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This is for you.
This is for you, you – the person who has changed my life the most this year. You are the first person I call when I’m angry or sad or just need to talk. You are the first person I can’t wait to tell when I have some good news. Or bad. Or a juicy story that has no relevance to your life.
Sometimes I talk too much. Which is a good thing since you are a man of few words when it comes to me and since I talk enough for the both of us. But you always listen patiently, letting me talk out my thoughts and problems until I’ve got everything straightened out. And then, when I stop and look at you and say, “Thanks for listening,” you grin and tell me you had nothing to do with it. But you had everything to do with it. You made me believe that whatever was wrong could be solved. It’s nice to know I can be vulnerable with you, but you make me feel completely safe and capable of doing anything.
And sometimes we are complete assholes to each other. People look at us and ask if we’re really on good terms, because it doesn’t look like it. But I’ m glad that we are comfortable enough with each other to treat each other horribly and not mean a single word. And laugh about it later. Thank you for teaching me to think fast and how to be witty.
No matter how busy you are, no matter what’s going on in your life – you’ve always made time for me. A phone call or a surprise visit just to see how I’m doing, what I’m up to. Those really show how much you care. And that’s how I know we’re going to be friends for a really long time. Because we make time for each other, and that’s all I can really ask for from you.
We aren’t always friends. Sometimes we are more. And most of the time I don’t want to be just friends with you. But I’ve never told you because you were either already talking to another girl or you had just reminded me how glad you were that we were friends. But then you’ll go and do something cute, or treat me like your girlfriend. And that’s when I wonder what exactly it is that you want with me. And while I’m slightly disappointed we’re just friends now, I’d rather be that than not have you in my life at all.
Whether you know it or not, you’ll always have my heart. You stole it the first time you made me laugh and you secured it when you whispered “I think I might love you” and I said it back. And even when we decided maybe it wasn’t the right time to be together, you still had my heart. Just like you will always have it, no matter what happens between us.
We might be young. We might have a really complicated relationship. And we might not end up spending the rest of our lives together. But I know that whatever it is we have is real. And it’s rare. So that’s why I can’t let go of you so easily. That’s why I look forward to your phone calls and surprise visits and snarky comments and everything else in between. And when I think about those and how happy you have made and still make me, our relationship suddenly seems so simply.
You’ve done so much for me, and I wonder if I will ever be able to give you even half of what you’ve given me. You taught me to trust myself, trust other people. Trust you. You taught me compassion. Taught me in a subtle way how to stop being so selfish. Taught me how to be a good friend. But most importantly, you taught me to believe that everything happens for a reason. And I didn’t believe how true that was until I realized why I met you.
I met you because you were the person to help shape me into the person I am today. I was okay without you, but you made me better.
That’s why this long wordy ‘thank you’ – this roundabout way of saying I’ll love you forever no matter what happens or who we become without actually saying it – is for you.