what’s going on?” I demanded as we made our way to Landon’s truck. He opened my door and helped me in but refused to answer my question.

“Carrie, sweetheart, do me a favor, okay?” I looked at him curiously, trying to figure out what this favor was going to entail. “Don’t ask me any questions. I’ll tell you when I’m ready to tell you.”

Reluctantly I nodded. “Fine. Oh, and you really do look nice, by the way.” I was lying, Landon looked great. You would have to be blind not to notice. His navy blue button down shirt looked remarkably good against his miraculously still tan skin and gorgeous dark hair.

“Thanks, Care. You really do too,” Landon looked over at me. “Actually, you look beautiful.”

I beamed, “Thanks!”

“Anytime.”

“So…”

“Carrie! I said not to ask.”

“Well, I just want to know when are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I whined.

“After dinner, Carrie. Promise.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized meekly, “it’s just, I’ve been wondering what this is about all day!”

“I know, Carrie. I just- I need a little more time.”

So very reluctantly I allowed Landon to direct the conversation through dinner. We talked about completely useless things and stuff like school and the influx of college mail pouring into my mailbox all of a sudden. I guess it wasn’t as bad as I’m making it sound, being with Landon is never bad, it’s just I really wanted to know what he wanted to talk about. Of course, that was before he told me…

“Alright Landon,” I started as soon as the waiter cleared our dinner plates, “cut the bullshit and tell me what’s going on.”

Landon laughed weakly, “Well, Care, you know I love you, right?” I nodded even as my brain registered the tinge of desperation in his voice causing me slight concern. “You know I would never do anything that would hurt you, right?”

“Right, but Landon, what’s-“

“Let me finish, please Carrie.” I nodded in acquiescence although this conversation was already causing tears to well up in my eyes. Landon’s gorgeous gray eyes were pleading with me to understand as he continued, “I did something you aren’t going to like-“

“You got a girl pregnant?!” I practically shouted as my mind drew the worst thing I could think of to mind.

“NO!” Landon’s heated answer calmed my racing heart. “No, Carrie, listen!” Landon snapped.

“Sorry,” I apologized submissively.

“It’s okay, just- geez, Carrie! I’m not even dating anyone! I can’t believe you would think I would do something like that!”

“Well, you haven’t told me anything and other than joining the stupid Army, that’s the worst thing you could do. But you wouldn’t do that, so what is it?” I prattled on oblivious to Landon’s growing discomfort.

“Um, Carrie-” he paused uncertainly giving me time to examine his face.

“You didn’t…” I trailed off, shaking my head no, “did you?” I questioned uncertainly. I thought back to earlier in the year, Landon’s sudden interest in getting into great shape, his startling hair cut... At the time I’d thought he wanted the .5 of the female population not already in love with him to become that way, but now… “Landon, please, please tell me you didn’t enlist,” I choked out.

“Carrie, let me explain,” Landon began, but that was all the explanation I cared to hear. I was already sprinting out the door even leaving my coat in the restaurant so the February air probably should have shocked me out of my rage. Unfortunately it didn’t work and so I began the ten mile trek home on foot with sobs impeding my breathing, the tears destroying my ability to see, and my mind was racing too fast to make a whole lot of progress anyway.

I made it about a quarter of a mile before my sobs ceased wracking my body too hard to let me move properly and before the cold started to get to me. I cursed myself then for not going back for my purse but it really hadn’t occurred to me that what Landon wanted to talk about would be so traitorous that I wouldn’t want to be around him. I probably could’ve handled him getting a girl pregnant- better than this anyway.

“Stupid Landon and his stupid hero worship of Daddy,” I mumbled irritated before stopping myself abruptly. NO. I corrected myself mentally, Daddy was a hero, but Landon is not supposed to follow blindly in his footsteps. I nodded, happy to have found a solution that insulted Landon while keeping Daddy up on a pedestal where he’s been since I was old enough to comprehend life at the most basic of levels.

Headlights from behind suddenly illuminated the path in front of me. As the vehicle audibly slowed I began simultaneously praying both that it was Landon and that it wasn’t.

Luckily it was Landon, my mind is clear now, months after the incident, and I’m quite thankful it wasn’t some rapist or kidnapper or anything creepy like that. Unfortunately at the time I was rather resentful… Okay, incredibly resentful. I was angry though! Rightfully… Well, in my opinion, anyway.

“Carrie, would you please get in the car,” Landon implored. Reluctant to be too similar to Elle Woods before her Harvard transformation, plus my hands were going numb, I relented quickly.

“I’m sorry,” Landon apologized once I was seated and buckled up.

Studiously I ignored him, my arms defiantly crossed and my face pulled into a pout I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to give him anything. Not even unhappy ranting.

“Carrie,” Landon entreated, but I was fuming, internally, of course, and therefore refused to answer.

How could he do this to me? was running through my head on a continuous loop. I couldn’t, no, I refused to believe that he would do something so stupid.

“Carrie Ann! Would you please let me explain? And listen with an open mind?” My scathing glare was all the response Landon got. “Please, Carrie, I need you to listen to me!”

“Why should I?” my words were short and clipped and voiced in the most emotionless voice I could muster.

“Because I’m your best friend and you love me,” Landon tried. My blank stare told him what I thought of that reasoning. “Because I need to explain it and you need to hear it,” Landon tried again.

