Lean's car shakes as much as my leg is right now as it travels its way down the highway to the hospital. We're going to a low class hospital downstate because they allow minors to have abortions. Safety is not the first thought in my mind right now.

Lately I've been thinking about the baby. I knew I would bring more than a child into my life if I had it. I know I would bring pain, stress, lonliness. I'm to young to grow up... I can't even take care of myself non the less a child! I hold my slightly bloated stomach. I can't give up my life for something I don't want.

As we enter the abortion clinic, I think it has to be the saddest place on eart. Ever woman here is without support, every woman here is afraid, they all have their doubts, they all know what they are doing. I imagine that from this point on, every woman in this waiting room will become a changed woman, being a little bit wiser, a little bit more fermented in their lives and desicions. No one else had it so hard as a woman about to kill a human being inside of her.

I look around, there's a business looking woman, looking sophisticated and well held together. I wonder if she's falling apart on the inside. I wonder if she has a husband, and if she does, where is he now? Sitting behind her in an even worst state is a fat blond woman wearing a pink sweat suit. I wonder what in the world happened to her, how she got that baby inside of her. I imagine that it was with some man she had fallen in love with her who only used her for sex. She let him go without protection because she loved him, and when she told him she was pregnant, he left with a laugh.

I nervously sit down. My sister looks around the room as if inspecting for bombs and perches herself next to me. Ironically there's a magazine titled "Parent" on the coffee table. Why would they do that? I pick it up anyways and flip through it. Ads for baby food, kids snakcs, and clothes. Pictures of smiling little children, running around in red shirts, overalls, and big grins. Little happy babies with big happy tummies. Cute stories about first time moms and 5th time moms, tips for raising your kid right, and one cover article with the question "should you spank your child?"

But towards the end, there's a picture of a young mother with black hair, round cheeks and old eyes. She's kissing her baby's forhead with a content smile on her face. The article is titled "Why I decided to keep her," I don't even have to read the article to know that I'm making the wrong desicion, that i have enough life to give it to someone else. That there's a growing human being in my stomach and at that moment, all I want to do is give it life and make it as happy as the babies in these pictures. I rip out the page, fold it in quarters, tuck it into my pocket and stand up.

"Lets go," I say to Lean and confidentley walk out of the lobby, knowing that half these ladies are watching me leave, wishing they could feel like I do right now; guiltless, prepared, and completely confident.

"Roxy! Wait up!" I hear my sister call behind me. "What just happened?" she asks when she catches up to me.

"I'm having the baby," I say with my head held high, then walk off.

Lean doesn't say anything until she starts the car.

"Mom's gonna have to know. You can't hide a growing stomach,"

"I'll take care of Mom when the time comes,"

She shrugs and pulls out of the parking space.

"Its your life," she says.

"Yeah... it is isn't it?"