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Because of You
One shot
“You’re back early,” she said, his voice surprised.
She looked up for a moment before chuckling a little. “Aren’t you glad to have your daughter back?” she asked wryly. Her mom frowned before putting the stack of envelopes she had in her hands.
“Well, yes. . . But I wasn’t expecting you back for a while. I thought his condition was pretty bad and. . .” she trailed off just as the phone rang. Ange leaned against the wall and watched her mom pick the phone up. She spoke in a surprised voice at first. “Oh, hey, Jess. Yeah, she just came. . .” she trailed off before shooting a quick frown to Ange. “Really? Oh. Well, you’re welcome. So, I guess that’s it, huh?” Pause. “So he’s okay? Well, I’m glad he’s okay.” Her mom put the receiver down.
“Well I’m going to start unpacking,” she said, turning to walk upstairs.
“Alex is back,” her mom said suddenly.
Ange stopped. “I know,” she replied and smiled. “I guess Brian was just too stupid to stay back and find his girlfriend alive,” she rolled her eyes playfully.
“Hah, yeah.” Her mother eyed her.
“What?” she asked defensively.
“Nothing.”
Ange just lifted an eyebrow before shrugging.
Late that night, she lay in bed, hugging the pillow close to her chest as she focused on her breathing, trying to keep it coming. She sucked in a breath and turned to her other side, and closed her eyes. She pushed the tears down, hugging the pillow tighter and exhaled her breath out slowly, controlling her tears. Damnit. . . she thought to herself slowly. I still miss him. How long is this going to last?
It was two weeks later when it happened.
“Ange!” her mom’s voice echoed. She bounded down the stairs to see Angelica on her stomach on the floor, doing her homework. Her daughter looked up and raised an eyebrow. She smiled a little. “I have clients coming over for dinner. Can you please start tidying up?”
“I already did,” she said, gesturing.
Her mom stopped for a moment and frowned a little. “You’ve been awfully distracted ever since you came. I never see you using the computer for fun, going shopping, or watching TV at all! Are you sure you’re okay?”
“What kind of mother complains about that?” Ange mumbled, not bothering to reply.
“Well. . . Change into something decent, okay?”
“’Kay,” Ange nodded and stood up, neatly placing her books back into her back and throwing it over her shoulder. Her mother was left staring after her.
“That’s the doorbell,” Ange told her mom as she continued to place pates on the table. Her mom nodded and went to open the door. She distinctly heard voices from the front and she smiled to herself a little when she heard her mom laugh. Sighing lightly, she surveyed her work and nodded to herself. She took off the apron and pushed her hair back just as she heard footsteps start to head towards the kitchen.
She was already smiling as she turned around, ready to greet her mother’s clients. It was a normal thing, inviting her clients over. Ange was used to it.
But that moment, her mouth didn’t see to be working.
She fought to breathe as her eyes first landed on Mrs. Connors and someone familiar right behind her. He still looked the same as she last saw him. It seemed so long ago. She sucked in a quick breath and her reaction was even quicker. “Mrs. Connors,” she greeted and reached forward to shake her hand but she pulled the younger girl into a hug.
“Ange, I missed you,” she said, her voice muffled. “You . . . Didn’t even say bye properly!”
“I’m very sorry,” she told her, her voice low as she tried to avoid the eyes of him. “But . . . “
“Oh, it’s okay. But I do wish we could’ve . . . I don’t know. Spent more time together. It is because of you that Brian is better,” she said, lowering her voice.
“Mom, I’m right here,” his voice growled.
“Sorry, honey,” she said flippantly.
She moved out of the way so that Ange was right before him at least four feet away. Ange looked up and smiled at him, her eyes turning a little warm. “Hello, Brian,” she almost whispered. “How are you?”
He didn’t reply, and instead turned his head. She smiled and shook her head. He was still the same.
“Ange!” an enthusiastic voice cut through her thoughts. She looked up, surprised and saw Alex there. Her lungs stopped functioning. “I can’t believe it’s you!”
“Alex,” she said, her voice surprised. “Hi. It’s great to see you!”
“I know,” she said, pulling back.
“So, how have you been Ange?” Mrs. Connors asked warmly.
She was about to open her mouth to reply a fine but her mom beat her. “Actually. . .” she spoke slowly, looking at her daughter. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me since I’m a therapist and psychologist, but she seems different ever since she came back.”
“I do?” Ange raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, hun. You do. And you know you are.” Pause. “Why don’t you share what’s on your mind?”
“Nothing’s on my mind,” she said flippantly before flashing a reassuring grin. It looked real. She was a damn good actor. “Um, can you excuse me for a moment? I need fresh air,” she said and abruptly stood up and headed to the back porch.
