Chapter 20

Birthday Surprises

“Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness.”

-Ayn Rand

“I’ve been thinking about dating Oliver,” Kate said casually, one day, while riding the bus to practice…a little too casually.

My head just about snapped off my neck. “You, WHAT?”

Kate’s face looked a little shocked for a second, then smoothed out evenly, free of guilt.

“Well, he’s single, and I’m single,” she said, shrugging. “I wonder if there’s any truth in what you’ve been saying. I’d love to know if the whole size thing is true.”

Andrea’s face had gone into a full-on mouth drop. Vera looked anxious. Cara looked guiltily downward. They knew! They all knew she’d been planning this! They must have known she’d be too damn bold to keep it quiet.

The idea made my head spin: Kate and Oliver?! This could not be happening! I knew Kate and I weren’t too close, but the fact that she’d even consider doing anything like that felt like a stab right through the back and the heart. I wanted to cry, run, scream, and possibly beat the hell out of her. I’d lock Oliver in chains if I had to, to get her away from him. It couldn’t happen, could it? Our builds were the same, but personality?! Could Oliver ever really do it with her? Could he have a similar connection to her?! What about sex? She wanted it, he wanted it. They could probably go at it without a single thought beforehand. Maybe they didn’t care who it was. I never wanted to think of Oliver that way. I feared that Kate had already asked him, and was merely informing me of what was going on. It just couldn’t happen!

“Kate…,” I began, almost at a loss for words. “You can’t,” I said, my voice cracking a little, “You just can’t! How could you even consider it?! Kate, I’m sorry, but please don’t do this. Leave Oliver alone, ok? Please! Just,...no. Please don’t even try, ok? Oliver is…he’s….just please don’t, ok?” I was pleading. Oliver, my first love couldn’t be taken by her!

Kate looked undeterred and I was close to tears. Vera caught my eye. She must’ve seen the tears swimming, because she said, “Just, let’s cool it, ok, guys? Kelly really doesn’t want it, and I don’t blame her. But honestly, they are single,” she admitted, looking at me. “Look, maybe there’s more to this than we know, ok? If she doesn’t want Oliver with anyone else, that’s her opinion. It all basically comes down to his decision.”

Leila decided to speak, “Well, even though you don’t necessarily have claim over him, you do have a right to ask someone to lay off a little,” she said, looking at me. “There’s emotional stuff here, and you guys are friends. How would you feel if she went with Josh?” she asked Kate.

“Well, I really wouldn’t care. I mean, honestly, he can do whatever he wants…” Kate started.

“Kate,” I said, with every sound my frozen throat could make, “Please just don’t, ok? I know I don’t have the right to tell you who you can and who you can’t date, but this is serious. Please. As one of my friends, please don’t do this.”

Kate looked mutinous. She would rather give up the friendship than good sex, and it was perfectly clear to everyone. I didn’t care. Oliver just couldn’t be with her. I’d call up every man in the state to be her fuck buddy if that’s what it took to get her away from Oliver. I wanted to cry so badly. Only one tear fell, and I was facing the window. I would call him later tonight, and ask him about it. My cell phone stayed clutched in my hands, and I had to use every drop of anything I had left in me to keep from calling him right that second.

That practice, I swam my hardest. I was nearly the first one to every wall, and made a point to stay close to Kate, to swim right by her without a thought, and swim faster. I felt I had to beat her in every way now. I flew by her several times. While practicing flip-turns, I didn’t cough once, even though I hadn’t got the breathing down. My brain was full of water, and I was in a lot of pain from my nose.

In the locker room afterwards, Vera said, “Holy shit, Kelly, did you EVER come up for air on those twenty-fives?” We were in the shower, sharing shampoo, as we usually did.

“Barely,” I wheezed. I hadn’t breathed nearly enough during practice, and every inch of me was aching, though not nearly as much as my heart. It was amazing how you could burn off about 450 calories in one hour of swimming, and still feel like there was a weight in your stomach after two of them.

“Yeah, you were flying out there today. Is everything ok?” Ursula asked, concerned. She had seen me come up for air after a drill, and wipe my eyes from inside my goggles. My wheezy voice didn’t help either. She knew something was wrong.

“Nope, I’m fine…just feeling a little more competitive today.” Kate’s head, bent over the water extractor, had gone still to listen. I bit back a retort. I shouldn’t provoke her, and have her want him more, out of defiance.

