Author: The Deacon PM
Things don't always work out like you planned. Some of you might think this is about someone elseRated: Fiction T - English - Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,131 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 02-19-12 - Published: 12-17-07 - Status: Complete - id: 2451884
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I wish I could hate you. I wish I'd never met you. I regret wasting my time on you. You are the worst thing that's ever happened to me, and coming from me, that's saying something. I don't think you ever loved me. I think you're a liar. I think you're selfish and arrogant and cruel. I hate being in the same room as you. I hate the shirt you gave me. I shredded all your pictures and your letters. I want to erase every memory of you from my life. I wish you could feel the smallest portion of the pain you caused me.
I read the e-mail again, the one that tells me you're with someone else. I can't think of anything but you and him and I want to tear my eyes out. I want to beat my fists bloody against the walls. I want to scream until my lungs burst. I want to forget you.
I don't want to remember any happy moment with you. I don't want to see your laugh or hear your smile. I want to scratch my heart out of my chest.
I read the e-mail again. I don't care if it's true. I want it to be true. I want there to be a reason. I want you to be pure evil. I want the world to know what you did. I want vindication and justice. I want to taste your guilt. I want to revel in your sorrow.
I want all my emotions to die. I want to be a stone. Cold and hard and empty.
I regret every moment spent with you. If I could I'd take back every pleasant walk in the park, every drive, every movie, every dinner, every conversation. I'd take back all the thoughts and dreams I had of you. I regret every word, every stare, every glance. I'd burn every silent gaze, every knowing touch. I would strangle every pleasantry, every flirtation.
I want the past to die. I wish I'd never given you the ring. I wish you'd have thrown it back at me. I wish I could grind it to dust.
I want the earth to open up and swallow me. I want the sky to fall and crush me. I want the sea to take me and bury me in its depths. I want you to feel sorry. I want you to hate yourself.
I regret ever wanting things to work out. I regret trying to find out your reasons. I regret trying to win you back. I regret wishing and hoping you'd realize your mistake. I regret thinking you were worth the effort.
I read the e-mail again. I want it to be true. I want you to be the betrayer and not just the confused little girl. I want you to be cold and calculating. If I'm doomed to remember you, I want to remember you this way. I want to feel the knife twisting in my back. I want to carry this pain forever. I want everyone to see and ask so I can tell them.
I don't want your love. I don't want your pity. I want your spite, and your malice, and your cruelty. I want to carry your scar as my only memory of you. I want every happy thought to be poison in my veins.
You were never my friend. You never loved me. You never wanted to be with me. You played your game and led me on only to break me at the last minute. You were the snake.
I should have left you in that parking lot. I should have left you after the first argument. I should have left you a million times. I should have ran without looking back. I should have recognized you.
I want to live in sorrow. I want to sulk in my own despair. I want to wallow in filth and die in the mire.
I want to run from everything I know. I want to leave everything behind me. I want to run till the wind scorches my face and the sun burns my corpse. I want the crows to eat my flesh. I don't want to leave anything behind.
I don't know how to live anymore. I don't even know who you are. It's like you killed my best friend. And I can't decide whether to mourn your loss or avenge it. You left me no place to turn to. You stole my hopes and dreams. You took my future. How can I forgive? How can I trust?
It all pulls me in so many directions. I want to break into pieces. I want to shatter like glass. I want to melt into the sand.
I want to be angry forever. I want to be consumed with my grief. I want to fall so far that I can never come back. I want to live in ruin.
I want to forget all of it. I want to stop loving you. I want to kill that part of me that cares.