Ange stood outside and closed her eyes, feeling the wind against her skin. She smiled at the night sky. “You can see how torn I am, can’t you?” she whispered to the breeze as her eyes took in the glinting stars. “It hurts,” she said lowly. “I can’t make it go away. How long is this stupidity going to last?” she whispered fiercely, wiping her eyes forcedly as she felt tears start to leak out.
She sucked in a deep breath, calming herself. She locked away her emotions again. She smiled wryly. Guess he passed the heartache on, she mused sadistically before sighing as she turned around to face another thirty minutes of dinner. But she was rather surprised when she saw him standing there. He was leaning casually against the wall of the house, just looking at her.
“You scared me!” she said, putting her hand over her heart and smiled a little. They stood in silence for a moment before Ange shifted. It felt . . .wrong to be standing near him. She couldn’t be alone with him when he had a girlfriend. It felt like a sin. She wasn’t supposed to have feelings for him. “Well,” she said, moving forward. “I’ll see you at the dinner table.”
She walked past him, the reins on her emotions tight and unbreakable. She’s trained herself to store them away and feel like a stranger to certain people.
“Don’t,” he said, his voice low and held its usual roughness.
She stopped slowly and looked at him weirdly. “Don’t what?”
“Just stay,” he said, his voice abrupt.
That’s not a good idea. “Um, actually I’m kind of - ”
“Please?”
Now that caught her. She looked at him for a moment before nodded and resumed her position a few feet away from him. She shifted, her eyes back on the night sky and she smiled a little. This felt like that time when he was outside and she decided to join him. Even if there was complete silence . . . She didn’t mind. “So is there anything you want to talk about?” she asked, turning to look at him.
He just turned to look at her and stared her down.
Her grin widened. “How many times do I have to tell you I don’t read minds?” she asked lightly. “C’mon, you’re a big boy. Spit it out.”
“I hate it when you do that,” he said lowly, his eyes burning her down to her core. But she ignored the feeling. Instead, she lifted an eyebrow. “You always treat me as if I’m a child. You treat me . . . Like any other person.” He paused, trailing off. “You treat me as if you’re not scared.”
Her smile softened. “Silly . . .” she breathed, clenching her hands at her side to keep herself from reaching out into that familiar hug she always shared when she felt like it. She didn’t notice, but he did. “Why would I be scared of you?” she whispered.
He shrugged. “Weren’t you in the beginning?”
“No,” she chuckled. “I saw right through your façade. You’re not as tough as you think,” she teased lightly.
“That’s what you think,” he said, a small smirk playing at his lips.
“Smug egotistic boy,” she murmured, turning her head as she tried to control her breathing once again. This was why she left. She always felt like she was dying when she was with him, but at the same time, she was so happy for him that he got Alex back.
But that’s what hurts the most.
Even if she’s happy, the pain still didn’t go away. How long was this going to last? she wondered in dismay.
“I have to go,” she said suddenly and turned around, heading back inside. She didn’t bother waiting for a response.
She stopped in front of the kitchen entrance and sucked in a deep breath, a smile in place. “I’m back,” she announced in a cheery tone as she took a seat. “It’s really pretty outside,” she commented with a side smile as she took more rice from the center of the table.
“Stars?” Alex asked with a small smile on her face.
“Yup,” Ange replied enthusiastically. “So what’d you guys talk about?”
“School,” Mrs. Connors put in with a smile. “Is Brian still outside?”
Ange nodded, not stopping the movements with her hands. “Yes. He’s taking in the sight,” she replied before she put a spoon full of rice in her mouth.
“Okay, as long as he’s out there. . .” Mrs. Connors hesitated and Ange just had to stop. “Has he said anything to you?”
Ange frowned a little. “Um, nothing important, if that’s what you mean,” she answered slowly. “Why? Was he supposed to?” she asked, a puzzled look on her face.
Mrs. Connors studied her for a moment. “I don’t know,” she shook her head sadly. “When you were there, he was actually okay. Back normal. But then when you suddenly left . . .” she cut herself off abruptly when Brian entered, the usual hard, guarded look on his face.
Ange looked at Mrs. Connors for a while longer before turning back slowly to her food.
Something about discussing . . . things.
She wasn’t really listening.
She began humming a random tune under her breath as she spread the linen on the comfy bed. She glanced around and decided that this would be Alex’s room. It had a more feminine touch. Again, it was nothing new for her clients to sleep over. Their house was pretty big, and they had extra rooms built in for career purposes.
She fluffed the newly covered pillow and nodded to herself in satisfactory. She turned her head and stared at the window, at the star covered sky with an unreadable look on her face. She didn’t know how long she was standing there but she felt a familiar aura stop right at the entrance of the room.
She didn’t speak, and she soon found herself drifting away in her mind.
“You have a thing for the sky, don’t you?” his voice breezed through the room. She felt herself shivering but she turned a little and smiled.
“You remember the day we actually talked to each other?” she asked, tilting her head to one side, unbeknownst of his intense stare on her. “We were both staring at the star covered sky.”
