it's been so long since i've cried about you
i've never let myself, just said NO and turned over
thought about mermaids and happiness
thought about my latest hero and his latest heroine
but theres still sometimes when i can't shake the feeling that
sitting in the dark watching you in the light of the halogen lantern
chain-smoking cigarettes and complaining about how fucked up the world is
that there was something else that was supposed to happen
i wish you would've followed me one more time
but i have a feeling that kissing you under the stars would hurt a lot more now
then it ever did in my imagination

heres my secret:
you were the closest i've ever come to love.