After Kate had gathered her things, and the rest of us were all drying off, Vera said quietly, “You were kicking Kate’s ass, more specifically.” She was blunt, but knowing.

“Yeah, well, I felt like I couldn’t breathe half the time today so I guess I’m in the right sport.” I was pissy and exhausted. Everything felt wrong, and it sucked. My body was aching. My head felt full, and my heart felt stretched. My eyes felt dry and itchy.

We all got on the bus, and Diamond put her head in my lap. We sat in the way back, to not be overheard. “I heard everything,” she said, looking up at me, her blue eyes sympathetic, and her wet blonde hair stuck to her forehead. “It really sucks. To tell you the truth, though, I don’t think he will. Oliver’s horny, but not stupid. He’s a gentleman. He may want sex, but not with her. He wouldn’t go for Kate.” I must have looked doubtful. “I’m not saying she won’t try, but it’s less likely.”

I leaned back, and swept her soaked hair out of her eyes affectionately. “Thank you. I’ve been feeling like shit all day.”

“I get it,” she said, empathetically. “I haven’t loved anyone like that yet, but I don’t think what you’re feeling is unjustified. In your heart, he’ll always be yours.” I wanted to cry again, but held back. Diamond was closer to Oliver than any of the rest of the girls. Surely she knew him better. Simply her words calmed me. A nap became a possibility. Instead, I massaged Diamond’s forehead and shoulders on the ride home. Somehow, relieving her physical stress relieved my inner stress. It was just a simple way of how we connected. It seemed unfathomable that in one year I could fall in love, have sex, and talk about it openly with a new best friend, who I trusted the world to.

There’s something about waking up on your birthday. The second I hopped out of bed I knew exactly what I would wear. Settling on my teal skirt with matching top, I added walking sandals and topped it all off with my new red felt hat. The sun shone brightly through my bedroom window and onto my hair, giving the impression that my head was glowing scarlet in the gold filigree mirror.

It wasn’t exactly the birthday I’d been hoping for. A car show on my fourteenth birthday was lame. I’d been to enough of the damn things. And none of my friends would be within ten miles of me. But dressing up made me feel slightly better. And on the way out the door, I snagged a book, just in case.

After eating some breakfast with Mom and Grandma, (Emerson was already at the show with his beloved car, along with Grandpa) we got into Grandma’s van and sped off towards Port Trees. The colorful harbor grew steadily closer as we drove around the inlet. The scenery was spotless: a cloudless sky, water glittering incessantly from the sun, boats gliding across the surface of the water that kissed the shores of Port Trees and Stenson. The atmosphere was festive as we rolled into the downtown area of port Trees, lined with boats from the harbor.

After finding Emerson and his car, (which was snootily parked under the only tree in the parking lot) we set up our folding chairs in the shade and watched people go by, admiring the cars. I took out a book and began to read in the dappled light from the tree’s leaves above me. It was incredibly boring and stuffy sitting there. The breeze that usually came to meet the sailboats in the harbor seemed unable to get through to the nearby parking lot filled with classic cars and people.

I told Mom I was bored. She stood up with me and we took a look around to the various cars. Although she acted interested, Mom seemed the contrary. She probably didn’t want to be there, either. After about twenty minutes of looking, we found a picnic table in a small section of grass near a dock. We watched sailboats of every size and color glide by, and it struck me how I longed to be on one of them, away from Emerson and the heat, free to have the wind in my hair and adventure in my heart.

“Mom?” I began.

“Yes, honey?”

“This isn’t what I wanted for my birthday,” I said bluntly.

Mom looked a little unsurprised. It pained me to know that she knew my birthday was a dud, but let it happen anyway. She should have known me better. I didn’t give a rat’s ass about any of these stupid cars.

“What do you suggest otherwise?” she asked.

“Well, Mom…my friends are the most important thing to me. And they aren’t here.”

Mom thought for a moment. “Who could you call that might be willing to come?”

“Nobody,” I said uncooperatively. “Rosalind’s on a boat trip, Gwen is in Arizona and everyone else has jobs because they’re all older than me.”

“Well, if you think of someone, call them.”

“I wish! Mom, with no notice and no one in this town it makes it pretty fucking difficult. I didn’t even want to be here today.”

Mom felt bad, but in my opinion, she should have. The world didn’t revolve around Emerson. It was my birthday, and damn it, it wasn’t. This wasn’t the kind of birthday I wanted and she knew it! It saddened me that Mom and I had grown so far apart. She just didn’t pay attention anymore. It now became apparent to me that all the crazy things I had done that year were things that were done because they were going to be completely unnoticed.

