The white Macintoshes glistened in the light as they glowed their eerie white. I felt at that instant that I was pushing against a current. A current that would soon wash over me if I let it. But I couldn’t let it. So I sat there amongst the machinery and waited. I had been contemplating for a while now how far I would venture off into that dark and mysterious lane leading towards what could have easily been death or happiness. People are always coming and going like insects set with their course. My mission had ended too soon. So I was left with a lot of empty space to move about whichever way I pleased. However as hard as I tried to grasp the ideas the flitted through my mind, it was all too vague. The energy that had once been in my careless youth was lost somewhere along the way. I could not retrace that path, so I was forced to recreate the substance that was of my being. It was the very thing that moved me in my life. To regain it, I found to be tricky. It was child’s play with a twist. An arrow through your throat. But that was if one stopped too soon in their path. The distractions in everyday life proved to be tedious and troublesome. Wrong leads could end a person off a cliff. I didn’t want that. Most of all I didn’t want to be stuck in some dank cell in my mind. I didn’t want to be held by the laws that governed the heavy heart, or the thoughts that resided in pre-made boxes set out on Lindy street, for 10 off its original price.

Despite being blessed with youthful grace and vehement fervor, I was far from where I should have been on the line that my fellow peers walked. I did not fit that lovely graph of exponential disaster. Needless to say I was skeptical. It kept me distant from the normal interactions of the mundane. My flesh could have fooled anyone otherwise. Cursed with this enormously vast perception that my ego let me dwell on, I was restrained in my attempts at organizing such conundrums.

In a moment I was transferred to a realm of childish wonder. I sat then as still as could be as I let the sounds bounce off of me. I was reminded of the hopes and dreams I once had, long forgotten when I had abandoned them, as I grew up to the reality that such desires were only fulfilled through hard work. I felt like I was rising up into the clouds above my head. What a joyous place it was, engrossed in innocent marvel, where my ideas were so pure of cause. Shaking my head as if to disagree how could such things be born of little curiosity. I was reminded of the softness that was still a part of me. The softness that was kept hidden somewhere in my memory. I wanted to hold on to it. So I sat with great intent, as I focused on recovering those fragile thoughts. They floated in my head like gauzy fabric dancing in the light of the sun as the wind carried it upward and on. In such a daze I had forgotten my claustrophobia as the notes pushed up against me. Why was it that I was always being pushed over by something? The sounds went through me. I imagined cylinder things that transformed into butterflies. I would have rather enjoyed to crush them, but instead I ran after them in my mind.

There just wasn’t enough time to capture all these things that whirled around me so quickly as they had come. I was being forced to examine them. Forced by my consciousness to come in terms with that subconscious goddess of damnation. I don’t know how I was expected to get anything done with my external senses probing my internal logic. I closed my eyes and thought that maybe if I just listened to what was going on in my head and around me I could configure it all like a code. Perhaps some glorious notion would come of it. After all, I was fond of revelations. Epiphanies aren’t easy to come by nowadays.

I looked at what was there. I didn’t really want to see, but I had no choice. I stood up in that corner of my mind. I felt the walls and crevices for some kind of light switch. I came upon something that tugged at my heart strings. I tugged back and something ignited within me. But it was lost in the sounds. I was too dazed to comprehend it all.