“I barely said anything.”
“But I knew you were listening,” she pointed out. He grew silent, unable to retort because they both knew she was right. She moved forward and sat on the edge of the bed. “So. Anything bothering you?” She smoothed out a crinkle on the bed sheet.
“You’d make a great mom.”
She blinked, unsure if she heard correctly. Surprised, she turned to face Brian but he was averting his eyes. A sure sign that he was embarrassed.
Laughing, she said, “You think?” He grunted and nodded forward once. “Nah . . .” she swivelled. “You’re better with kids than I am.”
She felt his eyes on her and all she could do was stare at him. “I saw you with that little girl.” At his uncomfortable look, she shook her head. “You don’t have to be so ashamed of it. It was cute. You’d make a great daddy for a little girl.”
She observed him and caught the outline of pink on his cheeks. Laughter bubbled up her throat. “You’re blushing,” she said in an amazed tone. His head whipped to her.
“I’m not,” he instantly shot back as his flush deepened.
She stood up and made her way towards him. She leaned dangerously close to him; she didn’t notice. But he did. “Yes you are, you liar,” she said cheerily as she touched his hot cheek. They both pulled away when they felt something forceful burn their skin.
“I’m still never used to you touching me,” he breathed unexpectedly, his hand around her wrist.
She swallowed to herself before shuffling. “Yeah, well. I have this power, you know?”
She stared at him staring at her. She felt a tugging sensation all over her body that suddenly made her weak in the knees and she vaguely noticed his arms encircling around her waist.
“I miss you,” he said.
Her throat was dry. She tried thinking of proper words that’ll end this moment but all she could do was open and close her mouth. Her heart fluttered at the small smile that graced his face. He never used to smile before she really got to know him, did you know that? He would always glare, but when he did smile, she felt happier than she ever thought were possible.
She had to break the silence. “I miss you too,” she said softly.
He took a breath. “Tell me why you left.”
Why she . . . Oh. At that moment all her senses kicked into gear. It took all her will power to break away from his hold. She turned her back to him and picked up the dirty bed sheets. “My work was done,” she explained in an offhand voice, the moment broken.
When she turned around, a proper smile was in place on her features. So was the glare on his face.
Her voice was patient. “These need to go in the laundry.” She held up the bed sheets. He didn’t budge from in front of the door. She sighed. “Brian, can you please move?”
His jaw tightened. “I don’t think so. Not until you give me a proper answer.”
“That was proper.”
“It didn’t explain a damn thing.”
“Language,” she said automatically. He just folded his arms over his chest and stared down at her in what’s supposed to be a menacing way. But she wasn’t scared. She bit the insides of her cheek, maintaining eye contact.
Finally, she sighed.
“I asked if you were happy,” she said. His eyes flashed in memory. She pursed her lips and offered a smile. “Your happiness.” She struggled to explain. “That was my task. I was there to help you move on, to cope, to live again. Your mom just wanted to happy again. At least, as cheerful with that glare on your face,” she added wryly, eyeing him. She got serious again, sighing. “Your mom called mine. They’re old friends, and Mum thought that it’d be a good idea to be friends with you.” She paused, fingering the sheets in her hands. “I promised her that I’d get you to really smile.”
She looked up, her eyes satisfied with genuine happiness. “And I did. You were smiling. Your mom was delighted. But I could leave until I heard it for myself.” She made sure to leave the part out where she fell for him. “I was going to ask earlier, but Alex came. And . . . Well, she came back.” Her heart ached painfully but she continued easily. “You thought she was dead, and that broke you. I helped you get up. She was the one that fixed your wounds.”
She looked up, realizing that he lost his glare and he was just staring at her. She chuckled a little, ignoring the tightening in her throat and the pressure behind her eyes.
“That day . . .” Her voice was quiet now. “I asked if you were content. I asked if you could smile easily, and if your heart didn’t hurt anymore. You said no.” Ange grinned up at him. “You were happy. You weren’t sad anymore. Alex was there and, and . . .” She trailed off, unable to say anything, for fear that she’d break down crying in front of him. She struggled to breathe, but her expression was in check. “I left,” she finished. “My work was done.”
His voice was empty. “You didn’t say bye.”
She shrugged and brushed past him. “I didn’t think it’d matter.”
“Well that’s a fucked up assumption.” His voice was a whip across the quiet room. “I wake up one day, go to your room, wondering if you’d want to have breakfast outside, and I see it empty. Empty. You weren’t there.”
She closed her mouth tightly.
“I didn’t know what to think.” His voice has taken a low volume.
“I apologize for making you worry,” she said, turning her head to face him. Her expression was sincere. “I just . . . I didn’t know how to say it without-” she cut off abruptly. Without crying in front of you. “Without explaining too much,” she finished lamely, lowering her eyes to stare at the ground.