“Well, maybe we’ll leave early?” she suggested lamely.

“No. Fuck it, Mom,” I said, and walked inward towards the town, leaving her there at the picnic table.

I thought about where to go. Conway’s house was right up the street. Maybe him and I could hang out like old times. Maybe I could hike the mile uphill and go see CedarHill again. Maybe Midgard would be there. That would be a good birthday present, just to see him.

Port Trees was so pretty. It almost looked too perfect, with City Hall so close to the water with its green front lawn and large center clock. I remembered while walking by City Hall that there was a door on the outside of the building that led to the top of the clock tower, which had a balcony. One question from the guard at the front door was all I needed to be shown the door to the tower. I ran up every one of the circular steps until I got to the very top. Reaching the balcony, my breath heavy, I looked out across the bay.

Sailboats were gliding through the sparkling water. Looking around the circular balcony on the outside of the tower I could see for miles into the interior of Port Trees, and out over the water between Port Trees and Stenson.

The familiarity of the town didn’t make me feel better, though. Every memory hit me hard, making me realize all I had had to give up to go to Fairview. Tears stung my eyes up there on that windy balcony. How much had changed! In one year I had met Midgard, gained a ton of new friends, left Port Trees and even lost my virginity along the way. It made me feel sad and homesick for my old self that still thought of all things innocent. My birthday didn’t feel like much of a triumph or milestone.

Wiping my tears on my arm, I smiled slightly as I watched the tiny ferry begin it’s fifteen-minute journey to Stenson across the water.

Then I took out my purse with a sudden inspiration and dialed Denver’s number. Full of hope and sadness I waited for the rings of the phone to be answered. No answer. Feeling thoroughly discouraged and hopeless, I started back down the spiral staircase.

A few minutes later I arrived on an unfamiliar dock closer to the tiny ferry terminal and sat on a paint-peeling bench. Without so much as a look at the shining water or elegant boats, I put my head in my hands thinking that the day could not get worse.

My phone rang. It said it was an unknown number, and I moodily pressed the talk button hoping maybe I’d get to put some pent-up frustration on some telemarketer or something.

A very deep male voice came on the phone. “Kelly?”

“Yes…who’s this?”

“Denver. My mom said she just missed your call at my house. I’m at my grandma’s, this week. Happy birthday, by the way: I was going to call you later tonight.”

My heart flew at the sound of his voice. I hastily went in telling him about how horribly my day had been and how lonely I was. “Oh Denver, I wish it was! I’m stuck in Port Trees at a stupid car show of Emerson’s. I wish I could see you!”

“I’m so sorry,” he said sincerely. “What can I do to help?”

“Well…”

Ten minutes later and a scheduled ride for Denver to the Stenson ferry terminal, my heart felt swollen with joy. We planned to have Denver be dropped off at the ferry terminal by his grandma. There I would meet him, first going across on the tiny ferry to pick him up, since he had never ridden that ferry before.

I happily sat in the tiny outdoor ferry terminal and leaned up against a wooden post overlooking the water, watching the ferry slowly make its journey back to Port Trees. Someone stood next to me. And it wasn’t until they spoke that I started.

“You look different,” she said. Turning, I saw Lily next to me. Her hair was free of the black hair dye and it now remained thick and blonde at her shoulders. She was wearing a flowery skirt with a light blue camisole, and she was fluttering in the wind as perfect as anything, her brown eyes twinkling in the midday sun.

“So do you!” I exclaimed, and hugged her, even though we weren’t ever really that close. I had been so judgmental of her before, that it just seemed fitting.

She didn’t seem confused about the hug at all. “You seem so different,” she said to me, observing every inch of me, looking me up and down.

“I am,” I admitted honestly.

“You seem more accepting,” she said.

“I’d like to think so,” I replied.

“It happened, didn’t it?” she asked slyly.

“What?”

“Sex,” she said knowingly.

I started to protest, “I –”

“Oh, don’t get so defensive,” she said waving off my weak sentence. “I knew it would happen to you soon.”

“Oh, really? And how did you know that?” I asked.

“Midgard,” she replied simply.

“Midgard! But him and I never did anything like that!” I said, taken aback.

“I know that,” she said. “You didn’t have to. It’s the way you felt. You were practically having sex with him every day during class. You wanted him in that way, and there’s no denying it, especially now.”