“I’m not so sure I can handle hearing you tell me how you’re throwing your life away for some completely idiotic and presumably noble reason,” I responded, finally caving to my inner longing to tell Landon exactly what I thought. “Especially since I’m guessing this has something to do with that promise you made Daddy before he left that last time. Am I right?” my scornful tone might have been a bit much I realized noticing Landon’s shaking white hands clenching the wheel in a death grip.

“Carrie, please,” Landon’s strained voice cracked my resolve a bit. He pulled off to the side of the road and turned so that he was facing me. I wished it was darker outside so the tears in Landon’s eyes wouldn’t be visible therefore taking away their ability to make my heart break. “I made your dad a promise that I would always take care of you, Carrie-”

“And how the bloody hell are you supposed to take care of me if you’re on the other side of the world?” I yelled outraged.

“Let me finish!” Landon’s raised voice shocked me. He never yells, ever. Hard to believe considering I yell all the time and he’s my best friend.

“Alright,” I accepted, slightly subdued.

“This war is escalating, Carrie, and there’s a very good chance they’re going to bring the draft back anyway. The way I see it, I need to join now or I’ll be pulled out into something I don’t want to do.”

“That wouldn’t happen for a while!” I muttered angrily.

“Maybe so, but that’s really not the point. If they start the draft up again and people find all the loop holes they did last time- Carrie, what if they add women to the draft?”

“I’ll refuse to fight,” I responded calmly. “I would rather go to prison than serve in this stupid war!”

“But Care, your dad died for his country and a cause that he believed in. Don’t you think winning this war would be the best way to honor him memory?” Landon paused to allow his words to sink in. He probably needn’t have bothered at the time because it took weeks for his words to sink in. “Carrie, seriously, think about it. What would your dad want?”

“Daddy always wanted me to be happy! Mom and I both are going to worried sick about you every day that you’re gone Landon! I need you-” my voice broke and tears began flowing again. “Please don’t leave me,” I choked out as his arms wrapped around my shaking body and pulled me as close to him as he could.

“I’m sorry, Carrie, I’m so sorry,” and in Landon’s voice I could hear his tears so I knew he was telling the truth. I also knew that he wasn’t sorry for enlisting only for the pain it was causing me that he had done so. “Please, Care, I need you to understand why…” His tears began to wet my hair while his shirt was already drenched on one shoulder. My breath was coming out in raggedy gasps as I tried to calm myself at least a little, enough to respond.

Landon reached down below his seat and pulled the lever to rocket him backwards and then pulled me sideways onto his lap. “I love you, Care, I swear I would never do anything to hurt you. You do know that, right?”

“Yes, it’s just… Did you really not think this would hurt me? I mean, Landon, you’ve been my best friend since I was born! You’re like the only reason I’m even capable of functioning properly anymore! If you aren’t here- Landon, I need you. Please, please don’t leave.”

“Carrie, I have to! I can’t leave this war unfinished! Your dad deserves more than that!”

“He deserves a daughter whose heart is in one piece! Well, two, I guess, but I that’s beside the point,’ the tears streaming down my face felt never ending even as Landon vainly tried to reassure me that he would be fine, that we would be fine. He stroked my hair gently and rubbed calming circles on my back.

“Please, just take me home,” I said after finally pulling myself back together enough to respond to him.

“Okay,” Landon’s face revealed regret but my heart was in too much pain to care.

When we got home Landon made like he was going to come in to no doubt to try and smooth things over, but I shook my head. “No, Landon, I can’t. I need to be by myself for a bit.”

Landon’s face feel but he didn’t protest. “I'm really sorry I hurt you, Care.”

“That doesn’t mean a whole lot since you’re still going Landon.”

“I know.”

I allowed him to pull me into a tight hug and place a kiss on my forehead before pulling away and walking into my house alone.

Although I felt bad because I knew Landon was hurt, I didn’t look back. Nor did I talk to him for about two weeks, which was rather painful for many reasons.

One of those was all of the questions:

“Did you and Landon break up?”

“NO, we were never together,” was my constant response, although there was usually a mental you stupid imbecile following.

Even worse though was the…

“So, now that you and Landon are like over, like do you think he’ll like go for like me?” which typically came from some slutty whore with big boobs.

My response for that one was a bit more creative, “No, Landon’s into guys now,” which actually worked until Landon punched a guy who thought he’d try to steal a kiss.

That same day after school Landon had caught up to me. He grabbed my arm and spun me back towards him. “Carrie Ann, how many times do I have to apologize? I know you needed your space, but Care, please! Do you think I’m just your best friend and that you’re not mine? It’s not like I’m going to be here all of this year, Carrie. We shouldn’t waste it…”

Those words struck a chord within me. I’ve always regretted not spending every possible minute with Daddy and I’ve no desire to make that mistake again.

I’m guessing my emotions played out on my face because the next thing I knew I was in Landon’s arms whispering, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” over and over again while Landon’s hands rubbed soothing circles on my back again.

Every day since I’ve spent time with Landon. Seriously, if we were inseparable before we are now Siamese twins, attached at the hip. I’m already praying for him due to my incredibly large ability to worry.

Aubrey is insisting now more than ever before that Landon and I are meant to be and there have been three new influxes of rumors. I’ve heard everything from, “He cheated on her,” to “They’re getting married,” to “She’s pregnant.” No one seems to have figured out the truth but tomorrow is graduation and Landon leaves in two weeks, June 18th. Everyone will know here soon although the rumors will probably linger. They tend to do that around here. Sometimes it seems like rumors become facts. The problem of living in a small town, I suppose.

Carrie Ann