He took a ragged breath, running a hand through his hair. “You can’t just attach yourself to me . . . And then leave.” He clenched his hands. “Alex did that.”
She realized what he meant. She became his friend and then left without so much of a goodbye. There wasn’t any time for him to think, to feel . . .
She left water building up in her eyes. How could she have not seen this? Biting her lower lip, she sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I never . . .”
“Forget it,” he said curtly.
She felt hallow, standing there in front of him. His face seemed angry and her arms were twitching to hug him. Oh, damn it. She dropped the sheets and took a step towards him before wrapping her arms around his waist. She clung onto him tightly. “I never meant to hurt you,” she whispered against his chest.
His arms were wounded up tightly around her. “You didn’t.” She felt his breath on her neck. “You made me miss you, fool.”
Her heart stopped at his words but she just smiled faintly instead. “You missed all my annoyance, huh?” she teased. “I told you all this talking wouldn’t go to waste.”
She felt him chuckling against her. Her heart warmed, but suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Alert, she whirled her head and felt all air leave her lungs when she saw Alex standing there, staring at them with wide eyes.
Ange felt something ugly twist in her gut when Alex lifted her hand to her mouth and turned away to run.
Brian’s arms tightened. “Shit,” he breathed.
“Language,” she whispered, practically mouthing the words as she stared blankly at the space where Alex had been standing. She tore away from Brian, her breathing becoming irregular. She whirled to him, her eyes brimming with tears. “Go after her,” she whispered.
He looked paralysed. His eyes darted from her to the door, and back to her. Ange resisted the urge to wrap her arms around her chest, where everything was pulsing with pain. She shook her head furiously, tears flying everywhere. “Go!” she practically yelled, her voice choked. “Go after her, damn it!”
Brian roughly bristled, his face pained. Finally, he took a deep breath and left the room without a backward glance.
“Did you talk to her?”
“You left your house for two days.”
She was undeterred. “Yes, so you’d be able to talk to Alex.” There was a pause and she thought she had to say more when he just continued to stare at her. “I was over at a friend’s house,” she assured him easily. “So, about Alex . . .” she prompted.
He avoided her gaze. After a long minute he finally answered. “We’re all right.”
Relief filled her, along with the natural ache but she’d accepted that. “I spoke to her too,” she said, chatting easily as they began to walk. “I told her it was nothing to worry about. I was honestly scared that she may have been hurt.” Ange chuckled a little. “Gosh, that really frightened me,” she muttered to herself.
“I want to hold you, Angelica.”
She froze. One, because he said her full name. And two, it was because of his request. She looked up and he was waiting patiently. Her throat went dry. “What?”
A smile broke out on his face. It was bitter. “I’m a horrible person. I don’t deserve what I have.”
“Don’t say that,” she said fiercely.
“I don’t feel for Alex what I feel for you.”
Her expression was one of horror.
He shrugged. “It’s the truth. You told me to always tell the truth.” He took a breath. “I love Alex,” he said. “I’m still in love with her. But with you . . .” He shook his head. “It’s something else. It’s forever. And damn it, you know it too.”
She was shaking her head halfway through his words. “No. This isn’t right.” Her breath hitched undeniably. Her whole body felt like it was on fire but at the same time, she felt cold. She turned around, trying to be reasonable. “Brian, you can’t be in love with two people,” she whispered. “It’s… it just doesn’t work that way.”
He shook his head. “With Alex, it’s the normal kind of love.” He struggled to explain. “You know, the same feeling over, every day, like I’ve been with her for eighty years. Seeing her happy makes me happy. But with you…” He took a deep breath. “It’s more than that. It’s more than kissing you, or being with you. It’s just a feeling that engraved within me.”
“Brian…”
He held up a hand. “Let me finish,” he said lowly. Ange clamped her lips together, feeling her eyes brim with tears. “I need you, Ange,” he whispered. “It’s not an addiction. It’s more healthier - like oxygen and water. You’re the reason I got back up. You made me want to be a better person. You make me want to smile more often - and be thankful for things I didn’t even notice before you came.” He exhaled, a smile on his face. “Because of you . . . I live.” His teeth flashed and Ange felt her heart burst. She reached forward without knowing it he pulled her into a hug.
“If it isn’t love, what is it?” she asked.
He smirked. “It is love,” he said. He paused, thinking of words. “But it’s more. You . . .” He inhaled, running a hand through his hair. “You asked me last time if I was happy?”
She nodded.
“It was because you were there with me.” She looked at him carefully. He flashed one of his rare smiles.
She finally spoke up. “And when we’re old and I lose my memory, you’ll always be there for me?”
His voice was solemn. “For eternity.”
And he kept his word.
it's vague, and lacks in plot, but it needed to come out. hope you guys got the gist of it, at least. meh . . . comments are welcome.