I stared at her, slightly in awe. She was right. This year hadn’t been some huge epiphany, really. I was ready for what had happened between me and Oliver. There were glimpses of that with Midgard, like the day I flirted with him in drama. I had had that in me all along. Maybe Oliver saw that.

She laughed at my expression. “I knew it would come soon! You just weren’t quite ready yet. So…who is he?”

And soon I was blabbering on all about Oliver to her, as we stood there, and eventually boarded the ferry. We both chose the top deck, out in the wind and sunshine.

“So, Lily?” I asked later.

“Uh-huh?”

“How did yours happen? Your first, I mean.”

She was thoughtful for a moment. “Seventh grade. I was drunk. Really drunk. I was at a party I shouldn’t have been. It was more rape than sex. I can’t remember much, just that he was sixteen.”

It seemed like the answer I was expecting. “I’m so sorry,” I said. “I was so judgmental of you, and I didn’t know any of the facts. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” she said graciously. “Now you know. And now you’re more accepting. These things just take time.”

“I should’ve been nicer,” I admitted shamefully.

“Hey, you were who you were. I didn’t resent you for that. I admired your project way back when.”

“So what are you up to now?” I asked.

“Well, I’m sober. My grades have gone up. And I’m meeting my boyfriend tonight for a date after work.”

“Ooh! What’s he like?”

“Clean. Sober. Not my usual type,” she said, laughing.

And we laughed like old friends the rest of the journey to Stenson.

As the ferry pulled up to the Stenson terminal my heart flew at the sight of Denver amidst the crowd waiting to board. As soon as the ferry was tied to the dock I ran to meet him. I threw my arms around him with total abandon, him, my best friend. Just as he had done our last day of school, Denver picked me up by the waist and twirled me around in a giant hug. He was smiling widely, feathered hair in the wind. I didn’t even complain when I had to pay another dollar for me to re-board the ferry.

When we boarded the top deck, we leaned up against the front of the boat, the windiest, sunniest part, and stood together happily.

“I missed you,” he said.

“I missed you too! How have you been?” I asked.

“Good. I’ve been at my dad’s mostly this summer. My little brother came too, he’s there now.”

“That’s great,” I said. “You look wonderful.”

“You do too,” he said politely.

But there in the sun Denver looked better than good. He looked sexy standing there, older than he was, his hair in the wind and his Livestrong band on his thick wrist. He was smiling, letting all of his braces show, unabashed. In his eyes he saw only me and I only him. We had missed each other, but it had taken me by surprise how I now looked at him. I had told him everything about Oliver and me. Could it be possible for us to be together?We arrived in Port Trees, where we met everyone back at the car. Mom was alarmed that I had gone far, but was happy that I was happy. We left the show around three or so, and we invited Denver to dinner, at my request.

Back at the house (Emerson stayed with the car until five) Denver and I played games on my computer in my room. It hadn’t occurred to me that Denver had never been to my house before. He was impressed by my teal bedroom and how it stood out amongst the pastels of the rest of the house. He said it was appropriate for me.

Mom and grandma were heard chatting out in the front room. The sun was setting, putting my room on fire as it usually did. I pulled down the white shades that left the room in a hazy light. The whole room glowed, all the teal paint, the gold mirror, my red hair. We kept sitting there, side by side playing games. The heat of the room, and his new look was slowly taking over me. I watched him win another round of Bad Dog 911. He laughed out loud at the fact that the only word he missed was duh. We cracked up, it was so appropriate.

I went to the bathroom to wash my face with ice water. These feelings, were they founded? The answer was yes, but the outcome was uncertain. So I returned to my room and we played a while longer before reckless abandon took over.

“Denver?” I said.

He looked at me, next to him. “Yeah?”

I looked over my shoulder at my half-closed bedroom door. Then I turned back to him. “Denver…if I never get another chance…well,” and I kissed him.

It was as unexpected to him as it was to me. So the kiss was a totally disaster! It was more like the mashing of two faces for about five seconds. But when we broke apart he was smiling widely.

“I thought you looked too pretty today,” he said, grinning.

And so we returned to each other, kissing as if it were a simple natural transaction.

A few really long kisses and a few questions later Mom called us both in to dinner. I blew out my candles with a blushed face. Who would have thought: Me and Denver!

We took him home and I walked him to his door, where we sat on the front bench hidden by brush, where we kissed yet again, laughing the whole time.

On the ride home, Grandma said to my Mom, “He seems like a nice boy.”

I smiled from the backseat of the van. “He is.”