A/n: To you, my dear parents. To me, a piece of paper means nothing. To me, a promise is worthless. I won't hold you to it.

I Can Only Promise To Try

by, Cassandra

The hurt that flashes through your eyes at those words nearly kills me, but making that promise, telling that lie, would kill me. I refuse to do that. I won't promise you forever. I won't look you in the eye and tell you what you want to hear, what everyone wants to hear at some point in their life.

"It's not that I don't love you."

I can already feel you pulling away. Not physically, not yet, but emotionally hurts just as much. It's only a matter of time until I've lost you for good. Time is running out for me to get this right, to figure out how to say what I need to say. To make you understand.

"I love you too much. That's the problem."

I've never been good with spoken words. Written words are easy, but words spoken in the heat of the moment can never be erased. They can never be corrected, edited, censored. The meaning gets jumbled, misunderstood so easily with spoken words. Written words are so much easier.

"Don't walk away from me. Not yet."

I wish I could promise, but I couldn't do that. Not to you, not to me. I will not promise you something I have no control over. I will never risk having to look you in the eye and break this pledge, this vow. I refuse to run the risk of you resenting me. I will not let myself ever come to feel trapped in your arms.

"I will never ask that of you."

You never know what the future brings. For all we know, tomorrow the world could end. Most people think that's all the more reason to do this, but not me. I won't promise forever, because I can't guarantee it. I won't promise to love, honor and cherish, because I can't guarantee that we won't change.

"All I can promise is that I will try."

I promise to try, if you promise to try. I promise to let you go if it'll make you happy, if you promise to let me fly if I become closterphobic. I won't drag other people into these vows, because this isn't about them. I won't put the burden of our failure on someone else's shoulders.

"I won't promise you forever."

I know it doesn't make much sense, but this is all in the head. I won't use your words to tie you into something you might not want for forever. I won't let us be miserable because of spoken words that may or may not mean something. Forever is a long time. I can't guarantee forever.

"I can only promise to try."