“JJJJOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNYYYYY!! Ohmigawsh!! You’re sleeping with someone!! A girl!! Jonny! GET UP!!”

Something was jumping up and down beside Jonathyn and I. All four foot eight inches of brunette hair, forest eyes, and schoolgirl uniform was our wake up call.

Meet Lillian Jane Ashburn.

By far one of the strangest eight-year-olds I’ve laid eyes on.

“Ohhh… so you just fell asleep next to each other?” Lillian asked Jonathyn and I. She stuffed a spoonful of Frosted Flakes in her mouth and climbed onto the counter. Great… the last thing she needed was more sugar. I glanced my disapproval at Jonathyn and he shrugged.

“Yeah. We didn’t sleep with each other, we slept next to each other.”

I found it amazing that Jon was explaining us to his sister. And she was conversating back: oh my.

“So… no teheeing?” Lillian grinned.

Jon sighed and shook his head, “Dammit, Lilly. No, we did not ‘teehee.’ You vile little creature.”

She gaped at us, revealing half-chewed, mushy cereal. “Are you in denial!?”

“No!” Jon growled.

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Really sure.”

“Sure times infinity.”

“R-”

“Plus one!”

Lillian swallowed her mouthful, and dumped the remaining milk into the sink. Wait- wasn’t that huge bowl was full a minute ago… how did she?

“What are you looking at Blondie?” she growled at me, jumping from the counter and crossing her arms over her chest.

“What?” I grumbled.

“Stupid blonde.”

My eyebrows furrowed. “Oh hold on, you stereotyping little-”

“Lexi, Lilly- just don’t…” Jonathyn scolded. “It’s too early…”

“She’s the one who woke us up,” I growled.

“And now here we are, awake, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s only seven o’clock in the morning.”

I glared at the little girl. She flicked some of her straight, chocolate bangs out of her eyes and smiled at me. Satan child.

“Oh, Jonny?” Lillian hummed.

“What?” he moaned, leaning against the wall, his eyes closed.

“How long are you staying?”

“As long as I want to stay.”

She glanced at me, and grinned her devil-child’s smile. “So Blondie, did you come along for your own whoreish fieldtrip?”

Both Jon and I snapped out of our sleepy haze a gawked at the elementary girl. Whoreish? Did she even know what that meant? Had I even heard right? What?

“WHAT did you say?” Jonathyn growled.

Lillian shrugged and hopped back onto the counter. “Blondie looks like she’s the type that’s slept around.”

A look of sheer pissy-offed-ness spread across Jonathyn’s face and he took two threatening steps forward. “You have three seconds to tell me where you heard that.”

“Well…” she hummed, swinging her legs over the counter ledge carelessly. “We were eating lunch the other day, and one of the boys call Barbie a whore. And I asked him what a whore was, and he said it’s a girl who sleeps with lots of boys. And so I asked why Barbie was a whore. And he said it was because she has all those Ken dolls and GI-Joes and Transformers to sleep with. And she has really big boobs and blonde hair and she makes boys hor-“

Jonathyn smacked a hand over his eyes. “That’s… enough,” he mumbled.

I wouldn’t have been surprised if my jaw was smacking against the floor in a cartoonist’s portrayal. What the hell? I glanced at my chest; my boobs weren’t that big. And my hair was dirty blonde. Not Barbie blonde. Either Miss Lillian Jane knew more than she was saying, or I looked really hot today. Hum…

Maybe I could get to like this girl.

I smoothed the exaggerated look of shock off my face and sighed, “Jon, is there a mall somewhere around here?”

“Yes. Why?” He slumped back against the wall, rubbing his temples soothingly.

“Malls have mall food.”

Jon opened one eye and gazed sleepily at me while mumbling, “Chinese food and frozen yogurt?”

“Oh hell yea.”

Lillian jumped off the counter and attacked my leg like she was a small, overly affectionate dog. “Yayyyyy!! Ice cream!!”

Let the fun commence.