“Rinny! Rinny! What should I do now?” Amilla shook the back of the chair. Laurie, Ems and Brian had gone into the living room to have a drink. Amilla and I didn’t drink. Amilla couldn’t because alcohol was a one-way trip to depressive land, and I chose to be straight edge since when twelve.

“Go wash dishes, Amy.”

“Can we go to the art store later, Rinny? Please?” Amy bounced excitedly.

“Of course, love. Later though.” Amilla beamed her assent and practically skipped into the kitchen. When Amy had first moved in, we all discovered she was most at peace baking or cleaning so we agreed, behind her back, to let that be her domain. None of us would ever fully understand Amilla, but we’d do our damnedest to make her happy.

I left Amy to her calm cleaning and trekked into my room. I fell heavily onto the bed letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. A faint knock came from my doorway.

“Arintha?” Emsy stood in the doorway sipping her vodka and pink lemonade, “You gonna pretend to be sleep or are you gonna let me in?”

“Come on in, Ems.” I didn’t have much choice. Only Emsy could read me better than Brian so she always got her way with me. She set her drink on the dresser by the door and crawled on to the bed. I curled up to her with my head on her thigh.

“Go ahead, Rin.”

“What do you mean?” Even as I said it, I felt my throat getting thick with sadness and my eyes starting to sting. Damnit, Emsy! I hadn’t even thought about crying before now. Like I said, Emsy knew me so I let myself cry. I let myself cry and ramble and cling to Emsy like she was my only hope. Sometimes, she was.

“Oh Emsy. I loved them. I thought I just loved Jason and lusted after Alisha, but …but I was so wrong. I loved Alisha even more than I loved Jason and they’re gone, Em. They’re gone. What could I possibly have done to drive them both from me? How horrible was I to both? They were just gone one day. I came home and …and no one. No Alisha reading her cheesy romance novels in my bathrobe. No Jason working on his car in the parking lot. No one. I had all the love in the world and it just left. I can’t—I won’t—”

“Shh, don’t make vows for or against your life right now.”

“I’m not ready, Em. I’m just not.”

Emsy ran her hands through my hair and rubbed my back. She hummed soothingly. “For what, darling?”

“For life.” I said it with such finality that I even frightened myself, but what was more frightening was the anger on Em’s face.

“No! I know I haven’t had the ridiculous amount of experience you have—”

“Hey!”

“But! I won’t let you drop because of those two. Okay?”

After Emsy’s little insult, it was hard to find the despair I was clinging to earlier. I needed to move on right, but I wasn’t I betraying Ali’s and Jase’s love by just going on with my life. I was far too conflicted to do anything but agree with Emsy.

“Ok.” A shrill ringing came from under the pillow. Emsy snatched my little blue phone before I fully registered what that aggravating noise was.

“Marty, screw off. We’re having a family moment. Really?” I slowly sank under that blankets at the annoyance on Emsy’s face. “Oh wow. Well, I’ll let her know. When was that? Nine o’clock? Sounds good. Tell Denver we love him. Bye Mar-mar. Yeah fuck you too. Peace.” Em threw my phone letting it hit the wall by the door with a grating thump. She stood and ripped the blanket off of where I was trying to sink into the bed.

“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just trying to die.”

“Another job, Phoebe Arintha?! Another goodbye?! Fuck you if you think that any of us will be able to hand—”

“Emsy, please. Please calm down. I’m not going anywhere. Local job. Local. Ow.” Emsy slapped me on the leg, hard and shoved me off the bed. “Ow! Why would you do that? Why?” I faked sobbing hoping to make her laugh and get off the hook for a while.

Emsy just smiled and shook her head. Ha! I won! “Shut up and grab up Amy for the art store. You gotta be at Skorch at seven-thirty.” I hopped up and grabbed my phone throwing it into my pocket.

“Thought you said nine?”

“That’s the show. We’re coming with.” Emsy leered in a way that reminded me of Justice. I shivered and had to shake my head to clear my fantasies of that thick body. I left for the kitchen with Emsy head to the living room to plot her, Brian’s and Laurie’s night of sexual mischief.

“Amy, love, you ready?”

She bounced out of the kitchen and out the door expecting me to follow. I did after I grabbed my coat and keys and yelled a goodbye to the Em, Brian and Laurie. I engaged Amy’s excited chattering about her new commission, but truly I was worried about the three at the apartment. I knew Emsy would tell Laurie and Brian the whole story. I just had to pray they would understand. I needed work to make everything else to make sense. Oh well, nothing I could change while walking the long way to the art supply store. On the way back to the apartment, I broke the news to Amy.

“Rinrin, can we go the indie films place tonight? Please, no one would take me when you were gone. Denver took me once, but I think the French film freaked him out. It was so good. About this angel who helped a gambler—”

“First thing tomorrow, Amy. Promise”

Amy stopped her purposely strutting and turned pouting, “Why?” She already had the whimper creeping into her voice. For someone who was mostly separate from reality, Amilla could be frighteningly perceptive when she chose to be. “Rinny! You can’t!” She practically stomped her foot huffing as pieces of her chestnut hair fell from her messy bun.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her into a hug, “Ams, calm down. It’s a local gig. Some vampire band that wanna be regulars at Skorch for a while. I’m not touring with them, just signing on as some crew position while they’re in town.” I started walking as soon as Amy lost that dark look that went with her whimpering tone.

“Vampires?” Amy seemed happy to latch to other details as long as I swore to be staying.

“Yup, Dead Dawn Records, I guess, is taking over the Wednesday night slot at Skorch.”

“My God! Rinny! Do you know how this will be? Loads of vampires are gonna start coming to Skorch. Maybe I could paint one. Supposedly they’re so beautiful.”

“They are,” I absentmindedly responded, which forced me to relay the airport story to Amy—much to her delight. When we got into the apartment, she ran in and started shouting my recently told story to Brian, Lauren and Emsy as they got ready for tonight’s party. Well, party for them. Work for me.

“Jesus, Laurie you trying to get satellite?” I mocked as Laurie bopped through the living room to the blasting Horrorpops with big curlers in her hair. She stuck her tongue out at me and started singing. It was already five thirty. I laughed as I saw Brian partaking in the preparation ritual started by Emsy and Lauren. I would have too, but I needed to head over to Skorch. I poked into my room to shove my iPod into my mini backpack along with a few rolls of tape, a wrench and some pliers. I quietly made my way out of the bustling apartment as Amy finished my story and joined in to the ritual.

The October air was more than complimentary to me taking not only the long way but the utterly back-ass way. I looped through two of my favorite parks to eat away at my two-hour time gap. Listening to The Beatles had me completely zoned out and on auto-pilot. When I was about twenty blocks out of the way going through the glass park off South Street, I ran right into someone.

“Shit.” I shook my head out of my daze and began to apologize until…

“Hi, poppy,” Alisha smiled shyly.

“I…uhh…hi.” I felt like I was seeing a ghost. My entire world was a different place, but she looked exactly the same as she did the day before she left. Her soft hot pink hair cascaded over her shoulders in thick curls that hinted at her caramel skin tone not coming from a bottle or salon. She stood about 5’2” but was wearing the grey thigh-high suede boots I got her for her birthday last year. I felt myself start to shake when I realized almost everything she was wearing was from somewhere I took her or got for her or she got because I liked it. Even her necklace was an antique silver and gold locket I found at the second-hand market. It once held both Justin and my pictures. I had the masochistic urge to ask if my picture was still in there.

“Hey, Alisha, you coming?” A tall blonde I recognized as one of her friends called from the gazebo a few yards behind me.

“Where’s…” I couldn’t finish the statement.

“He and I aren’t…well…” She began, but I ran. Well, not ran but just left very abruptly because I could not take. I beyond did not want to listen to her explanation while looking into those huge green eyes. She looked so confused. Like she and I both thought the other would just disappear when we stopped being with them. I walked so quickly to Skorch I was practically sweating when I got there. I shoved the back door open and strode to the manager’s office.

“No! No hay razón. No tienes una razón para estar tarde. Consiga aquí o usted es terminado.” Senora Deviño screamed into her cell phone before all but throwing it on the floor. Snra. Deviño was a short woman with close-cut gray hair, small wire frame glasses and enough power and motivation to run her own theater and nightclub. The Inferno Theater across town presented some amazing original and out of place plays and musicals, and Skorch was the haven for every counter cultures in a forty mile radius of the city. I curled up into one of her straight-backed red leather chairs and waited for her anger subsided as well as my shock. Senora continued to mutter to herself in Spanglish, which I decided long ago was her actual native tongue when my shock found out it was not really going to get a break.

“Calmelo, Senora. Tenemos una exposición para hacer,” came a voice from the doorway. My head snapped up so quick that for a second I thought I broke it.

“No, no, no, no.” I clenched my eyes and shook my head hoping he’d disappear.

“Hola, medianoche. Que tal?” Justice glided into the room soaking it in his power and arrogance. I wasn’t sure which was larger, but my mom’s gift recognized it as something desirable. I could have cried when I saw his flash red. His recognized me too.

Shit.